THE CHAPEL SHOW
Episode: S01E01
Date: 22/12/2013

The video begins and we see The Chapel Show logo on the screen. The logo slowly fades out to reveal a young blonde standing in front of the camera with a grin on her face. In the background we see plain white walls with a door leading off the room she’s standing in going to some currently unknown location, and directly behind her we can see an old looking couch with a tear in the middle of it. Still, despite the less than scenic surroundings the young woman has a smile on her face and twirls around in front of the camera before waving.

“What’s up fuckers?” she asks with a huge grin on her face. It’s immediately noticeable that she has an English accent. “I’m Lexy Chapel, and I give it up on the first date! Welcome to the debut episode of The Chapel Show, and I cannot tell you how EXCITED I am to be doing this. Seriously, I’ve been waiting to be able to film this for so many weeks, but, you know, we had to be able to buy all the stuff we needed, which isn’t easy when you’re broke as all fuck. But I’ll get to that in a minute. First, I want to introduce you to somebody. Say hi Nate...”

The camera angle switches and we see Nate standing behind the camera that is presumably filming Lexy at the moment. He nods at the camera and smiles. “Hi Nate!”

The camera angle flicks back to Lexy who nods happily. “Oh god, I’ve got him so well trained,” she says with a cheeky grin before clapping her hands and twirling around again, holding out her arms as though encouraging people to look around the room. “So, that’s Nate, he’s my husband and this right here, this is The Chapel Show! I know what you’re thinking, and it’s not as flashy as some of those web shows you’re used to. We don’t have an amazing set, and we don’t live in an expensive mansion full of crazy gadgets, and we’re kind of limited to working with just the two cameras at the moment because, as I might have mentioned, we’re broke as all fuck right now, but it’s a start, you know? And even the greatest shows had to start from the most humble of beginnings. Or, at least, that’s what I tell myself every morning.”

 “Is that before or after you’ve reminded yourself how damn lucky you are you married me?” Nate asks with a chuckle.

“That’s after, and right before I start praying that the condom didn’t break the night before,” Lexy replies with a grin of her own. She blows a kiss at him before looking back in to the camera again. “So, that’s our official introduction. We are The Chapel Show, and over the next few weeks, months, years, decades, however long this crazy ride lasts, we promise each and every one of you that we’ll be bringing the entertainment to you all. So, you know, if you like what you see then you can rate our videos, you can subscribe and never miss a single one – whether it’s from Nate or from me – and you can even follow us on Twitter. We don’t have a Facebook, but we’re both on Twitter. Check the links in the description,” she says before pointing down in front of her. “Yeah, that’s the description, not the links in my crotch. I love you guys and all, but you guys don’t get to see anything to do with my crotch.”

“Yeah, you only do that kind of stuff for Channel 4, right babe?” Nate asks before laughing.

“Shut up,” Lexy replies before looking slightly embarrassed. “Ok, there was an... incident... a few months ago. Whatever, it’s not like anyone actually saw anything. I mean, some of you probably already know about it anyway.”

“I’m pretty sure the meme had a few people in the United States asking what the fuck was going on,” Nate told her with another laugh. “And hey, it’s not everyone who can say that they got fifteen minutes of Internet fame.”

Lexy blushes a little before shooting her husband a dirty look. “Thanks baby, because I really wanted to deal with that on the first video,” she mutters before shaking her head and shrugging her shoulders. “Oh, whatever, it was going to come out anyway, right? I’ll just find some incredibly irritating way to embarrass the fuck out of you at some point so we’re even.”

“You can try, but you will not succeed,” he tells her, the final three words said in almost a menacing and mock-evil tone before he begins to laugh evilly. “Everybody knows that I don’t do embarrassing moments. Besides, no matter what you do to me I’ve always got something bigger on you.”

Lexy looks in to the camera again and pouts. “Yeah, it sucks that he’s not wrong,” she tells the camera before shrugging. “You guys are going to figure out pretty quickly that I’ve done a LOT of embarrassing stuff so far, and I’m probably going to do a LOT more in the future.”

