THE CHAPEL SHOW
Episode: S03E01
Date: 09/01/2016

The video begins and we see what eagle-eyed Chapel Show viewers may recognise as the back yard of the home of Lexy Chapel’s mentor Lucas Knight. To confirm that is indeed the location we see the aforementioned mentor standing on his patio looking into the camera with a smirk.

“Hey,” he says with a sense of purpose and pride. “I’m internationally recognised wrestling superstar Lucas Knight, and you’re watching the one and only, the award winning Chapel Show. Hmm, you guys won an award?”

He looks slightly to the side, obviously looking at someone behind the camera. From behind the camera we hear the voice of Nate Chapel replying. “Goddamn it, must you question everything?” the Chapel Show co-founder asks in annoyance. “I’m sure someone has given us an award for something. Do you know how many awards there are these days? People win shit for everything…”

We cut from that introduction to the bedroom of our co-founding duo where we find Lexy Chapel sat on the bed in tight shorts and a t-shirt which reads ‘Ok, I’m Here! So What Were Your Other Two Wishes?’ On her lap is one of the IWC Tag Team Championships, which she looks down at admiringly before looking up at the camera. “What’s up fuckers? I’m Lexy Chapel and this is season three of the Chapel Show,” she says by way of an introduction before nodding her head in amazement. “I know, I couldn’t believe it at first either, but it’s true. This is the start of our third season, a feat that we wanted to accomplish when we started this show but honestly not one that we really made long-term plans for, because when the Chapel Show got started I’ll be honest with you guys, we didn’t know how long it’d last. So, as we begin season three, I think it’s important to take a little look back at just how far we’ve come, don’t you? I still remember when we were filming for the first show. Everything was smaller in terms of scale, and definitely cheaper in terms of quality. I mean god, when we started the show the point of it was to give you guys a view into the real world of wrestlers. We wanted to do something different, so rather than put on a fake fur coat and claim to be the latest collection of billionaires to walk into wrestling, we thought we’d just be honest.”

She laughs to herself and shakes her head slowly. “And seriously, I know it’s been two full seasons now but I’m STILL wondering the same thing I wondered on that very first day: why the hell do people with billions of dollars even bother with this? The pain, the hardships, the hours and hours you spend preparing every single day… if you’ve got a billion dollars in the bank why don’t you just go and do something else? There’s got to be something wrong with these people,” she says before rolling her eyes. “But that’s what the Chapel Show started out to show you. It started out to show you the real life of Nate and me. It started out to show you how it was we entertained ourselves as two poor kids right at the very, very, very, very, very bottom of the wrestling ladder. We started off not being able to afford fancy equipment. We couldn’t even afford fancy furniture. Remember our old couch? Heh, as much as it annoyed me that it had that hole in it there was something about that couch which I loved. And in a weird kind of way I liked driving to San Jose as well, I liked competing in front of a few hundred people, I liked where I came from because where I came from wasn’t anything special but it was real, just like those early episodes. But I didn’t start wrestling with the declaration that performing in front of a few hundred people was all I wanted…”

She shakes her head before smirking and looking down at the title belt on her lap. “So, here we are, starting season three and today things are pretty different. First off, we’re a long way from our old shit-hole apartment. We’re a long way from furniture with holes in it. But if 2015 proved one thing it’s that we’re NOT a long way from being one of the biggest names in IWC, if the number one contendership tournament proved anything it’s that we’re NOT a long way from competing for the biggest prizes in the company, and if the last few months showed one thing it’s that Lexy Chapel can and has beaten the best that IWC has to offer. 2015 as a whole also proved that Wicked Intent are entertaining, didn’t it?” she asks before grinning and again and nodding her head. “C’mon guys, you know your lives would just be emptier without us. Do you even care about what happens to most of the other cliché, dull bitches on the roster? Probably not! I mean why would you? We don’t care what happens to them, so we completely get why you’d feel that way as well. But we know you care about us. We know you tune in every week and the first question you ask yourselves is what will Wicked Intent do this week to cause mayhem? Who is it that will receive their personal invitations into the Superkick Soiree this week? We know these are the questions you ask yourselves!”

