THE CHAPEL SHOW
Episode: S02E07
Date: 03/05/2015

The video begins as we see the inside of a now growingly familiar sight, that being the bedroom of Nate and Lexy Chapel at their new home in Thousand Oaks that they now share with Lexy’s new partner in crime. She sits cross-legged on the bed wearing a t-shirt that reads ‘Don’t like me? Sit in line with the rest of the bitches waiting for me to give a fuck’. After a second or two however she smirks at the camera. “What’s up fuckers? I’m Lexy Chapel, this is the Chapel Show and this is the IWC Tag Team Championship,” she says, reaching to her side and proudly lifting the title belt lying there next to her. “Yeah, it’s that title. The one that we’re not going to win! The one that the mummy’s girl and the beast are going to stop us from ever claiming. The one that two little girls from England couldn’t possibly rise to this quickly. The one that defines being the best damn tag team in IWC, and ladies and gentlemen you are right now looking at one half of the best damn tag team in IWC. I told you that before but nobody believed me. Why would you, right? I’m nobody. I’m a rookie here. I’m another pretender arriving from the independent scene to get put in her place by the best of the best here in the big leagues. Well, that didn’t happen! But you know what did, don’t you?”

She laughs, breathing on the title belt and shining it up with her t-shirt, exposing her midriff as she does. When she’s done shining the title she puts it proudly over her shoulder before patting it happily. “Of course I won’t stand here and tell you that everything went exactly the way I hoped it would. Then again from what I’m told nothing in IWC ever goes exactly the way people think it will, does it? But that’s part of the drama. That’s part of the fun! The one you thing you need to do in IWC is expect the unexpected and fortunately for us we were expecting the unexpected a few weeks ago when we got ready to step in to the ring against the aforementioned mummy’s girl and her super jacked up tag team partner. Hell we went in to Riot not knowing what to expect. Was ‘Silas World’ going to work together? Was one of them going to abandon the other? Was the match going to take place? Was it going to be a handicap match? Nobody knew,” she says, obviously over exaggerating the unexpectedness of it all. “But one thing they did know – one thing they SHOULD have known – was that Wicked Intent were going to leave with these titles. We did warn you after all, you can’t say fairer than that. So out we went to the ring on the biggest night of our lives, the first chance for me to actually hold a title in this business people have heard of, and what happened?”

She sighs and rolls her eyes. “Sure, nobody knew what to expect. Nobody knew what kind of shape the so-called champions were going to be in. Nobody knew if they were going to stab each other in the back or eat each other out. Nobody knew! We were expecting just about anything, but we weren’t expecting two entirely different bitches,” she says, shaking her head slowly. “Yet, that’s what we got. Wicked Intent in the ring, ready to fight for the gold, and instead of doing that we find ourselves in a match against Bad Behaviour? Now I’m not exactly a stickler for the rules. I’ve seen how far following the rules to the letter can get you in this business, and trust me it’s not where I wanted to be. And we were expecting just about anything to happen, but come the fuck on, who was expecting that? Who was expecting those two to stick their noses into our business? And why, because they felt all justified over something we did that they didn’t like? Sorry ladies, I know you’ve got the collective IQ of Hodor – it’s actually shocking to me that either of you can say more than your own name, although it would be a lot less annoying if you stuck to just that, and probably a lot more entertaining as well – but that ain’t right! You don’t do that shit! You don’t see us going around interrupting other people and getting all up in their business…”

She tries to look serious but ends up laughing and shaking her head. “Yeah, I tried, I really thought I could say that with a straight face but I guess I couldn’t. Still, they knew what they were doing when they came out. They knew what they were doing when they got in the ring. They knew exactly what they had in mind and that was to cost us our shot just like they failed in theirs. They tried to take us out and they failed again,” she says before shaking her head and then looking at the IWC Tag Team title happily. “And they tried to cost us these, and they failed at that as well. But like I said, nothing went quite the way we expected. We knew there would be a twist when it came to ‘Silas World’. There was as well. There was a twist in the sense that there was no Brittany Lohan. There was a twist in the sense of a fired up Marie Jones. And there was a twist in the sense that what they say was a handicap match actually featured more than just Marie Jones didn’t it? Oh yeah, that’s right, it featured Marie Jones and her tag team partner, her agent, Silas Mason. They might not have tagged in and out of the match, Silas himself may not have ever gotten in the ring, but make no mistake about it he had a huge influence on everything that happened. Hell it was thanks to him that I was seeing little birdies flying around my head…”

She pouts playfully, rubbing her head while continuing to pout like she’s a victim that people should feel sorry for. Then she starts laughing. “He tried. I’ll give him credit for that. He tried really hard. He did everything he could. He helped his ‘client’ in every way possible. But he failed as well. Don’t worry though; don’t fret because Silas Mason did get something out of what happened on Riot. That’s right, Silas Mason officially earned himself the ticket of a lifetime. It’s waiting for him. He doesn’t know where, he doesn’t know when, but I guarantee you that there’s a ticket waiting for him to join in the HOTTEST party in town, the Superkick Soiree,” she says enthusiastically before laughing happily. “When you hit Kat in the back, you hit me in the face, and you try and take away from us what we went to Riot to win then you’re guaranteed a ticket. So watch out for that because when it comes we’re going to kick you so hard that I sure hope you’ve got yourself a hell of a dental plan because they’ll be piecing your jaw back together and trying to figure out which tooth goes where for weeks afterward. But threats aside and Marie Jones did everything she could to try to leave Riot with the same thing we entered it with, aside from an actual tag team partner, and she didn’t.”