“Oh, I guarantee you’re going to do more embarrassing stuff,” Nate tells her with another chuckle. “I mean, I’m hoping that’s what’s going to bring in the viewers. The embarrassment and the boobs, and of course something for the ladies...” He lifts up his shirt as he says that, pointing at his abs and running his hand over them.

“Mm, baby you’re looking fine,” Lexy tells him with a laugh of her own before beginning to lift up her own shirt, but then just laughing and shaking her head. “No, those are NOT for you. Well, not yet anyway. Maybe another time, if you all ask me nicely enough...”

“You guys want to see some boobies?” Nate asks jokingly. “Tell us in the comments below. I think that might be against YouTube’s rules, but I’m sure we could find ways around it.”

“Oh, I see, pimping me out for views baby?” Lexy asks before laughing again and shrugging her shoulders. “Eh, you’d think I’d be used to that by now. It’s a long story, I’ll explain later.”

The scene changes from the lounge area to the bedroom, where we find Lexy lying on the bed looking over at the camera that’s seemingly set up a few feet away from the bed. She smiles at the camera before looking around the room.

“So, our introduction probably raised more questions than it provided answers, right?” she asks, laughing a little to herself and rolling her eyes. “Well, Nate’s gone out to get us some food so I’m all alone in this scary shithole of an apartment and I wanted to spend a little time trying to do a better job of the whole introduction thing, because introductions are hard, you know? You never really know what to say, and you never know how people are going to react, and... well, I’m kind of in this awkward spot. See with Nate it’s easier, I think, maybe. But I’m in this awkward position right now that you American people watching this are looking at it going ‘who the hell is this bitch’ – I know, my accent needs work, I’m trying here – whereas a whole bunch of people back home are watching this going ‘ALEX? WHAT DID YOU DO? WHY DID YOU MARRY THAT CHAPEL BOY?’ Yeah, that was a super popular decision, but then I didn’t do it to be popular. I did it because... ok, this is going to sound soppy as fuck, but whatever. I did it because I love him.”

She rolls her eyes again and starts laughing. “God, I know how that sounds, I really do. But as crazy as it sounds, I really do love him. I think I have since the moment I first laid eyes on him. So, for those of you who don’t know me, I kind of need to give you a little background. Um, well... my father is Union Jack. If you don’t know who he is, then in the eighties in England he was one of the biggest names not just in wrestling but in entertainment. He hosted a television show where contestants fought each other in a number of different games to win money. He was in a few really, really terrible movies – in one he was a babysitter. It was just awful, I mean I first watched it and I cringed that my dad actually starred in something that bad, but I guess it was the eighties and people loved that stuff back then. On top of that though, the reason for all his success was that my dad was a multiple time British Heavyweight Champion. He competed all over the United Kingdom, he competed all over Europe, he wrestled in Japan a whole bunch. He never really broke in to the American markets, but back home he was huge in the eighties, and in the nineties too I guess. So I’m second generation in the wrestling business. I was literally born in to the wrestling business. My mother’s waters broke backstage at a wrestling event, she wouldn’t leave to go to the hospital until he’d finished his match, and he took so long to finish the match that she actually gave birth to me in the locker room. So when I say I was born in to wrestling, I mean it so literally! I was born in a locker room.”

She laughs and shrugs her shoulders almost apologetically. “I know, right? But that’s my family. My family are crazy about the wrestling business. My mum is a wrestler too, Panther. It’s actually because of her, in a weird way, that this whole thing with Nate and me even happened. She, err... in the late seventies she was the manager of a guy named Victor Vicious. He really, you know, lived up to his name. He was vicious. He was violent. He beat everyone he went after until he first faced my dad. He fought my dad, and, um, my dad beat him. But not only did my dad beat him, but my dad left that night with Panther as well, and wrestling history was made and a family feud was begun. Victor Vicious versus Union Jack wasn’t just a wrestling feud. It was an actual war between families. I mean their PARENTS went to war with each other. At one point my granddad actually had to fight Victor Vicious’ dad, because this rivalry got that personal. My granddad wasn’t even a fighter, he ran a bakery, but that’s just how crazy personal things got between Victor and my dad,” she explains before letting out a long sigh. “So you can imagine that I grew up with hatred for this family being bred in to me. From the moment I was born I think my parents were telling me how evil this family were. In the fairytales they told me when I was younger it wasn’t the Big Bad Wolf who tried to kill the Three Little Pigs, it was Victor Vicious!”