She looks down at the title again. “Oh yeah, we’ve come a long way and Wicked Intent is definitely the group on the rise, but you thought that we wouldn’t last, didn’t you? You especially thought we’d never get more than this. Hell, for the most part Kat and me didn’t want more than this, I mean it’s not like either one of us are stamping our feet and demanding opportunity after opportunity, is it? We wanted to be IWC Tag Team Champions and now, more than six months later we’re still the IWC Tag Team Champions, but as of the End of Year Special now we have a new toy as well,” she proclaims excitedly before holding up a finger to the camera, as though telling the audience to wait for it, and then reaches behind herself and reveals the IWC Evolution Championship which she proudly holds up to the camera before patting it happily. “When The Chapel Show began, when we were still doing hype on Twitter, I had nothing in this business. People saw me as nothing in this business. I was some little girl whose dad was a washed up wrestler who tried to be a reality star, right? Today I am one half of the Most Entertaining Tag Team on Television, I am one half of the 2015 Tag Team of the Year, one half of the IWC Tag Team Champions AND your brand new and oh-so-amazing-looking IWC Evolution Champion!”

She pretends to wipe a tear from her eye before laughing and putting the Evolution Championship across one shoulder and picking up the IWC Tag Team Championship before putting it over the other shoulder and looking at both of them proudly. “Season three is off to a good start,” she says playfully, “but in 2016 it’s only going to get better. Wicked Intent is starting off 2016 by looking to add more gold to the kitty when Kat Kelly challenges to become your new No-Holds-Barred Champion, and why shouldn’t she be? See Kat is a lot tougher than she looks. I know the new blonde hair might confuse some of you but trust me; Kat is as tough as they come and yet this Monday night she’s not coming alone, I can promise you that! Wicked Intent will be out in force when she’s challenging to break a record and start a legacy of her own, but that’s not all Wicked Intent will be doing on Monday night because the Future Legend herself will also be in action. Now I don’t know a great deal about my opponent, but I’ll tell you what, while I go and find out some stuff why don’t I leave you with a few happy thoughts? The first of those happy thoughts should just be to take a screen shot of this image and remember it always, because it looks goooooood…” she says jokingly before looking from one title to the other and smiling proudly again.

“The second of those happy thoughts is that this is 2016 baby, and you know how Wicked Intent likes to celebrate the big occasions, right? You’ve seen our parties before. You’ve seen how wild we can get, right? So can you imagine how big our celebration was to ring in the New Year? Can you imagine how wild and crazy things got?” she asks teasingly before beginning to laugh and nodding her head. “Yeah, well, things did get a little crazy at one stage, but not in the way you’re thinking. But we figured that we can’t begin season three of the Chapel Show for 2016 without first showing you the way we ended 2016, can we? So that’s what we’re going to do. Prepare yourselves ladies and gentlemen. Prepare yourselves for the amazing and wild times. And once you’re prepared, forget all of that because for once Wicked Intent didn’t celebrate an occasion by going huge, but we did have a good time. And that’s what we’re going to have in 2016 as well, that much I promise you, because while right now we’re on top of the world and Lexy Chapel is holding two championships 2016 is going to be a hell of a ride, and who knows where it could take us, right? When The Chapel Show Season 2 began I didn’t think I’d be here. When the Chapel Show Season 2 began I didn’t know what 2015 would hold.”

Lexy smiles excitedly at the camera and looks at her hoard of gold one more time before we cut to New Years Eve where we see a rather depressed looking Nate Chapel looking into a camera that he’s holding.

“Well, it’s New Years Eve, it’s… almost eleven pm… and rather than being at a hell of a wild party do you want to guess where I’ve ended up?” Nate asks before turning the camera to reveal the front of the house that the Chapel couple share with Kat Kelly in Thousand Oaks. He lets out a long sigh. “Ugh, this was not how I imagined spending my New Year…”

“I told you that you didn’t have to come back with me,” a drunk-sounding Lexy tells her husband dismissively. “And if you’re trying to make me feel bad for you then it’s not working. Hell, if anything it’s making me wish you’d stayed and let me come home on my own.”

“Yeah, as if I was going to do that,” Nate mutters before looking to the camera again. “I’d never get laid again if I did…”

“You know that you’re not Zack Morris, right?” Lexy asks in a disapproving tone, and when Nate turns the camera to her we see that she’s got a look on her face to match her disapproval. “Seriously, just because you do the whole ‘talk to the camera’ thing doesn’t mean the rest of the world doesn’t notice or can’t hear you.”

“No, but that would be pretty awesome if it did work like that…” Nate muses, pausing for a moment to perhaps consider the mischief he’d get up to if he had such power. He shakes his head though and snaps back to reality again before looking back at his disapproving wife. “Oh c’mon, you know I wasn’t actually going to let you go home alone. I don’t get it though. You seemed like you were having a good time to start off with. What happened?”

“Are you kidding?” she asks before letting out a sigh. “Ugh, sorry babes but I just couldn’t pretend anymore. If I wanted to spend all night surrounded by perverts who only want to touch my legs and talk about my boobs I’d spend more time talking with IWC fans.”

Nate laughs at the comment before realising it applied to a group who are presumably his friends. “Wait, who was touching your legs?” he asked with a somewhat angered look. “Goddamn it, I told those guys to be cool… I just wanted a fun New Year, you know?”

Lexy nods her head and sighs again. “I know,” she admits before shaking her head. “But seriously, we need to spend time with a better quality of people. Or with a group of guys who actually talk with women they don’t pay to give them attention…”

“Hey now, Marko’s girlfriend was there and she’s… err… she’s… goddamn it, you’re right, I don’t think those guys have ever spent that long around actual women before,” Nate admits of his friends. “I’m sorry, ok? But the night is still young. The neighbour’s invited us to their party…”

“Ugh, pass, I’ve been groped and harassed enough for one night thanks,” Lexy mutters before unlocking the front door and heading inside. “Let’s just spend the night at home. There’s nothing wrong with that. A lot of people do that, right? Plus we’re married. It’s expected of married people! Err, babes? Did you leave the TV on again? Kat is going to kill you one day, you realise.”

“No, this time I swear I turned it off,” Nate proclaims in his own defence. “I told you, didn’t I? It’s one of my New Years Resolutions to be more considerate and do more around the house.”

“Heh, and ‘do more around the house’ to you means not leaving the TV on when you leave the house?” she asks before laughing a little. “It’s a good thing I love you babes, because I’m starting to see why you drive Kat so crazy. I’ll go turn it off and then maybe we can find something fun to do to ring in the New Ye—oh, hey, what are you doing here?”

Nate, who’s still holding the camera and has been removing his jacket and hanging it up, turns the camera toward Lexy’s surprised comment and we see Lexy standing in the doorway of the lounge. Nate begins walking over toward the doorway as Lexy goes inside and we see that it wasn’t Nate who left the television on after he went out – or at least if he did that isn’t the sole reason that the television is left on – but rather that the television is currently being viewed by none other than the other half of the IWC Tag Team Champions. Kat sits there with a glass of some alcoholic drink – presumably – in one hand and the television remote in the other. “What are you guys doing back?” she asks as she looks up surprised to see them. “I thought you were spending the night with… err… I probably can’t call them what you called them earlier, can I?”

“Depends what I called them,” Lexy responds with a shrug. “Can’t have been worse than what I called some of those thirty year old virgin geeks to their faces…”

“Heh, so it was like hanging out with IWC fans?” Kat asks before laughing to herself.

Lexy just nods her head in entirely too much agreement. “You know I just made that exact same joke,” she says, happy to be back around her friend again quite obviously. “Seriously though, what are you even doing here? I thought you were going to the party Lucas and Trin invited us all too?”

“I was going to but I didn’t have a date and… ugh, it’s not so bad spending New Year by yourself. It’s quite relaxing actually,” Kat tells her friend.

“No, you are not spending New Year on your own,” Lexy tells her friend. “Seriously, you’re like an old married woman already and… well, you’re pretty fucking far from being married, right? I’m pretty sure you need to have a boyfriend – or at least someone you have sex with regularly – before you can turn into an old married woman, and—”

“If you say a thing about my sex life right now you’re going to start the New Year with my foot up your arse,” Kat tells her.

“I’d love to see that,” Nate mutters excitedly. Both women look over at him disapprovingly and he sheepishly withdraws the comment. “I mean no, no I wouldn’t…”

Lexy does her best to ignore her husband and looks encouragingly at her friend again. “You know it’s not too late, right? You could still do something. There’s still time to go to a party,” Lexy suggests encouragingly. “You should go hang out at Lucas’. You never know who might be there knowing him…”

Kat shakes her head. “No, I’m really fine being here tonight,” she insists. “Besides, if I do go out I’ll probably end up having to drink a ton just to catch up, although by the sounds of it you wouldn’t need to drink much at all. How much have you had?”

“A lot,” Lexy says before collapsing onto the arm of the chair that Kat is sitting on and falling into her friend’s arms. “Oh god Kat, it was so terrible.”

“It’s ok, you’re safe now, I’ll protect you,” Kat tells her jokingly.

“You know when I first heard you were dying your hair blonde I thought it was a hell of a step in the right direction,” Nate tells Kat before letting out a disapproving sigh. “But I guess it’s not true what they say, huh? I guess blondes don’t have any more fun after all…”

“They do,” Lexy groans before sighing. “Ugh, night’s like this make me miss being a blonde…”

“Because you’d have automatically have had more fun at the party if you were a blonde?” Kat questions. “If anything wouldn’t it have made it even worse considering you’d have all the unwanted attention you got for being you plus all the unwanted attention you’d get for being a blonde?”

Lexy considers it for a moment before groaning again. “Ugh, I’m too drunk to think,” she moans before Kat strokes her head lovingly. “Ok, that’s it, you’re not spending New Years alone, so if you won’t go to the party then dammit Kat, I’m bringing the party to you.”

“You are?” Kat asks curiously. Lexy jumps up off of her friend and disappears through the door toward the kitchen. She reappears a few moments later with extra glasses, a few drinks and some chips. Kat nods approvingly. “Ok, this is the kind of party I can get behind…”

We see the video running forward at considerably faster speed while Lexy pours drinks and Kat, Lexy and Nate all sit around drinking, eating chips and seemingly enjoying themselves a little more. The one we see drinking the most of out of the trio however is Lexy. When the video reduces back to normal speed we hear the background noise of the television but we see the three of them arguing a little between them. “Yeah well, I’m just saying that you shouldn’t make New Years Resolutions unless you really mean them, otherwise what’s the point?” Kat asks the other two. “That’s why I don’t make any stupid ones I know I’m going to break.”

“So what are your resolutions?” Nate asks curiously. “And don’t tell me you haven’t got any. If you actually haven’t got any then you need some.”

“You should resolve to get laid more next year,” a drunken Lexy tells her friend before giggling at her response. “What? You should! 2016 could be your year.”

“Yeah, I’ll consider that…” Kat says before shaking her head.

“We should pick some for each other,” Nate suggests. “Because she’s right, you know. You should put yourself out there more. You never know, you might end up getting hit on by something more than butch looking lesbians in the future…”

“Oh, you don’t want to do this,” Kat tells him with a shake of her head. “But what the hell, maybe you’re right. I’ve got a long list of ones for you. You should resolve to WEAR FUCKING PANTS MORE! Honestly Nate, if I ever DID bring a guy home I don’t think he’d appreciate waking up to see you walking around the kitchen naked.”

“I didn’t hear you complaining at the time,” Nate tells her before winking at her.

“I’ve done nothing but complain about it since you moved in,” Kat reminds him.

“You should wear pants more babes,” Lexy tells her husband softly. “I don’t just mean in the kitchen either. I think that’s good general advice for you.”

“Yeah, well you should be less of a prude,” Nate shoots back at Kat. “You should take some chances. You should have more adventures. You should learn to say ‘yes’ to more things. Lexy is amazing when it comes to saying yes to new things, right babe?”

“Yes,” Lexy says with a proud nod.

“Exactly,” Nate tells her happily. “And I bet if I was to give her some New Years Resolutions she’d stick to them, right babe?”

“Yes,” Lexy says again, clearly drunk and just enjoying agreeing with him, and in no fit state to be making any promises.

“Like, if I said 2016 is going to be the year of the threesome, Lexy would get into it, right babe?” he asks.

“Yes,” Lexy agrees again, caught in the moment before it actually dawns on her what she just agreed to and she looks a little worried. “Wait, what?”

“You see, and that’s why Lexy has more fun than you do,” Nate continues, not giving his wife a moment to actually take back her acceptance. “She takes risks. She has fun. She knows how to get weird and wild, and she’s not afraid to do anything, are you babe? You could learn a lot from her, Kat. Your resolution for 2016 should just be to be more like Lexy. You’d have a hell of a lot more fun if you did, and then this time next year when you’re sitting there with the man of your dreams you’ll thank me for making it happen.”

“Ok, you know what, I’ll be more like your wife if you’ll wear actual clothes around the house. How’s that?” Kat asks, holding out her hand.

“Sounds like a deal to me. So, we’re all agreed on our resolutions for 2016?” he asks, leaning over and shaking Kat’s hand before even giving Lexy time to object to hers. She lets out a sigh as Nate and Kat apparently agree on the resolutions. “There, we’re agreed.”

“Sure, just as long as you realise it won’t be me who’s taking part in any threesomes with the two of you,” Kat says, winking at Lexy to reassure her.

“Oh, I know, I’ve already got my eye on some of Lexy’s other friends,” Nate tells her proudly before hugging his wife, “and now she’s agreed there’s nothing to stop us!”

“You know I never actually a—” Lexy begins before something else catches her eye and her drunken mind apparently forgets the train of thought it was on and suddenly switches over to a more pressing one. “Oh crap, there’s only a minute until midnight? And Kat doesn’t have anyone to kiss!”

Kat laughs dismissively. “I told you, I don’t need anyone to kiss at midnight,” she assures her friend. “Trust me, ok? I’ll be fine.”

“No, no, it’s not right, it’s not right,” drunken Lexy proclaims, slamming her hands down on the couch. “You need to kiss someone at midnight. It’s tradition. But you’ve only got Captain Woofers and… you don’t want to be kissing Captain Woofers. He’s got horrible dog breath.”

“…sure, we’ll say that’s the problem,” Kat says while trying to repress a smile at her friends attempts to provide her with someone to kiss at midnight. “It’s ok Lex, you don’t need to—”

“No, New Year will not be ruined like this,” Lexy proclaims drunkenly. On the television in the background we hear people counting down from ten and as each count passes Lexy’s drunken panic seems to increase. “It’ll be the worst New Year ever unless you have someone to kiss!”

“Well it’s not exactly the best New Year ever right now, is it babe?” Nate says, trying to comfort his wife.

“I will not have this ruined,” Lexy says, slamming her hands down again. As we hear the countdown reach one on the television and the fireworks start to go off Lexy leaps off the couch and grabs hold of Kat before planting a deep, passionate kiss on her lips. Kat seems utterly shocked, Nate stares in disbelief and Lexy continues kissing Kat wildly. As the sounds on the television sound like fireworks and celebrations the kiss finally ends as Lexy nods happily, and clearly very drunkenly, as Kat just sits down in shock. “There. Problem solved.”

“I take it back. This is a New Year I’m going to remember forever…” Nate mutters in shock, and slowly moves a cushion from the couch over the front of his pants, as Lexy looks proud of herself.

We cut to the following morning. It’s not exactly clear who set the camera up in the kitchen or exactly why but we see a shot from inside the kitchen of Kat standing by the oven cooking as a very hung over looking Lexy stumbles into the kitchen and collapses onto one of the stools by the counter. She slams her face down on the counter and groans. Kat just laughs and reaches up into the cupboard, removing what looks like painkillers before placing them on the counter next to her friend along with a glass of what looks like juice. “You look like you need these,” the bottle-blonde tells her friend. Lexy just grunts by way of thanks and starts opening the painkillers before popping a few in her mouth and taking a long drink of juice to wash them down with. “So, how are you feeling?”

“I’m never drinking again,” Lexy groans.

“Until the next time, right?” Kat asks playfully.

“Well, obviously,” Lexy replies before laughing a little and then holding her head in pain some more. “Ugh, god, don’t make me laugh. I don’t know how much I had to drink last night but it was a lot.”

“How much do you remember?” Kat asks curiously.

“Ugh, with how much I drank? I’m shocked that I remember my own name,” Lexy replies before letting out a long sigh. “I remember starting to drink at the party Nate took me too, and trying to make a drinking game out of it figuring it would be fun, and taking a shot every time one of them tried to touch my bare leg or stared at my breasts, but I was pretty hammered after about twenty minutes and the game stopped being fun…”

“So you don’t remember coming back here?” Kat asked curiously. “You don’t remember the conversations with Nate, or the New Years Resolutions, or… midnight?”

“I remember…” Lexy begins before we hear in the background the faint sound of the front door opening and then closing. Lexy looks over in confusion and then looks at her watch and finally back at Kat. “There’s no way that was Nate…”

“It… wasn’t Nate,” Kat says, a little proud of herself.

Lexy looks at her in confusion for a long moment as clearly her hung-over mind is trying to figure out what’s happening before it dawns on her and she smiles proudly at her friend. “Oh my god, you got a New Year Booty Call!”

“I wouldn’t put it like that, but…” Kat says before giggling. “Yeah!”

“Oh my god, I would get up and hug you in celebration if I didn’t think I’d fall over,” Lexy tells her friend proudly. “And do you know what this means? This means you’ve already had sex as many times in 2016 as you had in all of 2015! Goddamn, this is going to be your year!”

Kat laughs a little but gives her friend a disapproving look. “You know if I wasn’t in such a good mood, and I wasn’t a little worried I would kill you if I did it, I would actually hit you for that,” she tells her friend before continuing to smile. “But you know what? I am in a really good mood.”

“I’m not surprised. And it’s about damn time,” Lexy tells her friend happily. “So, who’s the lucky guy? Was it… you know who?”

“I know who?” Kat asks, trying to play it cool.

“You know you know who,” Lexy says before winking at her friend.

“Who knows what?” Nate asks as he walks into the room, halting the conversation where it was. He doesn’t seem to be showing any ill effects of the night before, causing Lexy to look over at him and groan again as she holds her head some more. “What’s going on? What did I miss? Is everyone excited for a New Year…?”

“I think I’m dying,” Lexy tells her husband.

“You can’t die babe, we have a big year ahead of us, especially after what happened last night,” Nate says excitedly. “Oh, 2016 is looking up, don’t you agree?”

Kat laughs. “I don’t think Lexy remembers last night,” she tells Nate before smiling sympathetically at her friend. “I tried to help you but there’s only so much I can do when you’re shit faced and just agreeing with everything he says.”

“Ugh, you let me agree with him again?” Lexy groans before slamming her head on the counter again. “After the last time I thought we agreed you were never letting me agree with him on anything when I was drunk…”

“Well he agreed to wear pants around the house, so I was torn between helping you and doing the right thing,” Kat tells her friend with another smile. “And you know, as much as it pains me to leave you to your fate, I really do feel like I did the right thing, you know, for humanity and everything. I served the greater good…”

“And I have to suffer for it?” Lexy asks before letting out a long sigh. “Ugh, god, what did I agree to this time? I’m not changing my hair again! I’m finally used to it like this!”

“Oh, it’s way bigger than hair. It’s about the New Years Resolutions we all agreed to. Kat agreed to stop being such a prude – pssh, as if that’s actually going to happen, she’ll be the first one to break hers for sure – and I agreed to wear pants around the house more, while you agreed to finally…” he says before stopping and considering things for a moment. “Wait, you really don’t remember anything?”

“I think I remember that I hate you, and possibly that I’m getting divorced in 2016,” Lexy mutters before holding her head some more.

“Well, you agreed to a few things,” Nate tells her with a mischievous look on his face. “While we were in the lounge you agreed to finally stop resisting and have a threesome. And while we were in the bedroom you agreed to—”

“Whoa, hold up, I thought I was the drunk one,” Lexy says in disbelief. “You got Kat to agree to a threesome? Have you been borrowing drugs from Scott Cannon? Because babes, I thought we agreed to hugs and not drugs…”

Nate shakes his head. “Nah, she’d never crack, although it would be kind of prudish not to agree…” he says, turning to Kat and then immediately turning away again when he sees the look on her face. “Never mind, bad idea. So no, this has nothing to do with Kat, although I do have a list of your other friends we could make the offer to. Anyway, you agreed to that, and you also agreed to… you know.”

He winks at Lexy. She immediately shakes her head. “Ok, now I know you’re lying because I don’t care how drunk I am, I wouldn’t have agreed to that,” she says adamantly. “And seriously, do you honestly think I’m going to honour a New Years Resolution I can’t even remember?”

“So you’re the first one to back out?” Nate asks before letting out a sigh. “Oh well, these damn pants are pretty restrictive…”

He begins unbuttoning his pants before Kat goes to say something and Lexy lets out another groan. “Oh fuck, the greater good, right?” she asks. “Ok, how’s about this, since I can’t even remember last night how about I agree to… ugh, I don’t even know a nice way of putting this. I agree to… ugh, receive an unexpected item in my bagging area… and you forget about the whole threesome thing, deal?”

Nate considers it for a moment before nodding happily. “Deal,” he says. Lexy shakes his hand before face planting on the counter again in pain and groaning some more. Nate rubs his hands together excitedly and grins to himself. “Oh yes, 2016 is going to be a really great year. Hmm, are shops closed today? I need to… pick up some supplies. Maybe I’ll look online for opening times…”

Nate practically skips off happily before Kat just stares at Lexy in disbelief. “You know, him not wearing pants isn’t that annoying…” she says before letting out a sigh. “You don’t have to…”

“I’m taking one for the team,” Lexy groans without even looking up, before then looking up and letting out another sigh. “Well, probably considerably more than one knowing Nate. He never stops at just one of anything…”

Kat looks at her friend sympathetically. “Ok, I promise next time, no matter how much I want him to do something, I won’t let you agree to anything while you’re drunk,” Kat tells her friend supportively. “Got to admit I’m a little surprised you guys don’t… you know. Seems like something he’d have talked you in to a long time ago. I’ve seen the sex swing he made, and he talked you into that before this?”

“Oh the swing is only the tip of the iceberg,” Lexy says before letting out another sigh. “Trust me, you do not want to know what else is hidden in the murky waters…”

“Yeah, you’re probably right. Still, I’m surprised he didn’t mention what else happened last night. I was sure we’d never hear the end of that. Oh, wait, you don’t even remember, do you? Last night at midnight you…” Kat begins before looking at her friend. She pauses midsentence before looking suspiciously at her. “You remember, don’t you? You remember kissing me? So if you remember that, why wouldn’t you tell him you knew he was bullshitting and…”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, I don’t remember a damn thing,” Lexy says innocently. “But if you’re going to get all suspicious let’s clear something up right now. I certainly didn’t pretend not to remember, knowing Nate would push it too far, so I could take the lesser evil of the real option and whatever else he’d claim I agreed to. I’m certainly not that devious… and besides, it can’t hurt that much, right? I’ll just have a lot to drink first…”

The little devious grin on the face of our redheaded hostess is the last thing we see before we flash forward back to the bedroom where Lexy sits on the bed once again, the IWC Tag Team Championship still proudly over her shoulder while the IWC Evolution Championship lies on the bed next to her. She shrugs at the camera innocently. “What?” she asks before smirking a little. She then thinks about it a moment more before smiling. “Oh, by the way, geeks of the Internet you’re welcome for your late Christmas present. I can already imagine how many hits this video is going to get as all of you just replay that kiss over and over and over again. Don’t say I don’t do anything nice for you, and just remember I had the option of never showing you that footage at all. Don’t get too used to it however because 2016 isn’t going to see a huge turnabout in the relationship between Kat and me. We’re still the only Non-Lesbian, All-Female Tag Team in wrestling today, and we’re staying that way no matter how much fan-fiction you nerds may write to the contrary. We’re also remaining the greatest goddamn tag team in wrestling today, and yes that does include whatever team ends up leaving Uprising with the knockoff Tag Championships. But hey, if none of you are good enough to take the titles from us I guess it’s just fine you make up some cheap pretend ones, right?”

She laughs before patting the IWC Tag Team Championship on her shoulder. “But that’s not what I’m intending to talk about right now. What I’m intending to talk about right now is my opponent for this week’s Riot, a show where I intend to head to the ring and pick up where I left off in 2015 by starting off 2016 with a victory. My opponent, one Matthew Bowden, may have other plans but… yeah, I really don’t give a damn what his plans are. I might have misled you a little earlier though when I claimed to not know a great deal about him. I wanted you thinking that I didn’t give a fuck about him, which is kind of true, but the fact is that if I really didn’t do my homework, if I really didn’t research him, if I really didn’t find out what there is to know about him then I’d be a pretty lousy professional, wouldn’t I? And I may be many things – a Future Legend, one half of the top team in wrestling today, a damn fine looking woman and the protégé of the next SCW World Heavyweight Champion – but I am not a lousy professional,” she clarifies proudly. “The fact is that I did my homework, I’ve seen Matthew Bowden bursting on to the scene, and I have to say… meh, I’m not overwhelmed. That’s not to say I wasn’t a little impressed, you kind of have to be a little impressed when someone wins their debut match, but it’s not like I’ve been glued to the screen in astonishment here.”

“The fact is I’m not too sure what I’m meant to be glued to the screen in astonishment of, other than a guy who calls himself the Show Stealer. Seriously: the Show Stealer? Ugh, and people make fun of me for calling myself the Future Legend but at least mine is factually accurate. What exactly about Matthew Bowden qualifies him to believe he’s even capable of stealing a show? The only way the world at large is going to pay attention to someone with a nickname that horribly overused and clichéd is if he becomes the first victim of New Eden, or whatever the current group of evildoers is calling themselves, and is murdered live on Riot. I’m pretty sure people would agree that THAT would be the moment that everyone was talking about, but somehow I just don’t think poor Matthew has the commitment required to really get that kind of attention,” she says before letting out a sigh. “Instead he thinks he can gain the attention of the world by… talking smack while secretly filming himself having sex? God, so not only does he not have an original nickname, now he’s stealing Ace Marshall’s gimmick? That’s just disgusting! Honestly, what is wrong with someone who’d… wait… they’re telling me something in my ear. Apparently that’s not actually Ace Marshall’s gimmick. It’s something that he’s done more than once though, right? You’ve got to give me that at least. Yes, apparently it’s a statistical probability that I’m right…”

She shrugs innocently at the camera, hiding a smirk. “You know I’m right. Being a weird pervert in professional wrestling is hardly new and interesting after all, is it? We’ve had weirdly perverted guys in professional wrestling since there was professional wrestling. Hell, it wouldn’t shock me if you looked through the IWC archives if there hasn’t been at least an attempt at a Live Sex Celebration at some point in history, and yet Matthew here thinks he’s controversial, edgy and entertaining by letting the world in on his intimate moments with his girlfriend? Eh, this is 2016 Matty, if people want hidden camera sex I’m pretty certain half of Internet has websites dedicated to it, and with guys far, far more attractive than you and girls who do a lot more things than you girl there,” she says before nodding her head, looking perhaps a little saddened that once again she knows she’s statistically probably right. “But I guess I shouldn’t be too hard on you, Matty, considering you’re in a very tough spot right now. You’ve just entered the big leagues, and trust me, I know how that feels. I know how it feels to look around and realise you’re a very small fish swimming in the middle of the ocean. You’re used to being a big fish in a puddle, now all of a sudden you find yourself so small the big sharks that terrify you don’t even notice you exist. You feel like you need to stand out. I’ve been there, I know that feeling.”

“You know it’s hard to believe that it was only a year ago that I was exactly where you are now. I felt like I was a pretty big fish in the pathetic little company I came up through. People knew my name. The fans cheered me. People would gather after the shows to ask for my autograph and, like a sucker, I agreed to give it to them. Then I came here and I realised just how pathetic my old life really was. I came here and I felt tiny. I came here and I felt as though nobody would ever notice me, swimming around while some of the biggest names in wrestling brushed past me without even giving a damn that I was there. I know how that feels, and I too felt the need to stand out. I didn’t have sex on camera and call it exciting. People would have laughed me right out of the building, pretty much like I want to laugh you right out of the building on Monday night, but I feel like you can learn from my experience, Matthew, because I know how it feels to be where you are. There’s a big difference between you and me in that situation though. No, it’s not that I had Kat Kelly as a tag team partner. No, it’s not that I had Lucas Knight as my mentor. No, it’s not even that Kat and me quickly welcomed the entire of IWC to our very own special party, the Superkick Soiree. It’s… that I’m fucking incredible, and you’re the genius who had sex on camera and thought he was brilliant for it,” she says coldly before holding her head and shaking it slowly. “Honestly, what a twat…”

“So, let me give you some advice, Matthew. Try to do something truly exciting. Take a look around, stop acting like what made you controversial in 1991 will still work in today’s market, and actually come up with something new, modern and worth listening to, because so far my whole experience of you has been something I’d guess, based on the look on your girlfriend’s face, something you know entirely too much about – an epic disappointment,” she says, nodding her head knowingly. “Trust me Matty, a girl can always tell when another isn’t satisfied. Always! And satisfaction is something that, with you, is about as unlikely as a single goddamn person from the locker room actually giving a rats ass that Selena Frost was marrying her sweetheart over the Christmas break. Seriously, I saw the announcement and I think I, along with everyone else who’s ever spent more than thirty seconds around her, collectively decided we didn’t give a fuck! That is your future unless you do something to change, