Episode: S02E10
Date: 19/07/2015

The video begins and we find that we’re in the familiar setting of the home of Nate Chapel, Lexy Chapel and Kat Kelly in Thousand Oaks, but as the camera moves slightly shakily we’re immediately left with the impression that this isn’t the beginning of a normal video. The camera slowly lifts and moves around the bedroom, a room we recognise as belonging to Kat Kelly, before we hear the young Brit let out a sigh. “Ok, they’ve been whining at me about giving this a try for a while now so I guess now is as good a time as any, am I right?” she asks the camera, panning the camera around the room for a moment and we briefly see her reflection in the mirror as she pans past it. She’s dressed very casually in a black top and blue jeans with no shoes. She takes a deep breath before beginning to head out the bedroom and we see the hallway and the stairs as she heads down the stairs before she begins talking again. “Sorry if this is a little shaky, I’m not used to holding the camera steady yet. It can’t be that hard though, right? It’ll just take some practice I guess.”

“Holy crap, no freaking way, she’s doing it,” we hear Nate exclaim excitedly before we actually see him. As we reach the bottom of the stairs the camera pans to a half-dressed Nate, who’s wearing pants – something that’s unusual for him if Kat and Lexy’s conversations are to be believed – but is without any kind of shirt as he points in an over exaggerated way at Kat with the camera. “Lex, you’re seriously not going to believe this, she’s ACTUALLY doing it!”

 “You mean she’s wearing something that doesn’t make her look like a very small guy?” Lexy asks from the other room. “You’re right, I don’t believe you.”

“No, not that, although in that outfit she does look a little like a Chinese guy,” Nate comments before obviously seeing the reaction on Kat’s face. “But, you know, a freaking hot Chinese guy!”

Lexy laughs. “Oh, ok, so she’s finally calling one of the numbers that someone left for her to arrange a blind date?” the redhead guesses next. “Pssh, that’s not Kat, she’s afraid of the intimate touch of a man, we all know she likes the cold, rubbery touch of her dildo more.”

Nate looks into the room that Lexy’s voice is coming from and shakes his head while clearly looking at his wife. “Nope, not that either,” he says, almost a little disappointed this time. “But, you know, I still think she needs warming up to the idea of the touch of a man, and what better way could there be to warm her up to that than the touch of a certain cute redhead we both—”

“No,” Kat and Lexy say in perfect unison.

Nate clicks his fingers in annoyance. “Dammit, worth a shot,” he mutters before shaking his head. “Ok, it’s clear you’re never going to guess this. She’s actually filming! Our little Kat is actually filming something! This is such a huge day. This must be how a father feels the first time his little girl… picks up a video camera to film her family life for the entire world to see on YouTube.”

“She’s doing what?!” Lexy exclaims in disbelief. “No freaking way. Did you actually glue her hand to the camera while she was sleeping? Because babes, you know I was only joking about that, right?”

“No, I swear I didn’t,” Nate says defensively as he walks into the room with his wife. “Mostly because I couldn’t find the glue, but I swear I didn’t do it!”

“Oh ha-ha, you’re both hilarious,” Kat says as she slowly walks down the corridor, obviously still nervous walking with the camera. “Eh, what can I say, you’ve both been bugging me about doing this for so long and being a part of the Chapel Show that I figured fuck it, why don’t I at least give it a try. But if I AM going to do this then I’m not going to film the same kind of stuff you do. I mean, if I’m going to have my own part in the Chapel Show then I want it to be different, you know? I want it to stand out from the rest.”

She walks around the corner into the living room where Lexy is lying with her feet up on the couch. Nate sits down next to her and she sits up briefly before happily lying back down again with her head on her husband’s lap. “Ok, that sounds fair,” Lexy says happily before looking up at Nate and pointing at Kat. “Wow, she’s really doing it. I’m so proud. She’s come such a long way. Ok, so… whatever your segment is going to be, let’s not make it too sexy. I really don’t need to get poked in the ear by Nate again.”

Kat pauses while Nate laughs. “Wait, again?” she asks with obvious confusion. “That’s happened before?”

“It happens all the time. I seriously do think we need a new TV watching cuddle position because if I keep lying in this one too often I am eventually going to go deaf in one ear,” she says as Nate nods proudly. “Seriously, there’s too much on TV that turns him on.”

“Hey, I can’t help it if Mr Winky just gets happy around you babe,” he says, smiling at Lexy as she smiles back at him. “But ok, you want your own Chapel Show segment? It’s not going to be something boring is it, like some political piece or something covering the news, because I really don’t think the Chapel Show needs to delve into that…”

“Actually no, I was thinking that it’d be more something that the audience could relate to,” Kat tells them both, having obviously given it some thought before she turned the camera on. “I was thinking that it’d be more like a Q and A session. I ask you the tough questions and you give me answers based on your experience with the wrestling business, after all you’ve been around this business way longer than I have.”

Lexy looks somewhat excited by the idea. “Ooh, you ask the tough questions and I give you answers based on experience? Ok, that sounds fun, let’s get started,” she says, sitting up on the couch. “So, what’s your first question?”

“You’re going to take this seriously, right?” Kat asks, a little hesitation evident in her tone. “Because seriously Lex, if you can’t take this seriously I will put the camera down right now.”

“When am I not serious?” the redhead asks, actually looking sincere. “C’mon, I have so much knowledge to impart to the younger Chapel Show fans, the Chapel Nation if you will, or the Chapelites, or whatever it is we should call them. Ask your first question.”

Kat takes a deep breath. “Oh I just know I’m going to regret this,” she groans before she begins. “Ok, so, first question. You obviously started training very young, am I right? What kind of things do you do every day to get yourself into ring shape?”

“That’s a really good question. I like that we’re starting here,” Lexy says, nodding her head. “Ok, well, obviously staying in ring shape is tough. I mean you see people stuffing their face with fast food and all that junk but when you’re a wrestler – when you’re a female wrestler especially – you can’t be doing that. I mean, we’re judged so much on our looks, possibly even more than our in-ring ability. How else do you explain half the twats around these days, am I right? So every day I have a really hard workout routine, and obviously I have to eat right, but there’s something more I do, something that I recommend to everyone. In the ring it’s all about getting knocked around, you know? And nothing prepares you better for that than a good, rough fucking with your head bouncing off the headboard. I swear, that’s the kind of workout you need!”

Kat lets out a long sigh as Nate begins to laugh. “Oh you bitch, for a moment I actually thought you were taking this seriously,” she says and we can hear her tapping on the camera, obviously a little peeved. Lexy, meanwhile, just grins innocently. “Ok, we’re not using that. Let’s try another question, and try and be serious. What advice would you give any young women who want to do what you do?”

“Ooh, that tough,” Lexy says, seemingly thinking about it for a moment. “Ok, first piece of advice. If you want to do what I do then you’ve got to really work on your leg muscles, because seriously when you’re squatting down to do a squatting cowgirl position if you don’t have strong muscles in your legs then—”

“Oh for gods sake,” Kat exclaims angrily before she begins to storm off. “I should have known you’d never take it seriously.”

“Where you going? Come back! I have so much more advice to give,” Lexy calls out, trying hard not to laugh as Nate continues his laughter unabated. As we see Kat leaving the room with the camera we hear Lexy one last time. “Geez, do you think she’s mad at me?”