“So, you can imagine that anything related in any way to Victor Vicious was taught to me to be an enemy, right? That included his wife, and his children. Basically, my parents tried to teach me that the whole Chapel family were demons or something,” she says before laughing again. “So then you flash forward to when I’m sixteen and I’m going to my first proper boy/girl party. Like I’d been to parties before, obviously, but in England we start drinking at eighteen, and I was sixteen but most at the party were a year ahead of me at secondary school – I mean, I was doing my GSCEs and most of them were doing their A-Levels. I don’t know how it works over here in ‘high school’, but basically that’s how it works in England – and I did some drinking, and I was having a great time, and I met this guy. He was... dreamy. He went to a different school to me, he was a year older than me, he was just amazing and I think I fell in love with him right there. We kissed, a lot, and one thing led to another and... we made love. It was my first time, it was at a party with a guy and I didn’t even know his last name but it was amazing. When I found out what his last name was I knew my parents were going to freak, and I thought they might actually kill him. I mean I’ve never told anyone this story before – hi dad – but I genuinely thought that if they found out they’d kill him, so I didn’t tell anyone. I left the party, I went home and I never told anyone the truth about what happened.”

She looks away from the camera almost a little embarrassed before letting out a long sigh and looking back again with a smile. “So, I lost my virginity to the son of my dad’s archenemy. That’s me! I’m that girl. And I thought that was it. I thought I’d never see him again. I hoped to god it would never come back on me, and for three years it didn’t. For three years I never heard a word about it, and then I start university and I’m almost nineteen and my first time in the student bar and boom, there he is, and I freak out. I remember I tried to hide. I tried to hide behind this column, but it wasn’t really that wide. When you start hiding though you can’t just stop hiding, you know? You can’t go ‘oh no, I wasn’t hiding here, I was just looking for my dignity. No, wait, I’ve definitely lost it’. So I was hiding and Nate comes over and we start talking, and we know we should hate each other but we don’t. We’ve been raised to despise each other, and we just... don’t,” she says before shrugging her shoulders. “How do you explain that? How do you explain being told you hate this guy and then meeting him and finding that actually you really like him, that his smile makes you smile and that you want to get to know him. And I wanted to get to know him. I really wanted to get to know him properly, and god knows what would have happened, but then Channel 4 stepped in.”

She nods her head before rolling her eyes. “Yeah, Channel 4 approach my dad about doing a documentary on him and his family, to see where ‘Union Jack’ is today. It was an amazing opportunity for him, and for both my brother’s who were just trying to get in to wrestling still, but for me it was the most inconvenient thing in the universe. They want to follow us around, they want to film our lives, and I realise immediately that I’m fucked. I can’t even talk to Nate then, not with cameramen recording my whole life. So for eight months, while they’re making the show, I can’t talk to him. I can’t be in the same place as him. I can’t be with him. And it killed me. So for all you people who commented on the show, who asked ‘why is Alex always so miserable, she has everything in life, she should be happy’ then that’s why, ok? Because yeah, my dad provided for me! Yeah, we had a nice house and we had everything we could want, but the only thing I wanted I couldn’t have,” she explains before letting out another sigh and brushing her hair behind her ear. “Does that make me ungrateful? Maybe it does. All I knew is that when Nate asked me to run away with him, I didn’t hesitate. I agreed so quickly the only thing I had time to grab from my room, so that my parents wouldn’t get suspicious, was Mr Snuffles.”

