THE CHAPEL SHOW
Episode: S01E14
Date: 05/07/2014

The video begins and we see the Chapel Show logo on the screen. The logo slowly fades away and we see the inside of the Chapel apartment in Anaheim, California. The apartment looks normal, save for the fact that there are a number of small Japanese souvenirs spread around, including the Godzilla figure we saw in the previous video which seems to have a proud place on display. In the middle of the shot, dressed in a denim mini-skirt short enough that we can see the pink underwear she’s wearing from the position she’s sitting, and wearing a shirt with two large thumbs pointing back at her that reads underneath ‘THIS GIRL LOVES COCK’. She looks down at her shirt and shrugs. “What’s up fuckers? I’m Lexy Chapel, and when I think about you, I touch myself,” she says before smiling. “Welcome to the Chapel Show, and there’s only one place to begin. The streak is over. Well, in truth the streak itself ended a few weeks ago when interference in my tag team match, teaming with Jonathan Collins against the then-tag team champions, ended in a no-contest. That was my first non-win. Last week though was my first loss. I went up against Sally Talfourd, and we all saw what happened. You’ll notice that I’ve been pretty quiet on the matter. It isn’t because I’ve been crying myself to sleep. It also isn’t because Sally proved how dominant she is. She claims she proved a point, but the only point she proved was that she couldn’t beat me without using the ropes to do it and that is why I’ve been quiet. Somehow I feel like I was robbed out of something.”

“Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not going to sit here and complain that I was robbed out of a win. I’m not going to stomp my feet and throw my toys out of the cot in a hissy fit. I’m not going to complain, refuse to compete, and then quit because it finally happened and I FINALLY lost a match. Hell, I expected to lose a match a long, long time ago. Quite frankly if anything it’s a relief, because the pressure of trying to maintain the streak and having everyone talking about how I was undefeated was really beginning to get to me. That’s a LOT of pressure to carry around with you after all. So I’m not complaining about the loss. If anything I’d like to thank Sally for finally doing it. But the reason I feel robbed is because of the way it happened. I wanted my first loss to be special. I wanted my first loss to be an incredible contest. I wanted the first time I lost a match in EXODUS Pro to be in a match that people will talk about for years to come. I know that’s putting even more pressure on it, but that’s just the way I figured it would be. And I thought that match would be against Johnny Cannon, but it wasn’t. I thought that match would be against Jonathan Collins, but it wasn’t. I was sure that my first loss would be in a match I’d remember for the first of my life. Instead, I’m always going to remember that my first loss came when my opponent had to use the ropes to beat me,” she says, shaking her head slowly before letting out a sigh. “It’s disappointing. Hell, it’s worse than disappointing. But what’s even more disappointing is all her talk was for nothing, and now she’s bragging about something that is frankly just a joke.”

Lexy shakes her head slowly once again. “What point did she prove last week, other than that ‘Gods & Monsters’ are everything that I said they were? What lesson did she teach me, other than the fact that I was absolutely right about them all along? Wasn’t she going to teach me a lesson? Wasn’t she going to plant some kind of seed of doubt in my mind with a conclusive victory over me? Wasn’t she the one asking me to give it my best? And yet she went out there and she had to cheat to get the job done. She had to take a short cut. She had to prove that she COULDN’T get the job done in the ring, that she COULDN’T take the fight to me when it mattered, that she COULDN’T back up anything she said, and instead she got desperate, she got lazy and she robbed me of what should have been an incredible, career-defining moment. Now, whenever I look back, all I’m going to have to show for all the effort I put in is that the bitch that finally beat me couldn’t even do it fairly. And what does that say about ‘Gods & Monsters’ as a whole. Sally wanted to conquer the world, she thinks she’s hot shit, but at the end of the day she had to stoop to that?” she asks before letting out a sigh. “I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. Christum probably thinks it was an ingenious act. Last I checked, he was calling for her to be rewarded for her cowardice with an International title shot. Yeah, because nothing says International Champion quite like someone who needs to put her feet on the ropes. Honestly, is that how little he thinks about this title?”

She shakes her head and picks up the EXPRO International Championship from beside her, holding it up for the camera to see. “Is that how little you think about THIS title Christum? Let me guess, ‘a win is a win’, right? And you think that last week is going to have ‘opened my eyes’ to the way you guys do business? Last week was supposed to be the beginning of my corruption, right? Last week was going to be the week that I finally learned that the people I respect in this business are weak and worthless and that the future of the business is you and your clan of ‘superior’ stars,” she says, rolling her eyes and letting out a sigh. “Right, sure. Well, I’ve got some bad news for you. What happened last week isn’t the beginning of my downward spiral toward evil. What happened last week isn’t the life-changing event that will forever define my wrestling career and make me see that there is no defeating you. What happened last week disgusted me. It disgusted me that a former star like Sally, someone who used to care about competition and doing things the right way, would reduce themselves to that level. What happened last week disgusted me, and it only made me MORE certain about the path that I’m walking now, not less. You see I’m proud of who I am. I’m proud of everything I am. I wear my heart on my sleeve, and I wear funny t-shirts that tell you how I feel – and yeah, this is kind of how I feel right now, I do love cock. But I also love fighting for what is RIGHT! So, if this is meant to be me spiralling, you’re shit out of luck.”

She shakes her head, clearly upset, and puts the International title slowly across her shoulder. “You want to know the funny thing about evil people in this business? They’re evil. I know that sounds like a no-brainer, but it’s something that you’ve got to remind yourself of. And in the end, no matter what people like Christum Furor may preach, no matter what the follows of ‘Gods & Monsters’ may believe, one thing is true: evil does not triumph,” she states firmly. “They’ll tell me I’m wrong of course. They always do. The ‘bad’ people in this business have to believe that in the end bad can triumph over good because otherwise they’re wasting their time and their lives. But it doesn’t. Think about it – can you can anyone in the world, any evil being, who ultimately didn’t have some kind of comeuppance? Oh sure, there are the ones who died while in power, those who killed people and managed to get away with it until they ultimately died, but there’s a slight problem – they died. But really think about it and tell me that there are people who can commit evil acts openly, brag about them, and actually get away with it. Maybe in Islamic countries, but just recently even they’ve been rising up against their oppressors, overthrowing the established order and crying out for good to reign in their lives,” she says, almost proudly, like she’s proud of the people who’ve liberated their countries to freedom. “And this isn’t some flag waving shit I’m talking right now, ok? I’m not one of the ‘yay democracy’ people. Frankly, democracy sucks.”

She nods her head firmly. “Yeah, you heard me, it sucks. Poor people living in squalor, even poorer people living on the streets, lazy people taking advantage of benefit systems and conning everyone out of money while working behind the backs of those who are trying to help them, the rich/poor divide only getting wider as the rich get richer and the poor... well, stay poor! Democracy is not a perfect system. It’s flawed. People exploit it every day. Assholes run for government, and they’re the only ones rich enough to get their name out their widely enough. We get promised things that never happened. Liars find themselves profiting, and then making excuse after excuse for all their failures, blaming them on everyone else. And because of the democratic system we think we have control, we think we can just vote for the other guy in four years time, only to find out that the other guy sucks even worse than the current guy. I’m not one of those ‘yay democracy’ people. I’m one of those ‘yay good guys’ people,” she says with another nod. “I believe in good. I believe that evil WILL NOT rule the world, and that people will fight AGAINST evil. Oh, we’ll lose a few good ones along the way when they switch side, people like Sally Talfourd, but in the end good WILL triumph. I believe that. And that’s why ‘Gods & Monsters’ will never win. In the end, the people just won’t stand for it. In the end, good always triumphs. It’s just sometimes we’ve got to stop and look and go ‘ok, so evil won this round’.”

She looks around herself. “So, am I spiralling? Am I having a thousand doubts? Am I just days away from selling my soul and turning my back on everything I believe?” she asks before looking around again like she’s looking for the answer, pretending to ‘spiralling’ for a moment before shaking her head confidently. “No. No, there’s no spiralling. There’s no doubt. There’s no collapse of the Lexy Chapel way. The only thing there is, is disappointment. I wanted my first loss to mean something. Sally Talfourd has made it so that my first loss will now always be tainted, always be worthless, and we’ll never know who would REALLY have won that match, if she didn’t have her feet on the ropes. Maybe she’d have still won. She did hit me damn hard in the match, she did just about knock me out a few times, she did catch me off-balance with the rollup, but now we’ll never know. We’ll never know what would have happened. Sally stole a moment from me. ‘Gods & Monsters’ stole a moment from me. But they didn’t break me. And they never will. Sorry Christum, if you thought that was going to be the beginning of the end of the resistance against you assholes, you couldn’t be more wrong. All you did, you and your little pet Sally, was motivate me to stand up to you even more. And speaking of standing up for things, of good and evil, that brings me to the past two weeks. They were... an adventure. But were they an adventure for good, or for evil? Why don’t you find out, while I collect my thoughts? Enjoy the show guys.”

We cut from the Chapel apartment to somewhere else. It’s not immediately obvious where. We do know however that it’s somewhere at night. The sky is black, the light is provided by the street lamps, and we see a street in front of us that could almost be anywhere in the world, if it wasn’t for the Japanese writing on all the shop fronts and signs. Slowly the camera pans around to reveal Nate Chapel is the one holding it, and he looks excited. Lexy is next to him – we see her as the camera is panning around – but she looks less excited than her husband. Nate grins at the camera happily. “Guess where we are?” she asks the camera. He then pauses, almost like he’s disappointed there isn’t an answer, before turning to Lexy and turning the camera to focus on her. “Oh c’mon babe, are you still grumpy? I thought you were going to snap out of it. You promised me, remember?”

“I said I’d try. I tried. Evidently it didn’t work,” she says before letting out a loud sigh. “I guess I’m just not in the mood for this right now, not after what happened yesterday.”

“Ok, I admit, yesterday was disappointing. Yesterday could have been a whole lot better and instead it just ended up kind of sucky. But you’re not going to feel any better unless you start having some fun, and you’re not going to have any fun if you continue moping,” he says before reaching out and trying to push her face in to a smile. She just glares at him. “C’mon, smile for the camera.”

“Are you really going to do this?” she asks, almost forcing herself to frown even more now to stop him from being able to make her smile. All we see when he forces the corners of her mouth up is an angry look and her bearing her teeth now, and it looks more like an angry snarl with an almost sadistic twist to it than a smile. After a few seconds she slaps his hand away. “Yeah, sometimes I forget you’re basically a ten year old.”

“Hey, hey, HEY, that’s not fair,” he says, and we can see him pointing. “That’s not fair at all. I’m at least eleven! It was eleven when I saw my first pair of boobies and eleven when I first saw a naked woman for the first time. Ok, so it was a sixty nine year old who lived across the street and I just happened to look out the window at just the wrong moment. It was terrifying. I seriously almost turned gay in that moment. I mean, if any other guy in the world had a cock that looked as suckable as mine does I MAY have gone through with it...”

She looks like she’s trying hard not to smile before she finally gives up and smiles. “Oh as if you could ever be gay. You wouldn’t last five minutes as a gay man,” she says, shaking her head. “Seriously, the first gay thing you had to do you’d completely back out.”

“Hmm, that seems like a challenge,” he says, turning the camera around to show himself rubbing his fingers through the beard on his chin. His beard is slightly longer than it’s been before now. “I bet I’d make a better gay man than you’d make a lesbian.”

“Oh please, I would rock as a lesbian,” she states confidently. “I don’t know why we’re discussing this though, I mean it’s not like we’d ever actually find out.”

“Or WOULD we,” he asks. He looks like he’s about to give an idea when he stops and turns the camera back around to see Lexy frowning at him. “That’s her ‘you’re about to say something stupid’ frown. I hate that frown.”

“In fairness, you see it a lot. I’m surprised you’re not used to it,” she says before laughing a little.

Nate laughs as well. “Do you feel better now?” he asks, still keeping the focus on her. “C’mon, you’ve been Lil Miss Grumpypants all day, and this is the first time that you’ve properly smiled and properly laughed. Admit it, you feel better.”

“A little,” she confesses.

“Excellent. Well then, NOW we can get back on with what we came here for. And babe? Guess where we are,” he says, all excitedly, filming her reaction. She rolls her eyes.

“I don’t know babes, where ARE we?” she asks, her voice showing the fact that the question is obviously false and put on.

“We’re in downtown Fukuoka, and we’re going SHOPPING,” he says excitedly. “And I don’t mean we’re going tourist shopping. I don’t mean we’re going to hit all the lame normal shops that they only put out there with the expensive shit in them for the tourists to get all captivated by.”

“He did that in Kyoto,” Lexy informs the camera, smiling again.

“Hey, hey, HEY,” he begins defensively again before sighing. “I got nothing. She’s right, I totally did. And it was awesome. I got a Godzilla lamp. And oh my god you should see some of the anime shit they sell here. Seriously, I’m going to have to dedicate a whole Chapel Show at some point JUST to the awesome stuff I’ve bought so far in Japan. BUT, that’s not what this is about. No, we got talking to some locals this morning while we WERE out doing the tourist shopping – well, I did. Lexy was sulking. She’s such a bad loser!”

“I’m not a bad loser,” she says defensively, grabbing the camera to focus it on herself again. “I’m NOT a bad loser. It’s not the loss that bothers me, it’s... it’s the way it happened.”

“Yeah, that was pretty shitty that the referee didn’t see that,” he says before sighing. “But anyway, I’m not going to indulge your depression anymore. So, while WE were out shopping WE got talking to some of the locals and they told us about this place. They said if you want to see the REAL Japan, this is the place to come. So, boom, this is where we’ve come. And let’s check out the REAL Japan, shall we?”

We cut briefly to the inside of a store. Lexy is now holding the camera, slowly panning over some incredibly expensive looking electrical equipment including cell phones and music players and speakers. Nate looks pretty excited about some of the stuff he’s seeing. “Holy hell, you should see some of this stuff. I mean sure, most of this stuff is out in the states already, but it looks all bad-ass with the Japanese writing shit on it,” he says excitedly. “I feel like I just walked in to a movie.”

Lexy stops on one particular phone. “My friend has this exact phone,” she mutters. “This stuff is pretty lame babes. How is this the ‘real’ Japan? You can buy all of this back home.”

“Sure, but look at the prices,” he says, holding up the price of the cell phone. “Eighteen thousand, it’s so awesome! Oh wow, you know what we should do?”

“It has something to do with something that’s over nine thousand, doesn’t it?” Lexy asks, letting out another sigh.

Nate just stares at the camera a moment before sighing. “Dammit, it’s no fun when you spoil the punch line...” he mutters before we cut to another store, this time Lexy is once again holding the camera while Nate is excitedly checking out what seem at first to be comic books, but as Lexy pans around slightly more we can see we are actually in a sex shop, and Nate seems to be reading some of the manga. “You know I have absolutely no fucking idea what they’re saying in this, but goddamn these women are hot. Babe, we’re buying some of these outfits. You’d look incredibly hot dressed in this.”

He holds up the comic he’s reading to reveal a large image of a woman in an outfit that looks somewhat like black leather. It’s a full outfit, neck to feet, but with large areas missing at the front that her breasts are sticking out of and around her groin. Nate grins excitedly and Lexy just sighs. “What’s the point in that outfit? Seriously, isn’t just being naked hotter?”

“Oh, this is hotter,” he replies excitedly. “I wonder where they keep the kinky outfits...”

We cut again to another location within the building. Nate is holding up a selection of different manga inspired outfits, including an incredibly slutty nurse outfit that puts normal slutty nurse outfits to shape. He nods happily. “I think he’s in heaven right now,” Lexy explains to the camera. “I seriously have never seen him want to spend this much money on clothes before.”

“I love Japan,” he states happily. “Ooh, what’s back here? If they keep these outfits in the store, just IMAGINE how awesome the stuff back here could be...”

He disappears behind a curtain. Lexy doesn’t move however. Instead she just focuses the camera back on another outfit that she seems to be admiring. “This one isn’t so bad,” she says, holding up an outfit that looks shockingly familiar to fans of Pokémon. “I mean, I’m pretty sure there’s something deeply disturbing about wanting to have sex with a little girl from a cartoon, but then that’s not even the most disturbing thing Nate’s suggested this week so far... and it’s Tuesday.”

“OH-MY-FUCKING-GOD,” comes an exclamation from behind the curtain. Lexy puts the outfit down and walks through the curtain to find Nate spinning around in the room that seems to be filled with vending machines. He’s getting more and more excited as he spins. “Oh wow. Oh my fucking wow! You can buy fucking ANYTHING in machines in Japan. I mean, check this shit out. Drinks, that’s pretty standard. More drinks. Snacks – and check out some of those snacks? I mean shit, that alone is reason to get excited. But then, check this... underwear!”

“Why would you have an underwear vending machine?” Lexy asks in disbelief. “Seriously, what are Japanese people doing that they need fresh underwear randomly... and whatever the answer to that is, which I probably DON’T want to know, why would they want to buy it from a VENDING MACHINE?!”

“Because vending machines are the future babe,” Nate says excitedly, “but check it out. That’s not even the best bit. I mean, I heard these existed but I never thought they REALLY existed. Only they do! They fucking exist...”

“What? It’s something disgusting, isn’t it?” Lexy asks, hesitating before turning the camera toward what Nate is getting excited about. At first it looks like another underwear vending machine, until she looks slightly closer. “Wait, is that a vending machine for USED underwear?!”

“YEAH IT IS,” Nate squeals excitedly. “Holy shit babe, used underwear vending machine! This shit is REAL! The Japanese REALLY DO HAVE THIS SHIT! This is so incredible. I’m buying some. I’ve GOT to buy some...”

“You’re kidding?” she asks, more in hope than expectation. “You’re really going to spend money on underwear that’s been worn by someone else... and probably not even the person on the box.”

“Of course it’s the person on the box,” he says, hesitating a little. “Why wouldn’t it be the person on the box? Nah, they’ve got laws about this shit I’m sure.”

“Oh god, I’m not sure if I hope they do or they don’t,” she mutters before turning and walking out of the small room and back in to the main store. “Seriously, which is creepier, that they actually passed a law that says that there’s someone who has to check that the used panties for sale really belong to the person who they’re meant to, or that they leave this whole thing unregulated? Honestly Japan, honestly, what is wrong with you? I was just about with you on the whole crazy animated stuff, some of that is pretty cool. And I was tolerant when it came to the weird love of animated little girls. That seems pretty wrong to me, but I was tolerant. But girls selling their underwear? SERIOUSLY?! What the hell is wrong with you Japan...?”

“It is called Burusera,” a Japanese voice informs her as she walks through the store talking to the camera.

“Oh, they have a name for it? Buruscreepy, if you ask me,” she says before shuddering. “Please tell me he’s not really going to buy some...”

She turns back to the other side of the room where Nate emerges from behind the curtain with something in his hands. She sighs as the same Japanese person speaks again. “I think he bought some.”

“Yeah, I noticed, thanks,” she says with a sigh before we fade out.

We cut from the Japanese store to the United States of America. It isn’t entirely clear how many days have passed between the two clips but in front of the camera, with an American flag waving behind him, stands Nate Chapel. “Ladies and gentlemen of America, everyone knows that I’m a creative genius,” he states, talking to the camera proudly. “You all already know me as the mastermind behind such thrilling games as Strip Buggy and Strip World Cup, the second of which continues to take the world by STORM. Well, today I bring you the latest in my games that will change the world and redefine the way we think about society. Today I bring to you arguably the second greatest thing I’ve ever created – I mean, the first WOULD be the Chapel Show, but that’s more a co-creation, and this may be a great game but it’s never going to top Strip World Cup, which I won again last night by the way. Awesome seeing your wife naked for half the day! Seriously, if you’ve not played already, what are you waiting for? Strip World Cup, bitches! But anyway, it’s now time to debut my latest creation. I call this one... HOW GAY IS YOUR GIRLFRIEND?”

He hits a button and we hear pre-recorded applause and whistling. Along with music playing and the name of the show repeated in a much deeper voice. “HOW GAY IS YOUR GIRLFRIEND?”

Nate nods at the camera, then motions like he’s trying to silence the non-existent crowd. “Thank you, thank you, you’re all much to kind. Yes ladies and gentlemen, the next smash hit from the genius mind of Nathan Chapel is upon us, born out of an idea on a Japanese street. And it’s the question that we all want to answer. So, without further ado let’s bring out our contestant. You know her as the host of the Chapel Show, the EXODUS Pro International Champion, and the girl who got caught masturbating by a documentary team... I give to you, ALEXANDRA CHAPEL,” he says, motioning to one side. The video cuts very professionally to another part of the set where a curtain drops and we see Lexy standing behind it. Once again pre-recorded clapping is heard. She walks off the platform she’s standing on and we cut back to the first angle where she’s now joining Nate. “That’s right, Alexandra Chapel. Now, my sources tell me you prefer to be called Lexy, is that true?”

“You know I do babes,” Lexy says with a sigh.

“Babe, if you don’t play along this doesn’t count as one of your Strip World Cup forfeits,” he says, shaking his head disappointedly.

She rolls her eyes toward the camera. “I mean, yes Mr Chapel, I do prefer to be called Lexy.”

“And tell me Lexy, how did it feel to have your dad walk in on you while you were playing with yourself?” he asks, and it’s immediately obvious from the look on her face that it’s not a question she wants to answer. “Was it embarrassing? Did it forever change the way he saw his ‘little girl’? And more importantly, who was it you were thinking about? What stud was on your mind when you were touching yourself?”

“Oh, it wasn’t a stud at all,” she says, shaking her head. “Actually, if you want the truth, I just saw Tomb Raider earlier that night, and wow is Angelina Jolie ever hot... I felt like I was burning inside, I just HAD to do something about it...”

Nate stands there, unsure what to say for a moment. “...ok, well that’s a lie, we were talking on the phone at the time so I know it was me that got you hot,” he says before laughing, “but goddamn babe, that would be awesome if that was true!”

She shrugs her shoulders. “Who says I can’t think about someone else when you’re talking?” she asks, flashing him a smile. “I mean, who says I even think about you when you’re on top of me?”

He looks a little uncertain for a moment. “No way you’re thinking of Angelina Jolie while we’re having sex. And honestly, just the thought of it... is making me want to stop recording this and take you to the bedroom right now and see whose name you cry out. But, we’ll do that later. FIRST, it’s time for the greatest game show in American history,” he says confidently. “Right, Lexy here already knows the rules, but for the benefit of new viewers, THIS is how the game is played...”

We cut to a short video clip explaining the rules. We see a chair on a stage, and Nate sitting opposite that chair holding up a sign. An unknown voice then does the voice over. “The first round is our always popular Rorschach Round. We ask the contestant to say what they see, and our expert decides whether their answers indicate they might be gay...” Nate holds his thumb up to the camera.

We then see a podium, and Nate standing in front of it with a bunch of cards. “The second round is our Quick Fire Question Round,” the voice explains. “Our host asks a series of questions, and then decides based on each answer whether or not the contestant might be gay...” Nate holds up his thumb to the camera again.

We see the chair again from the first round, only this time Nate is standing in front of it holding a piece of card that reads ‘exciting fact’. “In our third round we reach out an EXCITING FACT to the contestant,” the voiceover guy says excitedly. “Using this exciting fact, our host then determines whether or not the fact leads him to believe the contestant might be gay...” Once again Nate holds up his thumb to the camera.

We then see a curtain again, much like the one Lexy was behind. “And in our final round, we bring out Cindy...” says the voiceover guy. The curtain drops and we see a blonde woman in high heels and a very tight, short dress. She waves at the camera and blows it a kiss. “Cindy is every man’s dream girl, but is she also the dream girl of the woman? Our final round consists of a special meeting between our contestant and Cindy, after which the question will be answered, HOW GAY IS YOUR GIRLFRIEND?” We see Nate giving a thumbs up one final time.

With the interlude over we cut back to the ‘show’ where we see Lexy sitting in the chair from the first of the four round announcements. Nate sits down opposite Lexy, holding a series of cards. “Ok Contestant Lexy, this is the first round... and it’s our Rorschach Round. Remember, in this round you’ve got to look at these images and tell us what you see,” he explains before positioning the cards. “So, are you ready?”

“Let’s get this over with,” Lexy says with a sigh before looking at Nate. “I mean yes Mr Chapel, I’m so excited. Let’s do this!”

“Ok, so take a look at these Rorschach cards, and tell us what you see,” he says before revealing the first card. He doesn’t show it to the camera, only to Lexy.

She looks at it in disbelief for a moment before looking up at him. “Seriously, you want me to tell you what that looks like?” she asks, uncertainly. “It’s... boobs. You’ve drawn boobs on the card.”

“Interesting,” Nate says, nodding his head. “Ok, now take your time and tell us what you see in this next one...”

He reveals the next card. She bows her head and shakes it slowly. “I’m seeing a pattern here. More boobs,” she says before rolling her eyes. He reveals the next one and she again rolls her eyes. “Yep, and more boobs...”

“Interesting, very interesting, you seem to be obsessed with boobs,” he says before looking over at the camera and nodding. He looks back again. “And in the final one, tell me what you see here...”

“That’s a picture of me naked,” Lexy says, trying to reach for it. Nate pushes her back though.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, answer the question contestant,” he says, “or I’ll have to show this picture to the world. Tell me, what do you see?”

“...I see a naked woman,” Lexy mutters.

Nate nods his head, putting the cards back together. He never shows them to the camera. “Well contestant, it would seem that you’ve got a preoccupation with boobs and naked women. This leads to believe, after one round, that you may be gay!”

There’s more fake applause that’s clearly edited in after filming this time. We cut from there to the location from the second mini-video clip. Lexy is standing behind the platform. In front of her there’s a whiteboard with the word ‘SCOREBOARD’ written across the top. It’s divided in two. One half says ‘STRAIGHT’ and the other half says ‘GAY’. There’s one mark in the gay column at present. After a few seconds we hear the pre-recorded crowd again. “Where is that coming from?” Lexy asks, looking around. “Seriously, how did you even get that?”

“Get what?” Nate asks, innocently. “Anyway, now it’s time for the Quick Fire Question Round. In this round we’ll ask you three questions. You can only answer with one of the multiple-choice options given at the beginning of the question. Do you understand?”

Lexy stands there. After a second Nate tries to encourage her. “Sorry, you didn’t give me multiple choice options, I got confused.”

Nate shakes his head slowly. “Typical blonde, dyes her hair red to avoid the blonde jokes but doesn’t change,” he says mockingly. Lexy shoots him a dirty look. “Ok, first question. You may only answer YES or NO. Are you in favour of gay marriage?”

“Yes,” Lexy says before trying to stop him marking the board for another mark in the gay column. “Whoa, that’s hardly fair to judge based on that. Plenty of straight people agree with it. I mean, it makes sense. Why shouldn’t they be allowed to marry? If I was married to a woman I bet I wouldn’t want to choke her in her sleep, but that happens with my husband all the time...”

Nate ignores her argument completely. “You answered YES,” he states, marking a second mark in the gay column. “This once again leads to believe that you’re gay. Ok, second question. This time you may answer TRUE or FALSE. Is it true that the best sex you’ve ever had was with your husband?”

Lexy bows her head, a little embarrassed. She looks up at the camera and then at Nate, who’s grinning at her. “I’m tempted to say no now just to spite you,” she says before sighing. “True.”

“You answered TRUE,” Nate states, drawing a line in the ‘straight’ column. “That makes things interesting. Ok, final question. This could tie it up, or it could mean that gay takes a two point lead. You may answer YES or NO. The question is... do you love your husband’s cock?”

“I should have known this would be about flattering your ego,” she says, rolling her eyes. “I’m not sure I love it exactly, but given those two options... yes.”

“Oh, she answered yes,” Nate says in an excited game show host manner. “That ties it all up at two a piece at the end of Round Two. Join us again for Round Three, after these messages.”

We fade out. We then fade back in again. Lexy is once again back in the chair from the previous round. Nate walks in to view with a card marked ‘EXCITING FACT’. He looks at it, clearly pleased with himself. “Ok, what ridiculous thing have you made up now?” Lexy asks, rolling her eyes again.

“Welcome to Round Three. In this round we read out an EXCITING FACT, and based on that fact we determine whether or not you may be gay,” he explains. “To help with this round, I welcome Captain Woofers.”

The camera pans down to reveal the Chapel’s dog sitting there wagging his tail excitedly. “You’re involving the dog in this?” Lexy asks suspiciously. “Oh god, this is going to be bad...”

Nate ignores her, leaning down to question the dog. “Captain Woofers, it says on this card that ONE in every THREE people is gay. I know I’m not gay, but tell me, are you?” The dog barks. Nate nods his head like it was an answer. “That’s what I thought. So if you’re not gay, and I’m not gay, that leaves...”

He looks up at Lexy, who starts laughing. “Seriously, one in three people are gay? That’s your fact? Did YOU know that one hundred percent of facts used in Nate Chapel television shows are made up by Nate Chapel?”

“You’re just a sore loser contestant, because now it seems you MIGHT BE GAY,” he says, drawing a mark in the gay column. “But this contest will come to its end in our final round. For the final round, let’s bring out CINDY!”

‘Bad Girlfriend’ by Theory of a Deadman plays Cindy from the earlier video walks out. She struts around the ‘stage’ area for a moment before stopping next to Nate. Nate looks at Lexy and grins. She sighs and stands up. “Hi,” Cindy says seductively. “You must be the contestant. Want to make out?”

“It all rides on this answer,” Nate says, turning to the camera excitedly. “Right now we answer the question, HOW GAY IS YOUR GIRLFRIEND. Let’s find out...”

Lexy walks over to Cindy. She grabs her by the hair and leans her over before leaning over and kissing her deeply. Nate’s mouth drops open a little. He stares at the two of them kissing for a moment. Cindy grabs Lexy, obviously enjoying the kiss, and after a few seconds Lexy’s hand moves down to Cindy’s ass. When she finally finishes she looks up at Nate and the camera and shrugs. “See, told you I’d make a good lesbian.”

“That was FUCKING HOT,” Nate says excitedly. “Oh shit, do it again. If this show ever takes off I’m using that in ALL the promotional material...”

Lexy starts laughing. “You know what show would work really well? How Gay Is Your Boyfriend,” she says, winking at him. “It could feature the exciting Dildo Blowjob Round, where you’re judged on commitment, technique and enjoyment. And I know babes, I know, you’d definitely score a ten for enjoyment.”

“Yeah, that’s not happening,” Nate says, shaking his head. He turns back to the camera again. “So ladies and gentlemen, tonight we answered the age old question, and we found out the answer. Tonight, contestant Lexy Chapel was in the chair, but next week it could be YOU who gets the ultimate question answered. That question is of course HOW GAY IS YOUR GIRLFRIEND? Thank you ladies and gentlemen, thank you for your time and good night.”

He waves to the camera and then turns to Lexy, pretending to talk to her in the same way you see game show hosts talking to the contestants after the game is over and the credits are rolling, except he’s not actually saying anything. She just looks up at him and laughs. “You’re an idiot,” she says as there’s a ring on the doorbell. She walks over toward the door, moving some of the ‘set’ out the way to reach it. As she pulls the door open we can see the person on the other side. The man is definitely older, based on his appearance. Lexy just stands there stunned for a moment. Nate looks over, trying to figure out why there’s no talking, when Lexy finally says something. “What are YOU doing here?”

“Who is it babe?” Nate asks, looking over.

“Turn off the camera, don’t record this,” Lexy instructs. “I don’t want to film this.”

“Why, who is it?” he asks, moving toward the camera with concern.

“It’s my dad.”

We cut back to the Chapel apartment where Lexy is once again sitting on the couch. She looks at the camera before shrugging her shoulders. “So, um... yeah. Like I said earlier, speaking of good and evil, my dad showed up this week completely out of the blue. It was unexpected to say the least. I haven’t seen him – seen any of my family really – since before Nate and me got married, since before we moved out here to the US, since before the whole Chapel Show even started, so it took me by surprise the say the least. I didn’t even really get to ask him what he wanted, I was a little too shocked. He talked to Nate a bit, that... didn’t go too well. He wanted to talk to me, but I didn’t even know where I would begin so...” she says before trailing off and shrugging her shoulders. “I’m going to talk to him. I mean, I have to, right? Or do I? I really don’t know. See, the thing about my dad – about my whole family – is that they’ve obviously been a huge part of my life, they’ve obviously helped define who I am, my dad taught me the difference between right and wrong and for the most part he was an inspiration to me. But I haven’t actually spoken to him in months and... I just didn’t really know how to deal with that this week. When I figure it out, I’m sure you guys will get to come along for the ride. But the shock of seeing him, the whole surprise of him showing up out of the blue like that, it got me thinking about a lot of things, not least of all it got me thinking about this business, and what it does to people we care about.”

“A few weeks ago, in a tag team match between Gods & Monsters and the team of WEAPON, Fiona Collins and me, there was a lot of things said between the six of us. One thing that has stuck with me, one thing that I’ve been unable to forget about, is the reason that in everything I talked about earlier so much of it was directed toward Christum. It’s also one of the reasons I’ve not been on Twitter much the last couple of weeks. In that match Christum told me that he was willing to go further than I was, and he threatened to hurt my husband just to mess with me, just to throw me off my game, just to get inside my head. Normally stuff like that wouldn’t bother me, and I mean it didn’t really, at the time. At the time I put it down as just one of those stupid threats people make when they’re trying to sound tough. Only it was more than that, and it’s played on my mind since, and when I saw my dad again that was something that definitely rushed in to my head, because this business affects lives,” she says before pausing and shifting in her seat. “This business changes people for the worse. It makes people do things that they wouldn’t otherwise do. It has the ability to bring out the darkness in even the best of people, so if the people aren’t even that good to begin with, it has the ability to corrupt them in ways you can’t even begin to imagine. I fear that that’s what happened to Sally. She was good once. She was ‘just like me’. I know, because she said it nine thousand times. She was good once, and now she’s not.”

“Last week I saw the depths that she was willing to go to. Last week I saw the things she was willing to do. She put her feet on the ropes in order to pin me, and she considered that a victory. That may, by itself, not seem like too much of a big deal, but that was just the beginning I feel. And every week right now I feel like I’m getting sucked in to something that I didn’t want to be a part of to begin with. Every week right now I feel like I’m getting sucked in to a war, and I’m afraid for what the war will do to everyone involved,” he says softly. “Seeing my dad really brought that home for me, because he was involved in a war as well. He was involved in a war with a man named Victor Vicious. Ok, so that wasn’t his real name. His real name is Victor Chapel. He’s my father in law. He’s also my dad’s mortal enemy, and their war went far beyond wrestling. It began in the ring. It began over a championship, in fact. But what it turned in to, the darkness that oozed out of both of them, was so much more than just a wrestling rivalry. It was pure hatred. When they got in that ring with each other they weren’t just trying to beat each other, they weren’t just trying to score a pin, they wanted to inflict pain, they wanted to inflict humiliation, and to do that nothing was off limits. They’d try to actually injure each other. They’d try to put each other on the shelf. And they’d involve so much more than just themselves in the war. My mother was a big part of it. I guess she was the central reason that it got as personal as it did. And it affected my life.”

“That’s the reason I’m telling you this story. Their rivalry affected my life, and not in a good way. Their rivalry meant that whenever I attended wrestling shows when I was a little girl I had to have somebody with me all the time, not just to make sure I didn’t get in to any trouble but to legitimately keep me safe in case Victor Vicious decided to get at my dad through me. I know the same was true for his family. Every show Nate went to, he had to have someone watching him. Their feud became so personal that they were both afraid that the other would strike at their CHILDREN just to hurt them. Do you have any idea how fucked up that is as well? People involving your FAMILY in a battle between you that’s SUPPOSED to simply be about who the better competitor is inside the ring on a given night,” she says, shaking her head slowly and hanging her head a little. “I understand how seriously some people take things. I understand the lengths they’ll go to. I understand the depths they’ll sink to. And when I started my career I swore – I SWORE – that I would never get involved in anything like that, that I would never let business become THAT personal, and yet right now I’m mixed up in something that’s more personal than business, I’m mixed up in a war between people that I shouldn’t be a part of... and I’m a little bit scared that when this war really goes up a level, it could be my family, my husband, who’s put in the firing line, just like I was. I’m not sure how comfortable I can be with that.”

“Now this isn’t me backing out on anything I said earlier. This isn’t me backing out on any promises I’ve made. This isn’t me chickening out on my place in the battle against Gods & Monsters. I meant every word I’ve spoken so far about that. But this is me telling you that I understand how deeply personal things can get, and I’m saying this on the week that, for the third week in a row, I’m a soldier in the war, because this week the war between ‘us’ and ‘them’ continues. This week I step in to the ring with another ‘Gods & Monsters’ member in Savannah Taylor, the current reigning EXODUS Pro San Diego Bay Champion, and I would love to say that she’s holding that championship because she’s earned it, because she’s a worthy champion, because she’s deserving of everything that led her to that title, but then we both know I’d be making stuff up, don’t we?” she says before sighing long and hard. “I didn’t ask for this. I didn’t ask to be put in this position. I didn’t ask to be involved in a war. But yet here I am. Here I am receiving threats to my family. Here I am listening to lunatics ranting about prophecies and their own agendas. Here I am this week forced in to the ring with a woman who’s shown that she’ll do whatever it takes to get what she wants, and this week what she wants is to beat WEAPON and me. Who’s to say she’s not capable this week of getting exactly what she wants? That’s not a lack of confidence talking, that’s a sense of realism talking.”

“It is my honest believe that Savannah Taylor should be ashamed of herself. She should be ashamed of who she is. She should be ashamed of what she’s done. She should be ashamed of the person she’s become while doing the things she’s done. She should be, but she’s not. She’s not ashamed at all; in fact she embraces it all. She enjoys it. When people stab their friends in the back, she laughs. When people betray everything they were, she smiles. She enjoys it. She enjoyed when Sally betrayed everything she used to be to join Gods & Monsters. She preaches hate. She repeats the same propaganda as everyone else with belief in it. Jonathan Collins is evil, Fiona Collins gets handed everything she wants, and Lexy Chapel needs to be taught a lesson,” she says before letting out a sigh. “Why is that becoming a reoccurring theme in all of this? Why is it they think I’m naive? Why is it they think that I don’t understand what’s ‘really happening’? Savannah even thinks I’m being bribed. She thinks four weeks ago I was paid to join the team. She thinks that I’d do it for a new house or for money, and not simply because it was the RIGHT thing to do. Then again, I guess fighting because it’s the right thing to do isn’t anything someone like HER would understand, because she and all her kind only ever think about themselves and how every situation can benefit them. They don’t think about the fans. They don’t think about the prestige of the championships the reputations of which they tarnish. They think about themselves.”

“Just out of interest Savannah, how is it that Brett Sands isn’t already a member of Gods & Monsters? He’s a self-involved asshole as well from what I’ve heard, he seems like he’d be a perfect fit for your little clique. Then again maybe I’m wrong; maybe he’s not your type. Maybe he has a brain. That seems to be a requirement to be a part of Gods & Monsters, that being that you can’t think for yourself. You can’t demonstrate independent thought. Instead you’ve got to follow the mantra. You’ve got to hate Jonathan. You’ve got to believe he’s a corrupt official. You’ve got to blame him for all the wrongs in the world. You’ve got to assume that Fiona – who, by the way, has kicked ASS in this company and has proven herself god knows how many times against just about everyone who’s walked through the door – has been HANDED everything and she’s just as bad as he supposedly is. You’ve got to believe all of this absolutely, and you’ve got to talk about it over and over and over,” she says, rolling her eyes. “And honestly, you think I haven’t heard it all already? I heard it months ago from Jerry Matthews. I heard it from Christum. I heard it from Sally, twice. And of course I’ve heard it from Savannah. According to them Jonathan Collins is to blame for every wrong in the world. Every time they lose, it must be his fault. For the fact that they’ve not got everything they want, it must be his fault. For the fact that they don’t get showered in opportunity it’s CLEARLY his fault. Well you know what all that is? Excuses!”

“It’s all excuses Savannah, and not even good ones. It’s not even like you deliver it in some interesting way either. It’s all just the same old shit, said by the same bitter people, in the same bitter tone. And it’s all EXCUSES. None of it has anything real to back it up. It’s all just lashing out angrily at someone because they’re there. And it’s all in your heads. All this anger, all this corruption, all this rage, it’s all in your fucking heads and quite frankly it’s starting to get in to mine, and get on my nerves,” she says, rolling her eyes again. “I don’t even need to listen to Savannah this week to know what she’s going to say. She’ll blame the loss a few weeks ago on Jonathan, somehow. It’ll all be his fault. God forbid she just come out and admit that she got beaten. God forbid that she just come out and say that on the night Fiona, WEAPON and me were better. No, that won’t happen. It’ll be all Jonathan’s fault. It’ll be a corrupt official, or a corrupt call, or a corrupt SOMETHING because THAT’S all these people have, and yet they obsess over it, it drives them, and the hatred they feel isn’t only corrupting them, it’s corrupting us as well. It’s dragging us in. It’s making us just like them. It’s forcing us to fight them week after week – it’s forcing ME to fight them week after week – with no end in sight. And this hate, this rage, this war only goes one way. It ends up becoming personal. And I end up back where I was when I was a little girl, having to have someone look after me at shows to make sure I don’t get hurt.”

“Well that’s NOT how it’s going to be. Do you understand me? I will NOT allow that to happen. I don’t want to go through that again. I don’t want to become that person. I don’t want to have to be worrying about Nate’s safety when I’m in the ring because of what someone else might do to him to get to me. I don’t want ANY of it. And I’m going to stop it. Savannah, do you understand me? I’m going to STOP this. That’s my motivation this week. I’m not fighting you for Jonathan. I’m not fighting you for the Seikigun. I’m not fighting you for any reason other than for myself, because it’s the RIGHT thing to do, and because I will NOT let you drag me in to another rivalry that transcends this business. I will NOT let you make me a VICTIM,” she almost screams. “I’ve done it all before. I’ve been in the back and I’ve been afraid, it is NOT happening again. That’s why this week I’m going to get in to the ring with you and I’m going to FIGHT you. And this week I have every intention of BEATING you as well and sending a message to you, to Gods & Monsters, and to everyone else like you that I am NOT being drawn in to your bullshit. Do you think you know me Savannah? You don’t. You think I’m naive. You’re wrong. You think I’m misguided. You’re wrong. I know exactly what I’m doing and I know the reasons I’m doing it. This week you’re going to find out just how serious I am about that as well. You see you can threaten with the best of them. You’ve said some scary stuff. You’ve done your best to intimidate me. But I’m not afraid. I’m not running. I’m still here. I’m still FIGHTING!”

“I’ll keep fighting as well. I’ll keep fighting for what I believe in, because THAT is who I am. I’m not a follower. I’m not a child. I’m not some naive fool who needs saving. I am PROUD of who I am. I love Jonathan, I admire everything he’s done, I respect the hell out of him, but I am NOT some puppet who’s so lost in all of that that she doesn’t understand what’s important, because I know what’s important. I know it better than you or your partner realise. Brett hates him too, doesn’t he? He hates authority in general. He has a grudge against everyone it would seem. He commits evil acts because he enjoys them. And I have no doubt that there are people who probably need protecting from him as well. He’s a lot like you guys, I have no doubt he’d do anything for a win, I have no doubt that he’d use someone’s family against them, and I have no doubt he’d go to great lengths to hurt people,” she says, shaking her head slowly. “He also likes concocting crazy theories that lead to him blaming Jonathan for everything as well. What happened to him sucked – I mean, it was probably deserved but I don’t like to judge things I don’t know all the facts about, so I won’t – but now he’s reaching for people to blame, rather than looking in the mirror. He’s lashing out at anyone and everyone, wanting to make them all suffer just because he can. And just like you Savannah, he’s making excuses. He’s the kind of guy in this business I hate as well, just because of his attitude toward things.”

“He’s the kind of guy who’ll tell you before a match how much he wanted to win it, and afterwards if he loses tell you that it didn’t matter anyway. He’s the kind of guy who’ll talk down to you, and when you prove him wrong he’ll turn around and talk down about you even more, hoping if he can discredit you enough then maybe people will believe that he was right and you DON’T matter. The problem is if the people who beat him don’t matter, what does that say about him?” she asks before shrugging her shoulders. “He may be your perfect partner though Savannah. He’s one of the few people who’s as disgustingly corrupt as you are. That’s what makes this match interesting though, because WEAPON is one of few people who’s as willing to fight for the right things as I am. That makes this match this week a battle of good against evil, which brings us all the way back to the beginning. This week it’s the good against the bad, the fighters against the destroyers, those who fight because they LOVE this business and they RESPECT this business against those who fight for personal selfishness and because they want to make other people suffer. I’m honoured to be teaming with WEAPON. I’m honoured to be standing with him. I trusted him before. I trust him again right now. And this week, just like before, I’ll be honoured to give one hundred percent, win or lose. I never asked to be put in this situation, I never asked to be involved in this, and I know where it leads, but this week I am here, and this week I’m going to show the world that the only way to stop evil isn’t to argue with it, but just to OVERCOME it.”

“Evil people can’t be reasoned with. I learned that a long time ago. I learned that while I was being watched backstage. I learned that while I was being protected in the car. I learned that when I was threatened by my father’s enemies. I learned that again when I was threatened by Christum Furor. Evil people can’t be reasoned with, they can’t be helped, they can’t be taught, there’s only ONE way you can overcome the evil people of this world and that’s to get in to the ring with them and FIGHT them and BEAT them, and that’s what I intend to do this week. This week, it’s the WEAPON of Justice and Lexy Chapel, the little girl who’s shown she can, against the corrupt and the evil. This week, we fight for what we believe in. And this week, with a little perseverance and luck, we overcome evil, because I’m not letting you corrupt me, and I’m STOPPING this before it becomes a full scale war,” she says proudly before nodding at the camera. “So, tomorrow I have a fight back to Japan, and Monday we go back to fight once again. And in the meantime, if you liked what you saw, you know what to do by now. Hit that subscribe button so you never miss an episode of the Chapel Show, leave a comment, or catch us on Twitter. Our details are in the section below. Don’t let the red hair fool you though folks, I do have a soul, and this week I intend on proving it. I hope you enjoyed the show this week. As always, I’ve been Lexy Chapel and this has been another episode of The Chapel Show. Until next time, fuckers!”

She winks at the camera. The Chapel Show logo flashes up on the screen then and the video begins to fade out, and after a few seconds it ends and the replay button flashes up on the screen.