The Chapel Show

The scene changes to the inside of the Chapel bedroom where we see Lexy Chapel sitting on her bed in just a pair of pink panties and a t-shirt that reads ‘No Pants Are The Best Pants’. She looks rather relaxed and has a smile on her face before she takes in a deep breath. “What’s up fuckers? I’m Lexy Chapel, this is the Chapel Show, and I want to show you something that may not be suitable for younger viewers…” she tells the camera before reaching to her side and picking up a photograph that she holds up the camera. The photograph is a close-up of a large bruise and cut that has stitches in it and looks worse than painful. She continues holding up the picture for a moment before letting the first one go and it falls to the ground revealing another one underneath. It’s of the same injury, perhaps a day or so later, and again the bruising looks intense. It’s also evident from the second, slightly wider shot, that it’s a woman’s back Lexy Chapelat that photo is of. She lets go of the front picture again and again it drops down below the camera shot and we see a third one, which even has some red hair in it this time, revealing who the badly bruised and cut back belongs to. “Now you may wonder what I’ve got to smile about right now, after all I haven’t been having the best of times just lately, but this is what I’m smiling about. This is what happened to me two weeks ago on Riot.”

She turns the photo so that she can see it before nodding her head at the camera and then looking back to it again. “Now on the surface you’re probably asking yourself what there is to smile about. I mean this is brutal, am I right? Can you even imagine how much that shit hurt? Seriously, I had to have stitches in my goddamn back after that! And why, you ask? Was it because I stepped up against a hero of a man who proved what a good, proud and strong man he was by battling me in a honourable fashion? Was it because I stepped into the ring with a guy who is almost a foot taller than me, literally twice my weight, and he did what all big, rough and tough men like him love to do and beat down a woman? I mean c’mon guys, we know, ok? We know that you get your kicks from doing that. We know that it makes you feel tough to hurt us. You can’t compare to us in any other way so you show what big men you are by hurting us, am I right? But is that why I got left like that after Riot?” she asks before shaking her head slowly. “No, the bruises and the cuts I had after Riot weren’t just a result of a big man pounding on me and getting off on it because I’m used to that. What you’re seeing right there is what happens when a big man, who’s twice my size literally, has to drop me on a title belt to win. That’s right folks, your Evolution Champion had to cheat to beat someone half his size. Aren’t we proud of him right now?”

“Now you guys are getting to know me pretty well by now with the Chapel Show going out and our discussions about everything I’ve got to say about the state of wrestling today, and I’ll admit that I’m not exactly a fan of facing men twice my twice. I’m really not. Do you want to know the first reason for that? Well, it’s because THAT SHIT HURTS! Seriously, you little perverts right now with your hands down your pants wondering what I’m complaining about, what if I were to send a seven foot, four hundred pound line-backer to your house to beat the shit out of you relentlessly until you couldn’t get back up again, how do you imagine that would feel? I’m willing to bet you WOULDN’T enjoy it! And I didn’t. There is never anything enjoyable about that bullshit. And anyone who then calls me a cheat, says I had it coming or any of that other misogynistic bullshit that you’re going to spew at me right now you can just stop right there, ok? You can just stop right there, because I kind of feel when I’m facing a guy THAT big I’ve got a right to bend the rules a little… but he dropped me on a title belt and then celebrated like he’d accomplished something two weeks ago, he sent a little girl to the hospital after the show to get checked on and celebrated like he was a fucking hero for doing it and to that I just say… really?” she asks before shaking her head slowly. “Do you feel big and tough right now Andre? Twice my size and you still had to cheat to beat me. Damn, I bet your mother’s proud!”

She begins laughing again before shaking her head and turns her back to the camera, lifting up her shirt to show what’s left of the bruising, which isn’t anywhere near as significant as it was. “Now, thanks to a lot of ice baths and treatments and massages I’m glad to say that I’m on the mend from what happened to me two weeks ago, which is good considering this week on Riot it seems that Kat and I are defending the IWC Tag Championships again. That’s right folks, the big and exciting news is that for the third time in five matches Kat and I will be getting in the ring to defend the IWC Tag titles. For the fourth time in six matches we’ll be in a tag team championship match. Because, you know, there are just so many deserving tag teams in IWC right now, am I right? Oh yeah, the tag team division around here is unstoppable. I mean god, our last challenges had to go through all those challenges of… you know… fighting singles matches and then being randomly paired together to fight us… in order to challenge for the tag titles. Whew, how did they ever survive that ordeal of proving themselves a worthy team?” she asks sarcastically before rolling her eyes. “And our next challengers are another rough and proven tag team. Yeah, they’re the team of – wait, you mean we’re facing two more random ass bitches who met in the hallway one time and IWC management thought that that made them a tag team?”

She laughs and shakes her head slowly. “Ok, ok, I know that isn’t quite how this match came about. I know they didn’t meet in the hallway. Actually they met in the middle of the ring when, after so long of hating each other, they randomly decided to be BFFs and that they’re so much better and stronger together and blah, blah, blah, and in their first match as a team they managed to pull one over on Wicked Intent and hand us a loss, so now they’re clearly worthy of a tag team title shot, am I right? I mean god, it’s not like they’ve got anything else going on…” she says before pausing and then leaning toward the camera as though she’s listening to someone telling her something from behind it. “Wait, you’re telling me they’re both contenders for the World title? You’re telling me that one of them even has a title shot coming up? Oh, right, but they’re still completely committed to the art of tag team wrestling, right? I mean they’ve got that awesome team name and… oh, they’re not? They don’t have a name? They actually don’t even like each other that much? Oh, so they’re getting the title shot because one of them used to suck the dick of the guy who ran the place? Oh, wait, sorry… that’s a little too close to reality, isn’t it? I mean geez, I know, there was clearly no way that there could be any favouritism there. And this match is about tag teams battling over the richest prize in the division, it’s not just about two egotistical whores who want to feel special, right? Oh, it IS about that! Hmm, I admit I might have suspected as much…”

She sits back and looks back into the camera again. “Sorry, just having a conversation with my imaginary director who was filling me in on a few details. Turns out that this isn’t about tag team wrestling at all, and that the tag team titles are on the line – again – against two girls who both desperately long for recognition not as a great tag team but as singles wrestlers. But that’s cool, you know, because that’s what the tag team division is all about, right? It’s about… random people teaming up and getting shots at the tag titles because… they… didn’t have anything else going on that week? Oh, wait, one of them does have something going on? One of them even has a whole decision to make regarding an entirely different match? But she’s getting a title shot anyway because… yeah, I don’t know either. Thanks imaginary director, you’ve been just a fountain of information about this week,” she says, giving a thumbs up to nobody before turning back to the camera again with a glare. She lets out a long sigh before shaking her head. “Yeah, you can probably tell right now that I’m not impressed. I’m not. I got screwed over last week by a supposed hero of the people who couldn’t beat me without cheating, and now I’m set to fight two more supposed heroes who have absolutely no interest in the belts they’re fighting for other than… wanting something pretty.”

She shakes her head slowly before letting out a sigh. “Well, the good news for all of you is that while lesser teams may shake in their boots about having to fight these two egotists, Wicked Intent is not. Wicked Intent are not afraid. Wicked Intent are not backing down. And Wicked Intent are not rolling over either. Now this is the part that I’d like to tell you that we’ve done nothing but prepare. That we’ve done nothing but train! That we’ve done but nothing focus on this random-as-fuck title defence for the last two weeks straight but… I’d be lying. Yeah, I would be. I’d be telling a big fat lie. And let’s be honest guys, you don’t even want to see that, do you? You don’t want to see videos of Kat and me in the gym. You don’t want to see videos of Kat and me training. You don’t want to see videos of Kat and me getting ready for this title defence because, honestly, that would be pretty boring. Do you want to know what I think you want? I think you want the same thing I want. I think you want answers, not to the question ‘are we really defending the titles against these two? You mean this isn’t some kind of joke?’ but to the more important questions. You know the ones I mean, the ones that have stumped people for generations. Questions like, oh, I don’t know… this, for example:”

We see cut to a shot of Arnold Schwarzenegger sitting in front of a group of children. “You tell me,” he says, moving his hand to emphasis his point, “who is your daddy and what does he do?”

“Yep, that was the great Govenator himself asking the tough questions,” she says, nodding her head as though she really believes that that was a tough question. “So, shall we ask the class?”

We cut to more clips from Kindergarten Cop as some of the kids from the movie start answering the question. The first answer is from a little girl with pigtails. “My dad repairs wrecked cars driven by women who are pinheads.”

We cut back to Lexy. “Oh, poor little girl, how lucky for you that you’re an adult now and you don’t realise that whoever wrote that line for you is another misogynistic asshole,” she says sadly. “Who’s next?”

We cut to a boy looking nervous. “My dad doesn’t do anything since the crash…”

Lexy shakes her head. “Ah, so he’s a fat, lazy slob with no job,” she says before letting out a sigh. “Sounds like he’s a Taylor Chase fan. Who’s next?”

 We cut to another boy. “My dad doesn’t live with us anymore, he lives in New York and drives a taxi,” the boy says with a nod. “My mom hopes he’s doing to die real soon.”

Lexy shakes her head again, looking as though she’s looking at the boy with pity. “Oh, poor little guy. Your dad sounds like he has a lot in common with Scott Cannon. I hear every girl he’s slept with hopes he’s going to die real soon as well…” she says with complete sincerity. “Ok, who’s next?”

We cut to two twin girls standing side by side, both with ponytails on the sides of their heads. “Our mom says that our dad is a real sex machine,” they say in unison.

“Well, if your dad was in the room at the time then I’m willing to bet your mother said it sarcastically,” Lexy says in response. “If he wasn’t in the room at the time then it’s possible that child services should look into your mother. Next!”

A little boy with a bowl haircut begins to speak. “My dad is a carnagologist and he looks at vaginas all day long.”

“That’s Nate’s dream job. Next!” Lexy says before nodding. The camera cuts away and then back to her again. “Oh, wait, my turn? Ok, well… I have no fucking clue who my father is. I know who the guy who lied to me for years about being my father is. I know him real well. But as for my real father, well I don’t even know where to start. He’s out there somewhere, of that I’m reasonably certain. Does he know that he’s my father? Let’s do a little Internet survey, shall we? Can everyone who had a ride on my mum about twenty-two and a half years ago leave a comment below? It’d be real helpful! Maybe then I can start to narrow the list down. But failing that I figured that I’d need to start eliminating possibilities. There are quite a few possibilities as we all know that most women who work in this business are notorious whores, apparently my mother included. So, who is my daddy and what does he do? Do you want to know who I really, really hoped it wouldn’t be?”

The Chapel Show

We cut from that question to what seems to be the waiting room of a clinic or doctors surgery of some kind. Nervously pacing about while holding the camera is none other than Lexy. “Ok, so, I found a benefit to being sent to the hospital last week after Riot, and that’s that they asked me if I had any medical conditions or if my family had any history of certain illnesses and I got to say ‘you know what, I have no fucking idea’. They weren’t too impressed. They did however take a swab from the inside of my cheek, and another from my lovely husband, and today we’re here to get the results,” she tells the camera before letting out a long sigh. “Yes, that’s right, the first step in my life right now after discovering that my father isn’t my father is to find out just who the fuck is, and then came the horrible realisation that it was probably another wrestler, someone she worked with or against a lot, and one name shot to the top of that list… Victor Chapel.”

“Hon, why don’t you sit down and stop worrying?” Kat asks from somewhere in the background. “I mean, you don’t know anything right now. And do you know what the possibility of it actually being true is?”

“What she’s trying to calm me down from and stop me thinking about is the fact that my mother was in fact such a whore that she fucked my fake-father’s most bitter of rivals, you know, as you do,” the redhead says in an incredibly judgmental and angry tone. “And if she did, and if he in fact my father, then do you know what that means? Tell the people babes. Tell the people what that means…”

She turns the camera on Nate who’s anything but his normal self, sitting down and looking seriously concerned with his head in his Nate Chapelhands at first. He looks up briefly before shaking his head. “That means you’re my sister,” he says before letting out a long sigh.

“That means I’m his sister,” Lexy repeats angrily, obviously dealing with that possibility in a very different way to her husband. “That’s right Chapelites, you could be watching right now as the revelation comes to pass that I married, and have regularly fucked, my brother! Thanks mum,” she says angrily while looking upward and then stopping and shaking her head before looking down. “Wait, I mean, thanks mum!”

“Don’t do that,” Kat tells her sympathetically. Lexy looks over her shoulder toward her tag partner with an irritated look on her face. “Look, I’m sorry, I can’t even imagine what you’re going through right now, but don’t say that about your mum, ok? You know you loved her, no matter what mistakes she made…”

“The only thing I know right now is that my entire life has been a lie, and that I could have married my brother,” Lexy replies, a lot of anger still evident from her tone. “Do you want to know the worst part? I mean god, with most people they wouldn’t even consider something that horrible, right? They would not even CONSIDER it! Because most people have families who don’t LIE TO THEM EVERY DAY OF THEIR LIVES! And because most people have mother’s who are loyal, and father’s they can rely on, but not me. Oh no, not me, that would be too fucking simple, wouldn’t it? I wouldn’t put it past her either. God, you should have seen some of the guys that she was with when I was a kid. And I knew it was fucked up then, you know? My mum parading around these fucking assholes, my dad parading around bikini models, them both trying to make each other jealous until they eventually got back together only to repeat the whole process a few years later… I knew it was all fucked up when I was a kid, but looking back on it and actually considering the fact that they were probably doing that EXACT SAME BULLSHIT when I was conceived… and that my entire life has been the result of a game of ‘who can make the other one the most jealous’ played between my parents…”

“Don’t do that to yourself,” Kat tells her again, walking over and presumably putting her arms around a growingly terrified looking Lexy who continues to hold the camera. “I know what it’s like, you know? More than anyone else I know what it’s like to have your whole life turned upside-down. And I don’t blame you for being angry…”

“Good, I’m glad I’m not to blame,” Lexy says snappishly.

Kat looks at her sympathetically. “You’re not, and I know what’s going on in your mind because I had all the same thoughts. I’ve been there too!”

“Oh, so you’ve faced the very real possibility that you fell in love with, got engaged to and ran away with, and then married your—” Lexy begins before Kat cuts her off.