She rolls over on the bed and grabs a cuddly toy rabbit that she holds up to the camera, and then begins laughing. “Yep, that’s right. Ok, right now a whole bunch of you are either going ‘aw, she has a stuffed toy from when she was a child, isn’t that cute?’ or going ‘what the hell girl, grow up already’, but there’s just a few of you who remember him in a whole different way,” she says before rolling her eyes. “Ok, Nate mentioned it earlier. There was an... incident. You know, I could talk about it for hours but I already phoned this one guy at Channel 4, and I’d like to thank 4OD for letting me use this clip, so rather than talk about what happened, I may as well just show you guys.”

We cut from the bedroom of the Chapel apartment to footage from a kitchen where an older brunette woman stands over a dining table laying plates out. She places the final of three plates before walking to the door and yelling in the direction of a staircase. “Alex, dinner,” she yells before turning back around and walking back in to the kitchen. A few moments later an older looking man walks in wearing a t-shirt and jeans. The woman looks at him and smiles. “Hon, would you get Alex? I think she’s still mad about this whole thing. She’s barely spoken to me all day.”

He sighs and begins to head for the stairs. “Alex?” he calls out as the cameras follow him up the stairs before cutting to another camera at the top of the stairs as he walks down the corridor. “Alex? Your mother wants you to come down for dinner.”

“Not right now,” we hear Lexy’s voice calling back through the door.

“Alex, honey, I know you’re not happy about it but your mother made the decision that she thought was best for us all,” he explains as he walks down the corridor as the camera follows close behind. He grabs the door handle and twists, pushing open the door and beginning to step inside. “Listen honey, I—”

“DAD, WHAT THE HELL?!” we hear Lexy yelling as she scrambles on her bed. Her father quickly slams the door shut again, but not before we catch a glimpse of Lexy pulling the stuffed toy she identified as Mr Snuffles down over her crotch and rolling off the bed. “Fuck dad, seriously? Don’t you KNOCK?!”

“I, err,” her father begins, clearly embarrassed by the incident. “Were you just—?”

“Changing,” Lexy yells back furiously. “I was changing. Fuck, seriously, learn to knock!”

We cut back to the bedroom of her apartment in Las Vegas and Lexy just sighs. “Oh yeah, that’s right. I begged Channel 4 not to put that in the show. I mean seriously, I begged them not to do it,” she explains before sighing again. “And of course they didn’t listen. So yeah, I’m the girl whose dad caught her playing with herself on TV. I’d tell you to go ahead and make your jokes but honestly, I think I’ve heard all of them by now. I’ve also heard all the judgement.”

We cut to a shot of Lexy standing in the corner of the room shaking her head in obvious disappointment, looking over in the direction of where she was sitting before as though she’s looking at herself. “A young woman in British society shouldn’t behave that way,” she says in a very posh, very strong English accent, sounding almost royal. “One expects so much more from you, young Alexandra. One expects refinement and dignity, and one simply cannot allow you to continue your perverted ways without a good talking to.”

The camera shot shifts again, and this time Lexy is towering over the bed. It’s not immediately clear what she’s standing on, but she’s wearing a red wig and is looking down at the bed in judgement and anger. “God will smite you from this earth,” she almost shouts, this time in an accent far more befitting the American South. It’s not quite perfect, but it’s definitely recognisable. “For it is written in the Bible, Matthew 5, verse 28, ‘You have heard that it was said, ‘Do not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who has looked a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart’ and in Psalm 119 verses 35 to 37, ‘Direct me in the path of your commands, for there I find delight. Turn my heart toward your statues and not toward selfish gain. Turn my eyes away from worthless things; preserve my life according to your word’.”