She shakes her head and smiles, patting the IWC Tag title again. “And now look what we have! An actual tag team are holding the IWC Tag Team titles! I know what you’re thinking: this will NEVER last! Surely what we need is two people who’ve never teamed before to hold them. Or we need some kind of weird match where one partner switches sides and just teams with the person on the other side. Or we need someone to try out seventeen different partners in one night to see if she can finally find one she can win with. Or, of course, the old classic, we need two people who can’t stand to be in the same room as each other. But an ACTUAL TAG TEAM? No, that’s CRAZINESS,” she says mockingly, rolling her eyes in disdain before smirking at the camera again. “But you know what, as crazy as it might be I think it’s JUST crazy enough to work! So you know the names by now, don’t you? Remember them. Kat Kelly and Lexy Chapel, the new kids on the block, the unknown factor, the hosts of the Superkick Soiree, the Future Legends and your brand new IWC Tag Team Champions and let me make you a promise gentle viewers of the Chapel Show, now we have these titles they ain’t going nowhere! Wicked Intent will be your hosts for the foreseeable future. Get used to it! But speaking of parties, what would a title victory be without a good old fashioned party?”

“They want us to come to a party?” Lexy asks as we switch from the bedroom in the present to a video clip that’s clearly recorded a few weeks earlier. The camera is most likely being held by Nate Chapel as we see the living room of the house that the pair share with Kat Kelly, and that very young Brit holding her cell phone in her hand and pressing it up against herself as if she’s trying to block the person on the other end from hearing what’s being said. Lexy, meanwhile, looks on in disbelief. “Like, you and me us? Seriously?”

“That’s what she said,” Kat tells her friend happily. “What, you think that’s so crazy? They want to celebrate. They’re champions, we’re champions, it’s a double celebration!”

“Someone wants to celebrate me being a champion?” Lexy asks in disbelief again, looking over toward Nate like she can’t believe what she’s hearing. “Babes, did I hear that right? They want to celebrate me being a champion!”

“Why is this so crazy to you?” Kat asks, giving her friend a very puzzled look. “They’re our mentors. They’re proud of us. They’re throwing a party and they want us to come. So, are you in or not? I need to give an answer, like, now.”

“A party for champions,” Lexy says, still like she’s struggling to believe it. “A championship party. A celebration of championess!”

“So that’s a yes?” Kat asks in confusion as Lexy continues in the same vein. “Seriously, because if you’ve got other plans or something…”

“Other plans? Pssh, as if I have any other plans that are more important than THE PARTY OF CHAMPIONS,” she says excitedly before looking back over at Nate again excitedly. “What do champions wear to such a party? I might need to go shopping. I can’t think of anything that says ‘I’m a champion’ proudly enough. I need to get shirts printed, you know, just so everyone knows.”

Kat laughs and looks over toward Nate as well. “Is she always like this?”

“I couldn’t tell you, this is the biggest title she’s ever won,” Nate reminds the tomboy from behind the camera. “If this is how she behaves when she wins them though then by god I’m hoping for a lot more victories. You wouldn’t believe what we did last night. Lexy was—”

“I’d believe it,” Kat says, letting out a long sigh. “Seriously, I’d believe it. The walls really aren’t thick enough. If you’re going to keep that up we need to think about soundproofing your room.”

Lexy rolls across the sofa happily and takes the phone from Kat, holding it to her ear. “Oh, Lucas, hey! You’re throwing a party? I am so in,” she says happily. “By the way, you’d know this better than me since you’ve won a butt-load of titles and all. When you’re having sex on a title belt is it weird that—”

Kat snatches the phone away from her before she’s finished and quickly holds it up to herself again, once again attempting to keep the person on the other end from hearing what’s being said. “Oh god, I don’t even want to know what you were about to ask him!”

“What?” Lexy asks innocently, smiling at her friend. “As if he’s never had sex on a title before. He’s held like a gazillion of them! I seriously bet he’d know. Seriously, give me the phone back. I just want to ask him if—”

“Shut up, shut up, I don’t want to hear it,” Kat says, freaking out before raising the phone back to her ear again. “Hey. Yeah, we’ll both be there. There’s alcohol, right? A lot of alcohol? Because I think I’m going to need it. Yeah, absolutely! I’ll see you there. And thanks again.”

Kat hangs up the phone and just glares at Lexy as the redhead smiles innocently. “What? He’d have known. I bet you Lucas has done it in all kinds of wild ways,” she says, trying hard not to grin at how much she’s clearly annoying her friend. “You know what we should get for you? You know those shirts that say ‘Kiss me I’m Irish’, because apparently all Irish people are drunken whores? We should get you one that says ‘kiss me I’m a champion’. It’d help. I definitely think it’d get the message out there…”

Kat continues to glare at her. “Sometimes I can’t tell if you’re really like this or if you’re doing it just to annoy me,” she says, letting out a sigh. “Either way I really wish you’d stop.”