“No, no that’s all you,” she says, trying to lighten the mood a little. It clearly doesn’t work based on the look on Lexy’s face. “Oh c’mon, you know in a few hours you two are going to be laughing about this. I mean, you’re not related. I know what you’re both worried about, and you are freakishly similar in a lot of ways, but that doesn’t mean you’re brother and sister…”

“Thank god we didn’t have any kids,” Nate mutters. Lexy turns the camera slightly to catch him in the shot and he’s still got his head in his hands. “Do you think that they’d have webbed feet?”

“Maybe they’d be future kings of the seven kingdoms,” Kat suggests, again trying to lighten the mood. Nate actually looks up, a little amused by the thought, while Lexy just looks a little ill at the thought of it. “Oh c’mon, that was worth a smile at least…”

“Smile? I genuinely think I may actually throw up right now,” the redhead mutters.

“Come and sit down, you look like you’re about to pass out,” Kat tells her friend, leading her back toward the chairs where she takes a seat, holding the camera at an awkward angle where we can see that Kat takes her hand supportively. “Ok, so I know you guys didn’t really want to talk about this before, and I don’t blame you for that, but… is it really possible that your dad could be her dad? Didn’t your families hate each other?”

“Oh yeah, properly fucking despised each other,” Nate says before letting out a sigh. “From the moment that I was born, hating Lexy’s entire family was bred into me. I’m pretty sure my father wanted nothing more than for to me grow up, follow in his footsteps, become a wrestler and spend my whole career not trying to win championships but just trying to end the careers of Lexy and her brothers. I mean sure, if I came home one day and said ‘hey dad, guess what, I’m a World champion’ he’d have been proud, I don’t doubt that, but if I came home and said ‘hey dad, guess what, I broke Harry Adams’ neck today’ he’d have thrown a parade in my honour.”

Lexy has repositioned the camera as Nate is talking and we can now see Kat’s reaction to that as she looks disgusted. “Ok, and does that sound like someone your mum would sleep with? I mean wow, I know there’s a lot of hate there but…” the raven-haired tomboy asks sympathetically. “There’s no way that the doctor is going to come through that door and tell you that. I swear it’s not going to happen.”

“Heh, if it does we’ll be famous,” Nate says with a little amusement. “I mean people are interested in most the bullshit in wrestlers lives, right? I think they’d want to know every detail if it turned out that we’re brother and sister. We’d be famous.”

“Oh sure, because that’s the important thing right now,” Lexy says emotionally. “The bright side of finding out is yay, people will want to know how the hell I ended up sleeping with my brother. I’ll get to give interviews. Yay! Never mind the fact that I’d lose you.”

“You wouldn’t lose me,” Nate tells her lovingly. “Ok, so we would need to have one of those ‘serious talks’ you used to say we needed to have a lot, and you know how much I hate them? I think in this case I’d make an exception though and just get through it. And ok, so I don’t think our marriage would be legally binding anymore, so that would be weird, and I’m not sure whether or not we’d have a future together knowing what we’d then know, but one thing I can promise you Lex is that there’s no way you’d lose me!”

Lexy sobs. “I’m pretty sure I would.”

“Nah, I’d totally be Jaime Lannister and you could be Cersei… you know, except I’d have two hands and just be even sexier looking, and… well, you’d look amazing walking through the streets naked. You know you would,” he says, actually getting a little bit of a laugh out of her in between sobs. “You wouldn’t need any pussy stunt-doubles and CGI shit either. You’d totally rock that shit!”

Lexy laughs again before tilting the camera to reveal that Nate is knelt down in front of her holding her hand and she’s got tears in her eyes but a weird smile on her face. “You do realise you’re seriously trying to make incest sound like a positive thing right now, don’t you?” she asks before laughing again. “Do you realise how weird that is?”

“Hey, you always say you don’t want to be like every other girl on the roster, so what’s more different than banging your brother’s brains out?” he suggests, again getting a little bit of laugh out of Lexy. “Besides, his is America. Any other country in the world and sure, we’d be shunned and hated and we’d have to live in a cave somewhere that the law didn’t know about so our forbidden love could flourish, but here in America incest is just another part of what makes this country the fucked up backward-ass piece of shit country it is!”

“God Bless America,” Kat exclaims, causing Lexy to properly laugh now.

She takes a deep breath in before letting out another few sobs. “Oh god, you two are idiots,” she says softly but appreciatively before looking around. “What time is it? Is there a clock in here? He said he’d be ten minutes and that was like half an hour ago, right? How long can it take to get the results?”

“I don’t know, maybe he’s not as pro at opening envelopes as some people,” Nate suggests. “I mean sure, you watch Maury and he makes that shit look easy, but imagine the experience that he has with it. You know I still think we should have asked him to guest star on the Chapel Show to give us the result…”

“I know babes, and that’s why I never listen to any of your ideas,” Lexy tells him lovingly. There’s the sound of a door opening in the background and all three of our stars react to it, with Lexy turning the camera to the young looking technician who walks in with the envelope in hand. “Is that the result? What’s it say?”

“You can see for yourself,” the tech tells them before handing over the envelope to the first person who gets there, who happens to be Kat.

She holds the envelope away from Nate’s attempts to snatch it from her before pushing him away. “Back off, back off, I’ll handle this part,” she says before Nate steps away a little. Kat nervously looks inside the envelope, reading what’s obviously on the paper she’s trying to keep from Lexy and Nate’s view before putting it back into the envelope again. “Ok, let’s do this right…”

“Just tell me,” Lexy says desperately.

“Geez, at least let me do this properly,” she says before clearing her throat and doing her best Maury impression. “When it comes to twenty-one year old Lexy, Nate, you are… NOT the brother!”

“Oh thank god,” Lexy mutters softly.

“YES!” Nate cries happily before beginning to dance like an idiot. Kat starts laughing as Nate jumps up on the chairs and begins dancing again before jumping down and grabbing Lexy, causing her to drop the camera and scream as he scoops her up. We hear her continuing to scream and then start laughing before Kat picks up the camera and turns it over toward them both. Nate has Lexy pinned to the floor and they’re both kissing passionately and excitedly. Nate whispers to her, which is barely picked up by the camera. “Oh wow, I don’t think I could be happier right now.”

“I know, I am so happy right now,” Lexy tells him; practically in tears of joy as the two keep kissing. Kat then moves the camera away and turns it back on herself.

“Err, guys? This is… getting a little awkward right now,” she says, shifting and clearly not comfortable with their public display of affection toward one another. “Um, seriously guys, I really feel like this should be, you know… done in private. You’re not going to start having sex right now, right? Please don’t. How do I turn this thing off?”

The Chapel Show

We cut from Kat’s awkwardness in the waiting room to somewhere else where we see not Kat, Lexy or Nate but none other than Mr Lucas Knight himself. Lucas has a pint glass in one hand and a Coke-looking drink in the other, which he hands to a female hand behind the camera, presumably our star once again. “So, you find out your father isn’t your father and your first instinct is to wonder if Victor Chapel is?” Lucas asks with mild amusement. “Heh, I’m a little surprised. You know what I’d have thought in that situation? Hell, do you know what I think every time I meet someone new who I don’t know and yet who seems to know me? I think ‘goddamn, I really hope Jacky Knight didn’t bang your mum’…”

Lexy starts laughing. “Oh yeah, I guess with you that happens quite a lot, huh?” she asks with amusement. “You know Kat’s been amazing through all of this. She went through something pretty similar and everything. I guess you have too, sort of.”

“Oh no, I don’t know how it feels to find out that your father might not be your father, I have no experience there, but I have a ton of experience finding out that I have another brother or sister,” he confesses before rolling his eyes. “You know in a way it makes me glad that my father gambled, drank and basically wasted away all the money he ever earned because at least I’m not waiting on some kind of huge inheritance. If I was I’d need to split it about nineteen different ways…”

Lexy laughs again as Lucas just looks oddly calm all things considered. “I know you’re exaggerating, but the sad part is I’m not sure you’re exaggerating by much,” she says before laughing again. “Seriously, how many women did your dad sleep with?”

“I’m pretty sure if Guinness ever rounded them all up he’d set the world record,” Lucas says with a depressed sigh. “So, do you really think that you could be another member of the Knight family? It’d make sense; my dad did always like you a little too much. I remember when we were kids he was always telling me to look out for you.”

“Yeah, I know. I’ve seen some of the old tapes. I remember one where your dad told you to look after me right before he and my d—my fake-father went off to wrestle a tag match,” Lexy says before letting out a sigh. “Heh, I almost said ‘my dad’ again then. I keep doing that.”

“Well that’s understandable,” Lucas tells her with another smile. “I mean when you first told me I wasn’t sure I believed it. It’s weird thinking of you as anything but Damien Adams’ daughter. Ok, sure, your mum is still your mum, so you’re still ‘aunt Helen’s’ daughter, but… yeah, it’s weird. And if it’s weird for me I can’t even imagine how crazy it is for you.”

“Crazy doesn’t even start to cover it,” Lexy admits before letting out a little sigh. “But ok, so I admit that there was another reason I came round here today other than, you know, to talk.”

“Well I’d hope there was, but somehow I don’t think this is about Riot and your title defence, is it?” he asks knowingly. “Trust me though, you, me, Trin and Kat are going to sit down and talk about that at some point before the weekend. This is a hell of a match for you two, and you’ve got a hell of an opportunity to make a statement here. It’s not every day you get put in the ring against people like this.”

“Yeah, and it’s bullshit, but that’s a whole other issue,” Lexy mutters bitterly.

“Well, you’re in the big leagues now kid and one thing you’re going to find pretty quickly is that half of what you’re forced to do in the big leagues is bullshit, especially when you’re young and you’re far down on the food chain,” he says supportively. “The best thing you can do is just focus on the task ahead of you, and take all the advice that we can offer you. Trust me, both of us know both of these two pretty well. I’ve got a history with Taylor as well, one that I’m not at all still bitter about…”

“Oh yeah, I know, you’re absolutely not at all upset about losing that title match, are you?” Lexy asks playfully. “You got over that and you’re not the kind of guy who holds a grudge.”

“See, you know me so well,” Lucas replies jokingly.

“Yeah, you’re like a big brother to me,” the redhead says happily before pausing for a moment. “Except that I kinda hope you’re not my big brother. No offence. I mean being related to you would be awesome. I’d love to be your sister. But, you know, there’s…”

Lucas nods understandingly. “Yeah, there’s a lot of baggage that comes with being a Knight.”

“Actually I was thinking more there’s Jacob,” Lexy confesses a little sheepishly. “No offence but… I really don’t want to be related to Jacob. It’d be amazingly awkward as well. You know he totally groped me the last time I saw him.”

Lucas laughs and nods as though he understands. “Yeah, ok, fair point. I don’t think anyone really wants to be related to Jacob,” he confesses before laughing a little more. “But you know what? You need to get your mind focused on Monday night, and that means you need to get this whole ‘daddy’ issue off your mind, so let’s see what I can do for help. That is what you came for, right?”

“Yeah. Well, you were old enough to remember stuff when I was born, right? Do you remember my mum being pregnant? Do you remember about nine months before, so like January or February 1993, if she was seeing anyone?” she asks a little nervously. “I mean I know it’s a long time ago, but if you do know anything…”

“Well, I don’t. But I know someone who might,” Lucas says before grabbing his cell phone and dialling a number. He waits a few seconds, obviously waiting for the person on the other end to answer the phone, before they finally do. “Hey dad… yeah, well I figured I’d give you a call to see if you could help me with something. Can you be honest with me for a second? Did you know that Lexy Chapel’s dad wasn’t Damien Adams? She just found out and she’s more than shaken up… yeah, that’s what I thought too. Let me put you on speaker a second, hang on.”

Lucas pulls the phone away from his ear and hits a button and we hear the voice of the legend himself, Jacky Knight, on the other end of the phone. “…really talk about that kind of stuff,” he says, finishing whatever he was saying before. “Is she there with you right now?”

“Hello Mr Knight,” Lexy says respectfully. “It’s an honour to talk to you again, sir.”

“No need to call me sir kid, your dad and me go back a long, long way. You’re practically part of the family,” Jacky tells a happy looking Lexy. Lexy puts the camera down on the table in front of both her and Lucas, pointed toward them both. “But, as I was just saying to Lucas, I don’t really remember a whole lot about what your mum did back then. She was a busy woman. So was your dad. Now, when were you born again, exactly?”

“I was born at the end of October1993, sir,” Lexy tells him nervously.

“October, huh? Well then, that means it would have been January or February 1993. Well, let’s see, from what I remember your dad and me were in Germany in January 1993. We had a few big matches over there that month, we were challenging for the European Tag Team Championships,” Jacky informs her. “Your mother obviously wasn’t there. I don’t think she ever went back to wrestling full time after Harry was born, but she did the occasional show.”

“And she didn’t do anything in Germany?” Lexy asks nervously. “My d—Damien didn’t mention anything to you? Or he didn’t say anything to you after I was born?”

Jacky goes quite for a moment as though he’s thinking about it. “No, I’m afraid not kid,” he says after a few moments. “Your dad didn’t really talk much about his relationship with your mum. He talked about you kids a lot, how proud he was of you, but he didn’t talk about his relationship with your mum. God knows I never asked either. They were either madly in love or they hated each other, and there was so little in between. But, now I think about it… October, right? There was an event in February that your mother was at…”

“Was she with anyone?” Lexy asks nervously, looking at Lucas who puts his arm around her for support.

“I know it was a long time ago dad, but do you remember anything?” he asks as well.

“There were a lot of guys there. It was this huge event. The biggest of it’s kind in Europe at that point. There were three nights of events, one on the Friday, one on the Saturday and a third on the Sunday. Guys came from all over the world. There were a lot of guys in from America for that as well. Fans came from all over the world as well,” he says, thinking back to it all. “Your mother was definitely there. I remember after the first night Damien wanted to go out and drink because I think something happened between them…”

“February 1993?” Lexy asks, pulling out her cell phone and beginning to look it up. “Oh god, I think this is the event… there’s so many names listed. God, how many matches were there?”

Jacky starts laughing. “It was the old days kid. Things were different back then. Guys came from all over the world and we had matches throughout the day for the fans. Like I said, it was the first event of it’s kind, a real convention feeling to it,” the veteran explains. “I’ll tell you this though, your mother was definitely competing then, so if something happened it’s possible it happened then.”

“So you’re telling me my father could be any of about forty different guys?” Lexy asks before letting out a sigh. “And that’s assuming it was a wrestler and not a promoter or just someone else she knew! This is impossible. How am I ever supposed to find one guy in all of this?”

Lucas holds out his hand, encouraging her to put the phone in it. She does and he begins looking down the list of names. “Dad, do you remember seeing Aunt Helen with anyone that night?” he asks, looking at the list. “Lexy’s right, there are a lot of names on this list. I don’t even know where to start. I know where a few of these guys live though. They’re retired now, but I know where we could find them.”

“She had a type,” Jacky tells them both. “She didn’t go for the bigger guys. She always liked the smaller ones. Guys like your dad.”

“He’s not my dad,” Lexy mutters.

Lucas clears his throat and lets out a sigh. “Ok, I’m just going to ask. Dad, tell me it’s not you,” he says more in hope than anything. “Tell me you never slept with Helen.”

“You want the truth?” Jacky asks after a moment of silence. “Listen kid, I’m sorry but your mum and me had a thing. We did. But it was after you were born. I’m not your father.”

“But you think it’s someone who was on this show?” Lexy asks, taking the phone back again. “Someone who was a little like my dad? That’s like half the people. And you said Damien was upset with her? So you think she was definitely sleeping with someone who was at this event? So all I’ve got to do is find someone who was at this show and who… who… who…”

“Are you ok?” Lucas asks, looking at her with concern. “It’s a big ask, I know, but you’ve got somewhere to start. Maybe you can talk to your dad and he can at least remember why he was upset.”

“I think I might…” Lexy says, almost finding it impossible to talk as she holds the phone out to Lucas. “Oh god. Night two, she was in a mixed tag match… what if he’s my dad?”

“Who?” Lucas asks, taking the phone from her before beginning to laugh. “Oh, there’s no fucking way. For a start, he was married back then. And there’s no possible way that it could be him. Dad, do you remember who she was teaming with? It’s not him, right?”

Jacky goes very quiet. “Son, let me just say that you don’t get a nickname like that if there’s not an element of truth to it.”

Lucas shakes his head. “Bullshit,” he says immediately. “There’s no way that he’s her father.”

“I’m sorry kid,” Jacky says softly. “But trust me, married or not, there’s a reason they called him the Canadian Heartbreak Kid…”

We see Lexy get up with tears in her eyes, obviously unable to figure out how she feels considering one of the greatest rivals of her mentor was once the teammate of her mother, and could possibly be her father. The scene ends there and we cut back to Lexy, on her bed.

The Chapel Show

“So, funny story,” she begins, looking a little nervously into the camera. “The good news is that I didn’t marry my brother. My mum may have had a problem keeping her legs closed but at least, as far as I know, she did keep them shut when it came to Victor Chapel. So that’s a good thing. But for every bit of good news there always seems to be a bit of bad news to follow. I thought if anyone could help me with my current issues then it’d be Lucas. I mean he’s known me my entire life. And he didn’t disappoint. He’s given me a hell of a name to look out for. But if you’re wondering… no, I haven’t spoken to him. I don’t even know how I would. I don’t even know where I’d begin. How do you go up to a legend in this business and ask ‘oh, hey, twenty two years ago you had a match where my mother was your partner, don’t suppose before or after you guys were partners in the ring you were also partners in the horizontal mambo, were you?’ Yeah, because that’s something you ask someone whom you’ve never met before in your Lexy Chapellife. That’s something you just go up to a veteran in the sport and ask, right? The good thing is that I can rest easy knowing that he won’t be watching this. The bad thing is that along with the advice that I got from Lucas from the friendship and rivalry that he had with Taylor Chase, and my own personal desire to walk out with the IWC Tag Team Championships around my waist, I’ll admit that the very idea that CHBK could be my father has me… more than a little anxious.”

“But I know that there’s nothing I can do about that. There’s no way that I can find out right now who my father is, and whether it is or it isn’t a legend in this business. That’s all out of my control. But in my control right now is my own status in this business, my own path in this business, and whether I believe in this match this week or not, whether I believe it’s justified this week or not, what I do know is that there’s a challenge ahead of me and just like last week I’m intending to rise to that challenge, but unlike last week this week I won’t be the victim of a screw job keeping me from walking out on the winning side,” she says in a positive and stern tone. “Last week I had something to prove, and despite what you may think about me you can’t deny I rose to the challenge. It took a guy twice my size cheating just to beat me. I took the fight to a guy twice my size and I showed I was anything but another pretty face in this business. I don’t intend to be just a pretty face. I intend to be a future legend. That’s something you should know about Wicked Intent. We are future legends! And right now we’re proving that the future is now in the tag team division. Sure, we haven’t always been unbeatable. Sure, we haven’t been completely unstoppable. But when it’s mattered – when it’s REALLY mattered – Kat Kelly and Lexy Chapel have risen to the occasion and shown we don’t just have a wicked intent, we have a wicked execution as well!”

“What we don’t have, however, is wicked respect. That’s been a problem since the moment that we walked through the door. You guys wonder why we do the things we do, why we show no respect to anyone else, why we’ve become known as the two girls who don’t take any shit and enjoy sending out invitation after invitation to the Superkick Soiree, well it’s because that ever since we walked through the door we’ve been looked down on, we’ve been disrespected, and we didn’t like that. Even today, even after everything we’ve done, we still get no respect. Katelyn Buehler, in a tweet shocking for the fact that she didn’t completely butcher the English language for once in her miserable life, just tonight showed us absolutely no respect when she declared that tomorrow night the tag titles were hers, as though she didn’t even consider Kat or me a problem,” she says before beginning to laugh a little. “Oh girl, we’re a BIG fucking problem! And when we’re done tomorrow night I can guarantee you that the English language won’t be the only thing that Katelyn is struggling with. She’ll be lying on the mat, looking up at the lights, and she’ll be struggling to put together a cohesive thought, and struggling to pick up her teeth from the mat when we’re done kicking them out of her mouth. And that right there, that’s disrespect. But give me one reason why I should show her anything else?”

“Should I show her respect because she won a big match? That’s funny; we didn’t get respect for winning any of the matches we’ve won. So no, I won’t be showing Katelyn respect for that. Should I show her respect because she’s been around the block and she’s competed at some of the biggest events in the history of this business? Oh yeah, she’s been a part of some of the biggest events in IWC history, she’s been a part of some of the biggest events in SCW history, she’s definitely been around but if I was going to show her respect for that then I’d have to show respect for every half-wit who’s found themselves getting their ass kicked across the world because, and let’s be honest here for just a second, that is kind of what’s happened, isn’t it?” she asks before laughing again. “She hasn’t been around the world proving she’s the best of the best. She’s been around the world proving she’s… adequate. She’s been around the world proving she’s… ok. But ok and adequate aren’t what get you respect in this business. So, why else should I respect her? Well, when you think about Katelyn Buehler let’s be honest, you can’t help but think of all the bullshit she’s been through outside of the ring, can you? I mean she was a puppet in the Sinistry – but then who wasn’t? It feels like they controlled half the company at some point – oh and then there are the public relationships.”