We cut back to Lexy still sitting on the bed, rolling her eyes and shaking her head. “Yeah, I know, it’s not ladylike, and it’s a sin to love yourself and not love God, and blah, blah, blah. Seriously, I’ve heard it all. Hell, I know some of those quotes by heart they’ve been told to me that many times,” she explains before grinning at the camera. “You want to know the truth of it all though? If ‘loving yourself’ is a sin then baby, I’m going to hell and I’m not even afraid of that. I’m not, because I’m not going to sit here and tell you I’m a particularly devout person, but I do believe in God. I don’t believe in a God however who would condemn you for something so petty. I believe that this almighty, powerful being looking down on all of us with the ability to literally make life from nothing wouldn’t be so obsessed with us that he’d condemn us to an eternity of suffering because we touched ourselves, or because we fell in love with the ‘wrong’ person. If you honestly feel that God is that petty and small then I think that says more about you than it does about any interpretation of any texts. And so, that’s me. That’s my history. Now you know a little about Lexy Chapel.”

We cut from the bedroom to the lounge area where we see footage of the apartment taken while the camera is now mobile and in Lexy’s hand, and we hear her talking from behind the camera. In the middle of the frame is the torn couch from earlier, and Lexy zooms in tight on the tear in the middle. “Yep, so, I figured I’d show you guys around the ‘set’ of The Chapel Show,” she says, continuing to focus in on the couch. “Do you like our sofa? It’s a little banged up. We got it from the couple downstairs who were going to throw it out on the street, and we were like ‘wait, don’t do that, ok so it’s a little torn but it beats sitting on the floor’. As you can tell, we’ve only been here a few months and we don’t have a great deal of anything yet.”

We cut from the lounge to the bedroom again where we again see the bed once again and then we pan around to a set of drawers. There’s no other furniture in the bedroom like you’d expect. “You’ve seen the bedroom already,” Lexy says as she walks around the room, filming the room. On the floor we see a suitcase that she kicks open to reveal it’s empty before walking over to the drawers and opening them. In the first one she opens we see a few t-shirts and a two pairs of men’s jeans. “So, since we came to Las Vegas I’ve actually kind of lost track of the number of times we’ve had to do laundry. Nate brought a few T-shirts with him, and we’ve picked up a few cheap ones since we got here, but as you can see we’re not exactly overflowing with anything, including clothes at the moment. If you think it’s bad for a guy not to have much choice though, imagine how I feel,” she says with a laugh before closing the drawer and pulling open another one. This one contains one pair of pants, one pair of jeans and a few tops. Lexy pulls one of them out and holds it up in front of the camera. “This is cute, right? I picked this up the other day on sale because, honestly, I can’t afford clothes that aren’t on sale right now. Right now though I’m dying when it comes to clothes! I have never had such a lack of a wardrobe in my whole life.”

She puts the top away before shutting the drawer and showing the top of the chest of drawers, on which sits a cheap bottle of perfume, a few assorted other bits of makeup and a can of Axe body spray, branded as Lynx as it’s clearly left over from use in the United Kingdom. “Oh, and I miss my jewellery,” she says jokingly before turning the camera back around on herself. “So yeah, as you can tell right now we’re far from living in luxury but we have hope. We’re very young and we may have both had a lot back home thanks to our families but it’s not like we needed all of that, you know? The only thing I needed was not to be living a lie anymore and pretending to hate somebody that I loved. And like I said before, we’re both second generation wrestlers so we’ve got a lot of hope. We’ve been in contact with a few different wrestling companies, we’re hoping for some tryout matches or developmental contracts or... basically anything. Seriously, we’ll settle for pretty much anything at the moment. We’re not expecting to debut anywhere as megastars, we’ve both very much got our feet on the ground in that regard. What we’re looking for is an opportunity, and we’re both hungry. We both want to make our mark. And we’re going to. I have faith that we’re going to.”

We cut from the bedroom to the kitchen area where Lexy runs the camera around the kitchen. “And here we have the final stop on the tour – sorry it’s not more of a tour, but you know it’s not much of an apartment,” she says before turning the camera around on herself and shrugging. “So, as you can see we’ve got a clothes dryer rack in the kitchen with my uniform on it. Yeah, I know, it’s really beautiful. I always feel so sexy when I’m wearing it. Or, you know, not. Then again I’m not sure any waitress ever feels hot when she’s wearing an apron. Still, ever since coming to America we’ve needed the money, and Nate’s not been able to find work yet. But anyway,” she says with a laugh, “this is the kitchen. It’s small, but we like to think that it’s cosy. It’ll definitely be cosy on Christmas Day when I’m trying to cook in it. Just to warn you guys, we’ll probably be filming that and it probably... won’t go well.”

She turns the camera back around on herself again. “Seriously, it won’t go well. There’s a reason I bring people their food and I don’t cook their food, because if I cooked their food then—well, the diner I work at has a rule that if the food gets burned or damaged in any way then they either replace it or you get to eat for free, which is kind of a cool rule if you ask me. Of course that means they couldn’t ever let me cook, or probably even let me in the kitchen, because sometimes I just walk in to a kitchen and stuff catches fire,” she explains, then shrugs her shoulders innocently. “I think it’s actually a hidden mutant power. I’m pretty sure any day now Professor Xavier is going to knock on my door and recruit me for the X-Men, which would be pretty cool because I’ve always wanted to meet Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellen, and I have a major crush on Hugh Jackman. No, seriously, I have a MAJOR crush on Hugh Jackman. Like, actually enough to make Nate jealous, which is hard to do.” She smiles at the camera before holding up her other hand with her thumb and pinkie fingers extended to symbolise a telephone and mouths ‘if you’re watching, call me’ before blowing a kiss to the camera and laughing.

“Ok, so, what else can I show you guys?” she asks, far more calm and relaxed after she’s stopped giggling. She slowly pans the camera around the apartment again before swinging it back and focusing on one of the corners. “Oh, I would show you the Christmas Tree, which is going to go right there, only... we don’t have one yet. We also don’t have any decorations to go on it, which is kind of awkward, but we’re working on that. Hopefully by the time one of us does any Christmas footage we’ll have a Christmas tree up. Admittedly it won’t have anything under it because we’re too broke to afford presents, but... you know... it’s Christmas and I’m pretty sure it’s like the law that you’ve got to have a half-dead tree in your lounge.”

She turns the camera back around on herself before sitting down on the couch. “So, err... I think that’s about it. I wish I had something epic to show you guys, but I guess I really don’t. Sorry about that. I promise in future shows we’ll... try and find something more epic, I guess. I wanted to show you guys the roof, but they wouldn’t let me up there earlier. And I would show you guys the diner but I’m already a little creeped out over filming my apartment, and if any of you guys came up to me at work then that would just be awkward. Plus then you’d order stuff and I’d have to bring you stuff and...” she says before rolling her eyes, “it’s just a whole big thing. I mean don’t get me wrong, I love anyone who watches this and doesn’t hit dislike – you people who hit dislike I hate and will find some way to murder in your sleep because seriously, if you don’t like something then just DON’T WATCH IT. I mean, why go to videos only to tell people you don’t like them? That’s just stupid. Do you not have anything better to do? Do you HAVE to watch EVERY VIDEO ON YOUTUBE and tell us whether you like it or not? It’s stupid. You’re stupid. And I hate your face. Yeah, YOU – but seriously, I don’t need more people to wait on. Sorry.”

“So, I guess that’s it for now. I’ll probably see you guys in another video or something. Nate’s going to home with food in a minute, so I might film some of that, and if not I’ll see you guys next time,” she says before nodding at the camera and pointing down again. “Don’t forget, check the comments for Twitter stuff, and click down here somewhere as well to subscribe because... well... I asked nicely? That’s a good reason, right? Later fuckers!”