“Do you know what you’re wearing to the party yet?” Lexy asks with a little mischievous smile. Kat looks a little hesitant to answer. “Ok, look, I know that our last attempt at showing you off to the world didn’t go as well as it could have gone but that doesn’t mean we should give up. I definitely think we were on the right track. So how’s about you let me pick you out something to wear?”

Kat shakes her head. “Oh god, I don’t even want to think about what I’d end up wearing,” she says, absolute refusal in her eyes. “You realise that Lucas and Trinity are inviting their friends to this party, right? This is a chance for us to meet more people, this is a chance for us to mingle with some of the best in the world!”

“Yeah, I know that, and I also know that Lucas and Trinity both have male friends,” Lexy says happily. “Just think how great you’d look in that dress I showed you the other day, the one with the slit up the side? You do have great legs, it’d be a crime not to show them off.”

“You do,” Nate agrees happily, panning the camera down to her legs. Kat’s wearing a pair of shorts and she immediately tries to cover up her legs from the camera before grabbing a pillow off the couch next to her and throwing it in Nate’s direction.

“Would you seriously stop filming my legs?” she asks, irritated, before turning back to Lexy. “Besides, right now what I’m going to wear is the least of my problems. I’m more concerned going somewhere with you two.”

Lexy feigns like she’s been hurt. “Uh, how could you say such a thing? You wound me,” she says jokingly before thinking about it for a second. “Actually, you might have a point. There probably will be quite a few important people at the party. I don’t think they’d really like if it were ruined.”

“That’s what I’m saying,” Kat says in agreement and both slowly turn to look over at Nate.

“I’m not sure I like where this is going…” Nate says nervously.

“Babes, you know that I love you but you do have a habit of… there are some times in certain situations when… err, how can I put this delicately?” she asks before letting out a sigh. “Ok, remember when we went to that party in our old building and what you said?”

He sighs. “Oh, you mean the incident with that kid?” he asks before seemingly addressing Kat in an attempt to explain. “She’s going to blow this entirely out of proportion like she always does. There was this really ugly little kid, right?”

“First off you don’t tell an eight year old that they’re so ugly they should be locked in a bell tower in Notre Dame, “ she says before letting out a sigh. “And you definitely don’t say that when it’s the landlord’s child, and she was a girl!”

“How was I supposed to know that?” Nate asks defensively. “Besides, you act like one mistake—”

“One mistake?” Lexy asks. “What about—?”

“Ok, ok, geez, maybe more than one mistake,” Nate says before letting out a sigh of his own. “Look, I promise I’ll be on my best behaviour this time, ok? I’ll think before I speak and I’ll make sure not to talk to anyone without running it by you first. Besides, these are Lucas’s friends. What could possibly go wrong?”

Kat looks over at Lexy in shock. “He really said that?”

“Yep, straight to this little girl’s face,” Lexy says, nodding her head. “I swear I thought for sure that the landlord was going to kick us out. The fact that he didn’t is a miracle in itself, but whenever anything in the apartment needed fixing you just knew that it was going to take the ceiling collapsing before he gave a damn, and even then he probably wouldn’t have.”

“In my defence,” Nate begins before thinking better of it.

“Ok, so he doesn’t get to talk to any kids at the party,” Kat says, looking at him with concern for a moment. “Actually, you know what? We should maybe make that a general rule for all occasions. We’ve got neighbours and a lot of them have children… I could do without having the neighbourhood watch up my ass because he upsets everyone.”

“We’ll call that rule sixteen,” Lexy says, nodding in agreement.

“There are not sixteen rules already,” Nate says before we hear him mumbling to himself as he seems to be counting them up. We can’t hear everything he’s saying because he’s mumbling quietly enough but we can hear the words ‘rabbit’, ‘dwarf’ and ‘drunken sex swing’. After a few seconds of mumbling he lets out a sigh. “Ok, maybe there are sixteen rules already. But if I’m banned from talking to kids can I at least repeal rule nine? Seriously, I answer the door without underwear on one time and—”

Both glare at him and he grumbles and goes quiet again. “Don’t even get me started on the rules,” Kat says, shaking her head before turning back to Lexy again. “He’s not the only one I’m worried about though. You might think this ‘party of champions’ thing is a joke but it’s serious. Please don’t do anything to embarrass me!”

“Aw, hon., would I do that?” Lexy asks innocently before a grin spreads across her face. “Ok, maybe I would, but only because you need to lighten up a little. I’ll tell you what, I’ll be on my best behaviour as well if you’ll at least give me a say in what you wear. Honestly, I’ve seen some of Lucas’ friends and we’re talking hotties!”

“Ok, you get a say,” Kat tells her nervously before turning toward the door. “Oh god, I know I’m going to regret this…”

Lexy smiles happily to herself before a more serious expression returns to her face and she frowns. “Um, you know, in all the excitement for the party of champions I forgot to ask what kind of party it was,” she says, a little concerned. “I mean are we talking barbeque, are we talking sit-down dinner, or are we talking fancy rich people party? Because I know you rich people love your rich people parties but I don’t exactly fit in with those…”

We cut to some time later where we seem to once again be inside the home of Lucas Knight. The camera pans quickly around what seems like a really busy house buzzing with people and turns to see Lexy holding the camera. She lets out a long sigh. “Ok, so, my worst fears have come true,” she tells the camera before rolling her eyes. “The good news is I was right to pick what we’re wearing. Seriously, if we’d come dressed in what Kat wanted to wear then we’d look ridiculous. She thought we should dress up but I swear nobody is dressed up. But, that said, I knew this was going to happen…”

She pans the camera around and reveals a bowl of caviar on the table in front of her, making a gagging sound as she focuses on it. “It even looks disgusting,” Nate says, poking at it until Lexy slaps his hand away. “Ow!”

“Babes, you don’t poke their food,” Lexy tells him sternly before focusing in even closer on the caviar. “Even if it is weird and gross and it looks like something out of a horror movie.”

“You should try some,” he says encouragingly and with a grin on his face as Lexy quickly pans the camera up to him. “You know they say that it’s a delicacy. You’re always saying we should try new things…”

“Fuck you, you try some,” Lexy says in disgust.

“Ok, I will if you will,” Nate says with a mischievous grin as he picks up a cracker and a fancy pearl spoon and spoons out a little on to the cracker, spreading it out before taking a bite. Lexy almost holds her breath, expecting him to recoil in horror, and instead he nods a little and makes an impressed sound as he’s eating. “Hmm, that’s actually not that bad.”

“It isn’t?” she asks nervously. Nate takes the camera from her as Lexy nervously looks at the caviar and then back up at the camera. “You better not be playing me.”

“Oh c’mon, it’s not that bad,” he says, making satisfied lip-smacking sounds. “It’s a little weird I’ll grant you, and the texture is insane, but it actually tastes pretty nice.”

“It smells disgusting,” Lexy says as she smells a little of it before nervously grabbing a cracker and spooning out just a little the same way Nate did a few moments earlier. She looks disgusted as she slowly lifts it to her mouth and then moves it away, shaking her head. We see Nate reach out and playfully push her hand back toward her mouth and she takes a deep breath but just as she’s about to take a bite she drops it on the floor. “Ok, it’s gross, I can’t eat it! It’s fish eggs! It’s like unborn fish. It’s so gross!”

 “A deal’s a deal,” Nate tells her before grabbing the spoon and taking a little up on the spoon. “Seriously, just try a little. I promise it’s not that bad…”

Lexy takes the spoon from him and sighs. She takes a deep breath and takes a little bit of the caviar off the spoon, not the whole amount but definitely enough to get a taste before she starts freaking out. “Oh, oh, oh, god it’s so gross,” she squeals as Nate begins laughing behind the camera and she almost throws up, resulting in her spitting it back out again… back in to the bowl. She stares at the bowl in terror for a moment. “Oh shit…”

“Oh man, and you thought I’d get in trouble for poking it,” Nate says before laughing. “At least I didn’t spit up in it!”

“It was an accident,” Lexy says defensively. “You made me taste it, remember? And that was so an accident! Oh god, what do we do? Do we tell someone? We should tell someone, right? We should definitely tell someone.”

“Tell someone what?” an unknown party guest asks as he walks over to the table and laughs. “Can you believe that they’ve got caviar?”

“Yeah, who serves caviar at a barbeque?” Lexy asks, laughing it up. “It’s so gross as well, I bet nobody has any the whole night!”

“Oh, I don’t know, I got hooked on the stuff a few years back,” the guy tells them both and before Lexy can stop him takes the spoon and scoops out some of the bowl before putting it on a cracker and eating it. “Ah, delicious. You should try some.”

Lexy’s eyes go wider than we’ve ever seen before in terror as he munches away and she quickly tries to return to normal and smile innocently as he looks back at her. “I’m good,” she says nervously before grabbing Nate and pulling him, and the camera, away from the table. “Oh god, I can’t believe that just happened! Ok, let’s make a pact. We NEVER speak of this again! Nobody EVER finds out about this!”

“Finds out about what?” Kat asks as she appears from nowhere. She looks from Nate to Lexy and back again before letting out a long sigh. “Oh god, what did you do?”

“Nothing,” Lexy says innocently, smiling at her friend. “We did nothing. Nothing at all! But you know what? I need a drink. Don’t you need a drink babes? Yep, I definitely need a drink!”

She rushes into the kitchen and grabs a beer, opening it and downing it in one go before cringing at Nate starts to laugh. “Feel better?”

“I can still taste it,” she groans before grabbing another one and once again popping the top off. “Oh god, it’s so gross and salty. It tastes like… Well, actually no, I think that tastes better! Don’t get any ideas either, I just because it tastes better doesn’t mean anything!”

“Ok, I want this on record, the first one of us who fucked up at the party was you,” Nate says in a highly amused tone. “And just think, half an hour ago it was all ‘Nate, be on your best behaviour’ and ‘Nate, you better not embarrass us’, but which one of us just spat up in the rich person food? That would be you!”

“Shut up, it never happened,” Lexy says, drinking the second beer before shuddering again. “I seriously cannot believe people actually eat that. God, it’s so disgusting! And seriously, what the hell is wrong with Lucas? Why would he even have caviar? I knew this was going to happen. Didn’t I say this was going to happen? Normal people don’t have caviar at a damn barbeque! He’s changed babes. He’s definitely changed!”

“Well in fairness he wasn’t exactly ever like us to begin with, was he?” Nate says with a laugh. He continues filming as Lexy opens her third straight beer and begins drinking it. “Um, babe? Do you want to slow down a little? They’ve not even served lunch yet.”

“But I can still taste it,” she groans, pouting at him. “Why did you make me do this? I swear this is all your fault! Next time you’re like ‘put the gross thing in your mouth’ I’m telling you to go to hell!”

“That’s not what you said last night,” he says before laughing to himself.

She glares for a moment before letting out a sigh. “If you make me eat caviar again I’m never putting anything you want me to in my mouth again,” she says sternly before letting out another groan. “Oh god, this is the worst start ever. Please don’t let anything go wrong. I swear, if you get me through today without any disasters I’ll… ooh, you know what? If you get me through today without any disasters then tonight we’ll finally do that thing you want to do.”

“Really?” Nate asks immediately, his tone no longer humorous and mocking but filled with excitement. “You’ve got a deal! Today is going to be the smoothest party we’ve ever been to!”

Lexy continues sucking on the bottle as she drinks her third beer in quick succession before letting out a long sigh. We cut from that point to a little later on where we see Nate and Lucas standing by the patio doors, both with plates in their hands with various bits of food on each. Nate is munching on what looks like a burger while Lexy is clearly sitting somewhere on the other side of the room filming them both. From her tone she sounds considerably less sober than earlier. “The party of champions,” she says happily. “And there is one champion. Mr Lucas Knight, SCW World Tag Team Champion. I bet that title looks way pretty. I should have brought my title. What kind of party of champions is it when a champion doesn’t even have her title?”

“Are you still going on about that?” Kat asks as she walks over and sits down next to Lexy. The two sit together for a moment as Lexy continues filming the two guys on the far side of the room. “Have you tried the food? The sausages are incredible.”

Lexy giggles. Kat looks at her in confusion. “You said sausage,” the redheaded camerawoman says before giggling again.

Kat just laughs in disbelief. “How much have you had to drink?”

“Um, a few,” Lexy admits before seemingly shrugging it off. “I’m fine though. I’m totally fine. What do you think they’re talking about? Like, do you ever look at two guys and wonder what they say to each other? I do. I bet they talk about guy things. Like, right now Lucas is probably like ‘you see the game the other day?’ and Nate probably has no idea what he’s even talking about but he’s all like ‘yeah, what a game, huh?’”

Kat laughs. “You think that’s all they talk about?”

“Oh yeah, guys are totally guy-y. They only ever talk about guy stuff. Like, ok, Lucas pointing right now, what do you think he’s pointing at?” she asks before letting out a sigh. “He’s probably all like ‘yeah, see her, I’d totally bang her’. No, wait, I don’t think Lucas says stuff like that. Ooh, he’s probably all like ‘you know the problem with Arsenal is they always try to walk the ball into the net’.”

“Actually I think he’s talking about his son,” Kat informs her. “Trinity has him out in the yard.”

“He is?” Lexy asks, her attitude completely changing. “Aw, that is SO sweet! Have you seen Caleb? He’s adorable. I’m going to have kids one day and they’re going to be as adorable as him.”

“Really?” Kat asks playfully. “With Nate as their father?”

Lexy goes oddly quiet for a moment. “You have a point,” she says, as if she’s considering this for the first time. “He’ll be a good father though. You just wait. He’ll surprise everyone, even me.”

“The way you two get at it I’m shocked you don’t have one already,” Kat tells her before letting out a sigh.

“We’re not ready yet,” Lexy says, seemingly deep and contemplative for a moment. “Before we have kids I want everything to be perfect, and everything isn’t perfect right now, you know? But it will be. We’re going to save up money and we’re going to have a huge house and then we won’t have to struggle for money like my parents had to. Nuh-uh, and then when everything is perfect we’re going to have the greatest kids. Only Nate doesn’t get to pick the names, because he wants to call the first one Hans if it’s a boy and Leia if it’s a girl and I’m like ‘no! No! We should name them’ – oh my god, I love this song!”

Lexy almost forces the camera in to Kat’s hands as she gets up and we see from the awkward angle that Kat is initially holding the camera that Lexy seems drunk enough that she initially looks like she’s going to fall on her face but she recovers and staggers slowly toward the door, grabbing Nate and wrapping her arms around him. “She’s definitely had too many,” Kat says softly to the camera. “Got to be impressed she can still walk though…”

We cut to a little while later when we see Nate picking up the camera. “Ah-ha, there you are,” he says to the camera happily. “Damn, low battery. How long has this thing been on?”

“I couldn’t figure out how to turn it off so I just put a cushion on it,” Kat tells him innocently as she walks over. “Seriously, you need to show me how that thing works. But not right now. Right now I’d be more concerned about your wife. How much has she had to drink?”

“All of it,” Nate says jokingly. “I’m pretty sure that she’s drunk all the beer.”

Kat laughs and nods in agreement. “You could be right. Did you see her outside dancing?” she asks before laughing. “Man, I wish I had her… confidence?”

“If there’s one thing Lexy does not lack then its confidence,” Nate informs her before laughing and walking over toward the door. It’s evening now and there are lights up around the patio and the garden that are still providing light. In the garden itself there’s music blaring and Lexy is dancing away with another girl at the party quite happily. Nate films his wife for a moment before laughing. “Maybe I should go get her…”

“PARTY OF CHAMPIONS, WOO,” Lexy screams happily as she keeps dancing and Kat looks at Nate and nods.

“You should definitely go get her,” she says before laughing.

“Ok, hold this, and don’t put it under a damn cushion this time,” Nate tells her.

He walks over toward Lexy who sees him and immediately grabs him and starts dancing with him. Nate dances along with her for a moment before leaning in and saying something to her. She shakes her head and pouts at him. He leans in and says something else and she pouts some more. “But I don’t wanna,” we can just about hear her say. Nate grabs her and she pushes him off, but then stumbles and falls over backwards and goes head over heels into the pool.

“Oh shit,” Kat says, almost dropping the camera in shock.

We cut again, this time to a bedroom seemingly still at Lucas’s house. Lexy is lying on the bed with a towel around her hair as the camera starts rolling again. She seems at least slightly sobered up from her impromptu soaking. “You ready to go home?” Nate asks lovingly. Lexy playfully pouts and shakes her head. “C’mon babe, it’s time to go.”

“The party’s not over,” Lexy says, shaking her head. She sounds incredibly drunk now.

“I think it’s over for you,” he tells her sweetly. “C’mon, let’s finish getting you dried off, Trin’s going to loan you some clothes and then we can get you home and put you to bed.”

“But what about your reward?” Lexy asks, looking sadly at him. “I know I promiseded – promiseded? Promisededed? Promised? Promised! – I know I promised.”

He laughs. “Oh, don’t you worry, I haven’t forgotten about my reward,” he says happily. “In fact I’ve been on my best behaviour all day. You can ask anyone. I’ve been nothing but charming. You owe me. But we can do that another time…”

“You know if I’m not drunk I’m not doing it,” Lexy tells him before pouting at him again. “Seriously, you know I love you babes. You’re my man, and I love you, but there are some things that I just won’t do! That is totally one of them. So unless I’m super, super drunk then it’s not happening!”

“Oh, is that right?” he asks playfully but seemingly with a deep care. “Well you know what, I think you’re too drunk to remember what happened so tomorrow morning when you wake up maybe I’ll just tell you that we already did it and then you won’t need to worry.”

“You’d do that?” she asks lovingly. “You’re so great! Nobody sees how great you are. And I know I make jokes about you babes but I – is Kat still here?”

Nate seems a little thrown by the sudden change in the direction of the questioning. “Err, yeah. She’s downstairs. She’s waiting for us, actually,” he says with a laugh. “And out of the three of us who’d have thought I’d be the sober one at the end of the evening, huh? Why, did you think she’d leave without us?”

Lexy shakes her head. “No, but you know what you should do?” she asks drunkenly but then smiles happily. “You should go get her.”

“I think what I should do is get you dried off and downstairs so we can go home,” Nate tells her lovingly.

“Nuh-uh, you should go get her,” Lexy says, slurring her words a little. “You should go get her because you’re great, and if I’m drunk and she’s drunk then maybe we can give you a different reward!”

He laughs. “Ok, now I know we should go home, because if you’re drunk enough to suggest that…”

“I’m not that drunk,” she says, shaking her head and taking the towel off her head, wiping her face with it before looking at him sincerely. “See, I’m not that drunk! I think falling in the pool helped sober me up a little. And you’ve been joking about it all night. You’ve been joking about it forever. And now here I am telling you to go get her and you’re chickening out?”

“I’m not chickening out,” he says sternly. “I just don’t think—”

“Chicken,” she says again to cut him off. “Seriously, look at me, I’m not that drunk. I’m not. I’m one hundred percent serious. You should go get her…”

“I’m not going to get her,” he says adamantly.

“I’ll go get her,” Lexy says, starting to get off the bed.

“Ok, ok, I’ll get her,” Nate says before letting out a sigh. “There’s no way this is happening though babe. Believe me, you have no idea how much I wish it would, but you’re way too drunk and I don’t think there’s enough alcohol in the world for get to get drunk enough…”

“Just go get her,” Lexy says angrily.

“Fine,” Nate says, finally giving in after putting up way more of a fight than one would have assumed he would. He leaves the room with the camera and heads down the stairs. Kat is waiting at the bottom. “Hey. You need to come up here a minute. Lexy wants to talk to you about something.”

“Can’t it wait?” Kat asks.

“I’m not sure she’s willing to wait,” Nate says with a laugh. Kat begins coming up the stairs and Nate follows her with the camera before walking behind her as they go down the corridor together. “Ok, bear in mind she is really drunk right now, and she’s got this idea in her head that… well, I don’t think you’re going to like it.”

“What idea?” Kat asks before opening the bedroom door and stopping and then laughing. Nate moves past her and we see Lexy has clearly managed to get her top off but she’s now lying face down on the bed fast asleep. Kat laughs and looks over at Nate. “She looks like a little drunk angel.”

“She is,” Nate says with a laugh. “She’s my little drunk angel…”

We cut from the bedroom at Lucas’ place to the bedroom at Lexy’s where she’s once again sat on the bed with the IWC Tag Team title over her shoulder. “Ok, so I know you’ve got questions. Yes, caviar is disgusting and if you’ve never tried it then yes, ladies and homosexual gentlemen, it does in fact taste like that, only stronger,” she says, rolling her eyes and laughing. “Yes, it in fact turns out that my lovely husband is as lovely as I knew he was, and apparently not as sex obsessed as I was led to believe – although he does still keep saying I owe him now after I saw the tapes, and there are some things that you just shouldn’t do to thank someone, no matter how much you love them. And no, Kat and I are still just good friends and we haven’t joined the club that it seems most of the female locker room is a part of, nor will we be joining it any time soon. I know that you’re disappointed; I know that your male fantasies are just begging for the two of us to ‘get it on’ but it’s not happening. But there is something that we’ll be doing together and it does involve two other women – if you can really consider them women that is – and a pay per view. Unfortunately however that’s where the fantasy ends and the reality begins because when Invictus rolls around there won’t be any room for fantasy, just cold, hard reality.”

She smirks at the camera and then adjusts the IWC Tag title on her shoulder. “That’s because at Invictus you’re going to see Wicked Intent making our first defence of these babies right here, the IWC Tag Team Championship, and the Future Legends are going to live up to our billing by retaining these titles against the team who call themselves ‘bad behaviour’. Yeah, I know, I laughed too when I first heard the name. I laughed even more when I saw how fitting it was. Honestly though, that’s not even the stupidest thing about them,” she says, shaking her head and then smirking at the camera. “I’d try to make a top ten list of stupidest things about this team but I just don’t feel like limiting it to ten is fair on anyone. I mean, that implies there’s only ten things to make fun of and that’s just so wrong. We’re talking easily up into the hundreds here. Some are way more obvious than others though. I think I should start off by clarifying what I said a little bit ago about ‘if you can consider them women’, because I’m not implying they’re not female. They’re definitely female. This isn’t one of those ‘ha-ha-ha, they must be guys’ moments. You guys know that I don’t go for them. We talked about that with Brittany Lohan, didn’t we? But there’s a difference between being female and being a woman. When I was a little girl I had a dog. She was female… do you get where I’m going with this?”

She laughs and rolls her eyes again. “Look, I’m not sure exactly what Crissy Gardner is, but I’m pretty confident just after seeing her photos on Twitter that that ain’t no woman,” she says with a worried look on her face. “Are you guys into conspiracy theories? You’ve heard the one about the lizard creatures, right? There’s this theory that the world is controlled by humanoid lizards that wear human outfits, that look and act just like humans, but are in fact crazy lizard creatures. I didn’t believe it. Nate is crazy in to that stuff but I never once believed it… until I first laid eyes on Crissy Gardner. I mean shit; no human being actually has skin like that! She looks like something Paul Hogan should be in a movie about! I swear I’ve got leather handbags that don’t feel as leathery as she does! And don’t ask me to explain that shit because I can’t! Kat’s got some theories. Nate’s got some theories. Kat’s theories include the fact that she’s been out in the sun too long. Pretty basic, I’ll grant you, but it has some merit to it. Nate’s theories include the idea that she’s actually escaped from an episode of Doctor Who! Normally I’d laugh and dismiss that one outright but this time… I don’t know, she’s got me considering it at least a possibility! And the theory that she’s not actually human would explain a lot.”

She nods her head, like she’s seriously considering this. “I mean, it would explain why anyone in their right mind would want to be in a team called ‘Bad Behaviour’. Did they think that was really clever, or was that just the one thing they had in common because it was written on all their school reports? And I suppose ‘Bad Behaviour’ does sound better than some of the things likely written on their school reports. But we all know teachers can’t write what they’re REALLY thinking or Crissy’s would have read ‘is ugly as sin and thick as shit’. Instead it probably just said ‘needs to apply herself more’,” she says before laughing. “One thing she should have considered applying herself more in is the nickname department. Honestly, ‘the Serial Thrilla’? Is that meant to be clever? Is that meant to be intimidating? Are we meant to be worried about facing her because of this? Have you SEEN her entrance? I just thank god this isn’t a singles match because I swear to god if she came out to that entrance at Invictus I would probably laugh myself into a coma and Kat would be fighting this thing on her own. Honestly, who provided her the crack that she was smoking when she came up with that idea and thought it would do anything but cause opponents to keel over in pain from their sides splitting? ‘I think she just thrilled everybody’. God, really?”

“Honestly you guys, I’m second generation, I’ve been around a long time – she’s apparently second generation as well, which makes this shit all the more diabolically stupid – and I’ve seen some really, really dumb stuff in my time, but I also know the value of scouting opponents, and I did my research on her, I really did, but every time I watched new match and I saw that entrance I just… I mean fucking really? She thinks that’s good? She thinks that’s a good way to make her way to the ring, with the stupidest, most overacted and most ridiculous sounding 911 call in history playing to say what a ‘serial thrilla’ she is? Words cannot describe how dense this woman is,” she says, shaking her head in disgust. “But yet if you listen to her she’s going to be the next IWC Tag Team Champion. She actually thinks she’s going to take this title away from me. She actually thinks ‘Bad Behaviour’ have a chance against Wicked Intent. To all you guys and girls out there right now with money looking to place a bet on this match let me do you all a favour, ok? SPOILER ALERT! Stop listening now if you don’t want to know the result: Wicked Intent drops this bitch on her head with the NC-17 and pin her shoulders to the mat one-two-three. It’s going to happen. Seriously, put your money on it now…”

She sighs again. “I know she’s been doing this longer than me – which, if you think about it, actually makes it all the more sad – and I know that she’s got the experience. Six years in the business competing week in and week out makes her a threat without doubt. I’m not stupid. I’m not overlooking that. But six years in this business and honestly, what has she accomplished? But yet six WEEKS as a tag team and look at us. Wicked Intent has taken this company by storm. We’ve Superkicked ourselves in to the spotlight and we’re not giving that up for anyone! We’re not giving that up for a leathery skinned lizard or for her supermodel wannabe tag team partner. And correct me if I’m wrong here folks but Crissy Gardner is the ‘smart’ one of the two in this team, right? That says you’re in trouble right there when Crissy Gardner is apparently the smart one,” she says before laughing. “Well while Crissy focuses on how many ‘hall of famers’ she wants to fight it seems at the very least that Ember is focused on the job at hand, maybe. I don’t know what she’s thinking if I’m being honest, but I’ll tell you what I’m thinking about her. Ok, so I was doing some research and I found a worrying act out about young Ember Young. Did you know she was nicknamed ‘The Seductive Spitfire’ by her father?”

Lexy recoils from the camera in terror before shaking her head slowly. “Hey, dad, I know you’re watching, but can I ask you a question? Can I ask a question to ALL the father’s out there? Is it appropriate for your father to look at you and go ‘you sure are seductive, and a spitfire, ooh, there’s your nickname right there’? If she was from Hicktown I’d understand it – I mean I wouldn’t AGREE with it but I’d at least UNDERSTAND it – but she’s not, she’s from New York. People around the world look at New York as the capital of culture! People admire it as the City That Never Sleeps. Now I’m going to have serious trouble sleeping the next time I’m in New York wondering just how many father’s there are out there who think their daughters are ‘seductive’. Seriously, that’s just wrong,” she says, shaking her head and shuddering again. “Then again what about this team is actually right? I can’t think of anything, and I’ve been trying really hard! And I hate that as well. I hate that I look at the two of them and I can’t take either one of them seriously. I hate that because I want to take them seriously. I want to see them as a threat. I want to understand why they’re getting this title shot. I want to understand what ANYONE in the world sees in these two girls. But I can’t. I can’t see it. I just don’t get it. And that worries me, because at Invictus they are challenging for this…”

She slides the IWC Tag title off her shoulder and holds it up to the camera. “Do you see this? This isn’t just a tag team belt. This isn’t something to distract yourself with while you’re not competing in singles. No, no, no, this is EVERYTHING I’VE WORKED FOR,” she says with a fire in her eyes now. “Now you ladies have been around the block, you know what it’s like ‘out there’, right? There are some people in this company who’ve never had to pay their dues. There are some people in this company who’ve been handed EVERYTHING they have because they have the right name, because they have the right connections or, quite frankly, because they got LUCKY. There are some people in this company who don’t appreciate just BEING HERE, but I do. I’ve worked my ass off to get here. I’ve busted my ass working in a fucking diner to pay my bills while travelling across the country for enough ticket to pay for the ride back home again just for an opportunity in this business. I wasn’t born with a silver spoon in my mouth and I damn sure didn’t have an easy ride. Yet I’m here. I’ve fought my way up. I’ve gone through every challenge that was put in front of me. And sure, I made enemies. Sure, there are a lot of people who don’t like me out there. But I don’t care because I’m HERE! I’m WHERE I WANT TO BE and I’m NOT giving this up!”

She continues the hold the title up and stares at it long and hard before looking back in to the camera again. “Crissy and Ember think they can come and they can take this from me. They think their little clichéd tag team, billed from ‘Angola State Penitentiary’ is so bad-ass! Well, when they fought us a few weeks ago they were tough, I’ll give them that, but even coming at us when we were unprepared they couldn’t put us down. They couldn’t STOP us from taking these titles. And they WON’T stop us now. There will be no ‘serial thrilling’ at Invictus. The ‘Seductive Spitfire’ won’t be so seductive when she’s introduced to the bottom of our boots courtesy of the Superkick Soiree. And ladies, at Invictus there won’t be a happy ending for the two of you. You’re going to line up and the only thing you’ll be remembered for is being the first team to fall as Wicked Intent establish our legacies,” she says with determination and a smile spreading across her face. “You’ve both got the experience, right? I get that. But if you’re still sore about us tossing your stuff out of your locker room you’re going to be really upset when at Invictus we toss you right out of the tag team title hunt. And ladies, if you want to see these titles again after Invictus then you know what to do, don’t you? Hit the subscribe button! That’s right, because the only way you’ll be seeing this belt again after Invictus is over is if you tune in next time for the next exciting episode of the Chapel Show.”

She smirks at the camera and nods her head slowly, “You heard it here first ladies and gentlemen,” she says before raising the title up proudly. “So get ready to say it. ‘Your winners and still IWC Tag Team Champions, Wicked Intent’! Until next time, fuckers!”

She continues holding the title up proudly as the scene fades out and the video comes to an ending with the replay button flashing up on the screen.