Lexy rolls her eyes and brushes some of her hair out of her face. “Yeah, I know, you’re going to hear this speech from me again, but is it not true almost every goddamn time I’m in the ring with a woman? Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not anti-gay. Hell, I was happy for the whole LGBT community when the ruling went out from the Supreme Court that gay marriage was legal. It was a great day for this backward ass country to step forward. I mean shit, this country is still SERIOUSLY lacking in equality, considering in more than half the states you can still be FIRED just for being gay – I’m not even kidding. Fucking fired on the spot for being a homosexual. That shit is fucked up – but it was a step in the right direction for sure. But… is that something that Katelyn need concern herself with? You can be fired for being a lesbian, but I’m not sure that works if you’re just another hasbian,” she says before letting out a long sigh. “Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe she still likes munching carpet. But damn, that carpet she so enjoyed moved on and I can’t help but get the feeling that Katelyn will too. Just another have-a-go lesbian in this business, and there’s so many that it’s actually becoming shockingly cliché. In fact, in the wrestling business, it isn’t the lesbian – or hasbian – community that’s in the minority but it’s girls like me. You know, married girls who aren’t complete whores.”

She leans forward again as though she’s listening to someone behind the camera. “What’s that, imaginary director? Yeah, I know, she used to love nothing more than going down on the current reigning IWC World Champion, and now she wants nothing more than to dethrone that same woman. I’m sure it’s a tragedy. I’m sure they made a beautiful couple. And it’s good to know that her singular focus is on that opportunity,” she says before looking at the imaginary director again. “Oh wait, thanks for the reminder, it’s not. I mean, why would it be? Why would anyone focus on revenge on a former lover, or winning the biggest prize in the company, when they can randomly challenge for another title along the way purely for the hell of it? THAT’S how greats in this business have achieved the heights they have after all, right? You know, I remember hearing the story about the great Roger Federer, arguably the best Tennis player in history, who regularly went and played rugby for shits and giggles because he… oh no wait, that wouldn’t happen because that would be retarded. No, the greats in this business don’t randomly go after any other goal. The greats in this business are the ones focused on one goal. The greats in this business are the ones who are single-minded. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is a perfect reason why I DON’T respect Katelyn Buehler, because even on a night that’s about her match with Serenity she’s dismissively predicting herself as becoming tag team champion.”

“You won’t, Katelyn,” she says completely seriously and coldly, staring into the camera. “Listen to me very carefully. You won’t. If you’re dreaming of holding two titles above your head then there’s only one conclusion for you and that will be that you’ll be holding no titles. The greats in sport, and the greats in this business, they don’t split their focus. They go for what they want. Wicked Intent went for what we wanted. Neither one of us have ever said ‘oh, by the way, now that we’ve got the tag titles let’s go for singles belts as well because, hehe, wouldn’t that be awesome?’ Last week I had an opportunity I didn’t ask for thrust upon me and I sure battled hard, but that by itself could cost me this week because we all know I’m not one hundred percent. But if I knew that I’d be defending this title again I damn sure would have made the choice about what mattered more to me. What matters more to you, Katelyn? Do I even need to ask? You want that sweet, sweet revenge. You want that title. You want that recognition. You want that moment in the spotlight. But tell me this; what if stepping into the ring with Wicked Intent is what costs you all of that? What if greed for more gold costs you not just these titles but that one as well?  Can you live with the knowledge that if you’d only focused on what mattered you could gotten that sweet revenge?”

“And let me ask you this, Katelyn. You trust your partner, right? You trust her with your life! You’ve said that. But… didn’t you trust so many others before? You know when you think about it it’s actually laughable that you’d make a statement that strong. So that means you’re either a liar or you’re one of the stupidest women in this business. Do you want to know how much I trust Taylor Chase? Do you want to know how much I think anyone should trust her?” she asks before smirking. “I think she’s entirely trustworthy as long as she’s using you to get what she wants, but the moment – the very SECOND – you stand between her and something she wants I wouldn’t trust that bitch as far as I can throw her, and you may have noticed I’m not the biggest and I don’t throw anyone very far. And guess what, Katelyn? You’ve got something she wants. You’ve got the opportunity that she wants. In a few weeks you could become the IWC World Champion, and do you really believe the woman you ‘trust with your life’ doesn’t know that? Do you think she cares that you’ve got that challenge ahead of you? Do you think she’ll take the extra responsibility? Do you think she’ll take the extra chances? Do you think she’ll put her future on the line to protect yours? I don’t. So, Katelyn Buehler, let’s get real. You say you trust your partner, you apparently think you’re walking over Wicked Intent, but when you’re lying on your back looking up at those lights with Wicked Intent standing over you and Serenity watching on with a smile on her face do you really think it’ll be worth it?”

“Now I know ‘Tay-Tay’ probably has a few thoughts about that. She’ll tell you that you can trust her. Yeah, she used to tell other people the same thing. But how many of them has she turned her back on? How many of them has she tossed aside for what mattered? Now under circumstances that ruthlessness would be something that I respected. Under normal circumstances anyone who dedicated that much to the betterment of their career would be something that I even admired. But I don’t admire Taylor Chase. I can’t stand the fucking bitch. This woman is everything that’s wrong with this business, and it starts with the pathetic hype that she needs from everyone around her. You can’t hear from Taylor Chase without hearing from AT LEAST two others singing her praises. Can you imagine if the same was true for everyone? Can you imagine that for every Kat Kelly promo you had to hear from me and from Trinity Street? Can you imagine for every episode of the Chapel Show I was insecure and desperate enough to get Lucas to sing my praises and tell you how great I am? Yeah, I love Lucas like a brother but I don’t need anyone else to do my talking and I don’t need anyone telling you how good I am, I’ll just prove how good I am in the ring,” she says with confidence. “But if you think that that’s what bothers me the most about ‘Tay-Tay’ you’re so wrong.”

“So, what bothers me the most about Taylor Chase? Is it the fact that she’s been dubbed ‘the face of IWC’, a moniker that I think most girls would achieve if they literally used to fuck the boss. Is that the reason that she’s had success? You’ll tell me it’s not. You’ll tell me she did it all and it had nothing to do with that. You’ll tell me she made the best of her opportunities. You’ll tell me that every chance she got, every rematch she received, every random opportunity and even this week, even this Tag Team Championship match, is all because she’s good. And I don’t doubt it. You have to know that I don’t like this bitch but I’ll be the first to tell you she’s good… but take away the relationship, take away the unique position that put her in, put her in the middle of the roster with everyone else and tell me that she’d still be in the same position today,” she says with complete focus on the camera. “Tell me that it’s made no difference. You can’t. You can’t without lying to yourself. Of course it’s made a difference. When you’re in that position OF COURSE it makes a difference. But still I’m supposed to respect her as though it didn’t, right? I’m supposed to respect her when she doesn’t respect anyone? That’s right, she doesn’t, she doesn’t even respect the woman who’d put her life in her hands. And that’s funny to me. One partner is telling us that she’d trust the other with their life, while that other is giving them the advice to ‘shut the fuck up’.”

She shakes her head. “Like I told you Katelyn, it’s laughable, it truly is,” she says before shaking her head. “But, since you’re asking, no, those aren’t the things that bother me most about Taylor Chase. No, what truly bothers me the most about her I couldn’t express in words. What truly bothers me the most about her I couldn’t express just by telling you, so I wanted to show you. I sat down earlier this week, in amongst all the craziness in my life, and I talked to my husband and he told me that he’d gotten a friend of his to help me out. He’d gotten a friend of his to help me express my true problem with Taylor Chase. And so, ladies and gentlemen, here it is. Here, presented for the first time, is a new segment. What better way to express yourself than through the medium of cartoon?”

We cut to a kindergarten where we see a building that says ‘KINDERGARTEN’ above the door. We fade inside where we see a bunch of kids playing and we hear Lexy Chapel narrating. “A long time ago in Beverly Hills, California, there was a spoiled little girl who liked playing with toys,” she says as we see in the cartoon a little brunette girl sitting playing with a doll. She seems to be enjoying herself, happily moving it along, until a bigger kid comes along and snatches it away from her. Little child Taylor looks at the bigger kid for a moment and we think she’s going to get angry… and then she starts balling her eyes out crying. All we hear is the sound of her crying as in the background we hear Lexy’s voice again. “Yep, that’s right, when someone takes something that Taylor wants to play with, she cries… and she cries… and then, something much worse happens.”

“It’s mine,” the cartoon brunette whines loudly. “It’s mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! I want it! I want it now! I WANT IT NOW! I WANT IT BACK! I WANT IT NOW! I DESERVE IT! I DESERVE IT MORE THAN ANYONE! IT’S MINE!”

“Yes, in kindergarten Taylor Chase was a whiny cry-baby. And throughout her history in IWC, absolutely nothing has changed,” Lexy’s voice narrates the scene as cartoon Taylor kicks her arms and her legs and continues crying as loudly as she can. “But it isn’t just that one toy that Taylor wants…”

We see the cartoon get up and start running around the kindergarten, snatching up every other toy she can find. “That’s mine,” the cartoon whines. “And that’s mine. And that’s mine. IT’S ALL MINE! MINE! MINE! MINE!”

We cut back to Lexy with a comical look on her face. “You know what I like most about that cartoon? How fucking accurate it really is,” she says before rolling her eyes. “Honestly, tell me that that isn’t the most accurate depiction of Taylor Chase you’ve ever seen. This is a woman for whom nothing is good enough. This is a woman who, when she loses, immediately wants everything back. This is a woman who, even when she’s given the date for a rematch, wants that rematch sooner. This is a woman who will cry and whine and complain until every opponent seriously begins to contemplate suicide or murder just to shut her up. This is a woman with over ten thousand tweets, ninety percent of which are just her crying endlessly about how much she deserves a rematch right now without having to wait. After every show we’re treated to the same bullshit. Every show that comes along we get a new barrage of ‘mine, mine, mine’ tweets. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is my problem with Taylor Chase. Because all the opportunities she’s been given are not enough. All the publicity she’s been afforded is not enough. The fact that she’s the ‘face of IWC’ is not enough. She has to have more. And she has to have it right this moment. My problem with Taylor Chase is that she is a whiny, disrespectful bitch, and one of the many things she’s deemed ‘hers’ is right here…”

Lexy picks up the IWC Tag Team Championship and holds it up to the camera. “But this, Taylor, is not yours. And this, Taylor, is where this ‘mine, mine, mine, hash-tag true story’ bullshit comes to an end. Because you think that you know me? No, you don’t know me. You think that anything I did before I came here was about ego? That’s so laughable that I seriously want to face-palm so hard I knock my nose through my face,” she says before rolling her eyes. She begins again, doing a terrible impression of Taylor. “I watched you in EXODUS Pro and your show was all about ego’. Do you know how fucking funny that is? Because here’s the truth: one of the things I was told about me back then is that I NEEDED an ego. One of the things I was told about myself is that I wasn’t confident enough and therefore management didn’t believe in me because I was ‘too nice’ and ‘too respectful’. In fact I was SO fucking respectful that I was happy to pay my dues, to work my way up, to earn my opportunities, but what actually happened was that they took advantage of me week after week because I was a star-struck kid living her dream until Lucas came along and opened my eyes. Lucas was the one who showed me just how much they were taking advantage of me. Lucas was the one who taught me how to succeed in this business. But you, knowing me as well as you do, think that the Chapel Show was about ego… and can’t even get the name right.”

“You don’t know a damn thing about me, ‘Tay-Tay’. You don’t know where I came from. You don’t know how hard I’ve worked. You don’t know what it was like to sleep in the back of my car because I was too broke every month to afford a hotel room in whatever city the arena was where the shows were being held. You think that was about EGO? You dumb, self-absorbed, fucking bitch, you don’t know a goddamn thing about me! But I know you, ‘Tay-Tay’. I’ve read the tweets. I’ve heard the endless complaining. You have NO respect for anyone. Truth is I don’t think you even respect yourself,” she says with spite in her tone. “You’ll say anything and you’ll do anything to get ahead, right girl? And nothing and no one in this world matters more than you. And don’t give me the whole ‘I’ve stood by Kelcey Wallace’s side’ bullshit because I’ve heard that song and it bored the fuck out of me then so I can imagine hearing that shit on repeat will bore the ever-loving piss out of me now. My problem with the ‘now-now-now’ attitude in this business is epitomised in you Taylor because while I bust my ass earning my stripes you whine and bitch and FUCK you way to success and STILL not enough for you! And now the ‘mine-mine-mine’ bullshit is coming to take this away from me? No. It’s not happening! You think you can walk over me on Riot because you’re the star and I’m ‘not there yet’? Wait until Riot you little cunt and we’ll see where I am.”

She stares at the IWC Tag Team title for a long moment before looking back into the camera. “The hasbian and the kindergartener are stepping up to challenge Wicked Intent next, and last time out they got the win they wanted, but this time out we’re correcting the mistake that history made. And I don’t just want to retain these titles. I want to send a message. Time after time we’re forced to put these belts on the line not to the best tag teams in the world but to random-ass fucking duos who decide they’re going to team up and time after time Wicked Intent steps up to the challenge. This week is no different. Serenity is going to get a show this week when Wicked Intent does to Katelyn Buehler what she’s planning to do, and Katelyn has nobody to blame but herself,” Lexy says coldly. “And Taylor Chase, who knows me so well, is going to get introduced to the real Lexy Chapel and I don’t give a fuck how many people are singing her praises going into this one, when the Superkick Soiree takes over Riot the FUTURE LEGENDS are proving themselves and that, bitches, is a TRUE STORY!”

Lexy looks at the tag title again before putting it over her shoulder. “So, Chapel Show fans, don’t despair because I may not be one hundred percent physically after I was dropped on a fucking title belt two weeks ago, and I may not be in the game one hundred percent mentally considering, you know…”

We cut back to the Arnold clip from earlier. “You tell me, who is your daddy and what does he do?”

Lexy looks disapprovingly at the camera. “Not funny imaginary director, not funny at all,” she says, shaking her head. “But if there was any match that I needed to up my game, any match that I needed to step up and prove myself more than ever before, it’s this one. So hit that sexy subscribe button Chapelites because next time out Wicked Intent are having ourselves a little Soiree… invitations at the ready! As always, I’ve been Lexy Chapel and this has been the Chapel Show. Until next time, fuckers…”

She pats the title on her shoulder again proudly as we fade out and the video ends, replaced only with the Chapel Show logo and the replay button.

The Chapel Show

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