The scene restarts again in the hallway. We hear the sound of the shower running as Lexy is filming herself again, clearly not the one in the shower. “Ok, so Nate’s just jumped in the shower, and while he’s doing that I wanted to give this another shot. I tried filming a little earlier but it ended up turning in to... basically a sex tape, so I really didn’t think that that was good to put up. I mean, I’m sure it would have gotten your attention but... yeah,” she says before shrugging her shoulders and continuing to walk in to the bedroom. We see the door shut behind her where she’s obviously kicked it shut behind her before she puts the camera on the chest of drawers and sits down on the bed in front of it. “Ok, so little news from the last clip I filmed. I was going to post all that stuff up, but then we got some news that really excited us, so I wanted to share it with you guys... and we were excited, and we had sex, and... yeah, not putting that on YouTube. But the news that caused all that is definitely worth telling you about. We’ve officially heard back about our DEBUT match! I know, exciting right? It’s the most exciting bit of news since – oh god, I didn’t tell you guys about Twitter! Oh god, I got tweets from Jonathan Collins AND David Helms in the last few days. Seriously, can you believe that? Collins even talked to us both on Twitter a little about Arsenal and... It was amazing! Seriously, I am such a huge fan of his. I was like... I don’t know, like ten maybe? And I remember watching New Era Wrestling. So amazing that he actually tweeted me! And David fucking Helms tweeted us? We both added him, along with a whole bunch of other people, and he actually followed us... I mean I have no idea why, I figure thousands of people follow him or something, right? So then Nate tweets him... I think maybe about whether I would let him have anal with me? Or something. And BANG – yeah, see what I did there – David fucking Helms replies! So amazing!”

“Ok, I’ve completely lost track of where I was. I still get excited when famous people tweet me, sorry. What was I saying?” she asks before thinking for a few seconds and then slapping herself in the forehead. “Oh, right, BIG NEWS ABOUT OUR DEBUT! Actually, it’s probably good I mentioned David Helms because it’s kind of thanks to him that this even happened. After he tweeted us and we were both like ‘what the fuck, David fucking Helms!’ then we both started checking the SCW website, and we found the Open Invitational Battle Royal so we applied and we’ve been accepted. So yeah, it’s in Canada and right now I have no idea how we’re going to get there because we absolutely cannot afford plane tickets, so we may have to rent a car and drive or something, but it’s an amazing opportunity! You guys all know about SCW, right? I mean, do I even need to go in to detail here? Huge company, worldwide company, we used to watch it on Sky Sports back home and at the student bar they used to show pay per views, so we’d all pile in there at like 1am and we’d watch the pay per views and it was always amazing. They’ve got some of the greatest wrestlers on the planet right now, and the company is just... yeah, huge. Global! I mean I think we tried sending off a demo tape to them – I think we did, I’m not a hundred percent sure we did – and if we did then we didn’t hear ANYTHING back, which isn’t surprising really considering, you know, how many people they probably hear from every day.”

Lexy shrugs her shoulders. “Whatever, our constant rejection by wrestling promotions isn’t the news! The news is that December 31st, New Years Eve, we’ll be in Ottawa, Canada – assuming we can actually get there – and we’ll get to compete in an Open Invitational Battle Royal. Now this is a huge deal for us! I mean this is SCW! Ok, so it probably won’t lead to contract offers from them because, you know, they’re probably not interested in hiring two young English kids – although, that said, half their roster is English now, right? That’s how it seems anyway – but this is a chance for us. This is a chance for us to put our name out there at an international pay per view event, a chance for us to try and win some money and a new car – both of which we’re in pretty desperate need of – but more than that this is a chance for us to do something that neither one of our father’s could do in their entire careers and make an impact in the United States,” she says with a sly smile on her face. “Now don’t get me wrong, I grew up hearing the stories about Union Jack, I grew up watching the old tapes of my father facing some of the greatest ever, and sure during the seventies and eighties there was a lot of respect for British wrestling, and European wrestling, and I’ve been to events in Japan and I know how crazy those fans can be, but as much as my father accomplished, and as much as Nate’s father accomplished, unless you make it today in the biggest companies, the companies that are internationally recognised, the companies that set the standards that everybody else follows, then can you honestly say that you’ve ever truly made it? You can be good sure, but can you ever say you were truly great?”

“I love my father and I respect his career, but when history remembers the greatest wrestlers ever they’re not going to list my father,” she says with a sad shake of her head, “and the reason for that is that he never got that international exposure. He’ll never be remembered like a CHBK, he’ll never be remembered like a Jason Wheeler, and honestly when I think about my future I want more. I know that sounds incredibly selfish and ungrateful, and if that’s the way you choose to take it then there’s nothing I can do about that, but it’s also the truth. I’m not going to promise that Nate and I are going to be remembered as two of the greatest of all time, and I wish I could but I can’t guarantee that either one of us will ever be able to call ourselves the World Tag Team Champions or the World Heavyweight Champion, but I want the chance for that to happen. Right now the pursuit of that dream means working in a diner in order to pay our rent because I don’t come from a billion dollar family, but I’ve got dreams. We’ve got dreams, Nate and me both. We want to be stars. We want to do what our fathers never could. And we want to do it together! It won’t be easy. It won’t be an easy fight. And in truth when we enter that Battle Royal on December 31st we could well get ourselves immediately eliminated. If we do that, we’ll do it together. If one of us, or both of us, get eliminated instantly then we’ll still be there to support the other one, and if we both fail then we know that we’ll have each other after the fight. But honestly, who could resist this chance?”

“In one night we could do something that our families have never done and work together to accomplish a dream. In one night, on Supreme Championship Wrestling Pay-Per-View, we could stamp our names in to history forever. In one night we could turn around our fortunes. We could win serious money. We could win a brand new car and be able to improve our lives in ways that most of you people honestly can’t understand. God, how many SCW employees are ‘billionaires’? How many SCW employees have their own private jets? How many SCW employees have multi-million dollar contracts, and travel expenses, and god knows what other perks, and yet are STILL never happy? We see you. You do realise that, right? The entire WORLD watches what you people say on Twitter, whining about how you’ve not got your seventeenth championship opportunity, or bragging about how much money you have and then claiming that anything in that ring really matters to you. You’ve all lost touch. You’ve all lost touch with reality. And this... this is reality! We are reality! We’re two broke kids from England who want to take your company by storm in ways that none of you can imagine. We’re willing to do anything, to fight from the bottom up, to go through however many people are in that ring next Tuesday just for the opportunity at money that most of you probably turn your noses up at. I can imagine you all now thinking ‘two hundred and fifty thousand? I get that in a bonus cheque’. Well fuck you!”

“Next Tuesday at the End of Year Special two kids you’ll all overlook are going to give everything they have to succeed. Next Tuesday in the Open Invitational Battle Royal the Chapel Show is going to make its debut in the biggest way possible, and we’re coming for that cheque. We’re coming for that car. We’re coming to change our lives in one night. We’re going to Canada, to a Canadian company, to try and live the American Dream and even if we fail then we won’t give up,” she promises, nodding at the camera confidently. “Nothing is ever going to make us give up. You all don’t know how lucky you are. You all don’t know how good you really have it. You all look down your noses at rookies, you all elevate yourselves so far above everyone else, but you’re not better than us. You’re not better than the people watching from home. And up until December 31st we’ve been those people watching from home. You think you’re so far beyond us, but you’re only where you are because of us. You’ve all forgotten that. Half of you want to be ‘monsters’ and brag about how much destruction you cause, the other half think you’re super human and are never happy without nineteen championship belts to your name, but you know what really matters? Going out there and performing and living the dream. That’s the chance we get on Tuesday, and we’re going to take it. So we’ll get in a car and we’ll drive all night, we’ll sleep in our car, we’ll split a can of beans for breakfast, we’ll bust our asses and even if we fail, we’ll fail together. The ‘SCW stars’ have elevated themselves so far beyond reality now with their million dollar houses and incredible cars, but on Tuesday we’re going to show you our reality, and we’re going to remind you that real passion comes from your heart, not your wallet.”

She nods her head positively. “I’m Lexy Chapel, and this has been the Chapel Show. Rate, subscribe, leave comments and follow us on Twitter,” she suggests, pointing down again. “All the info you need is in the comment section. We’ll see you next time, fuckers!”

A Chapel Show graphic appears on the screen with a reminder to subscribe to the channel before the video ends and the replay button appears in the middle of the screen.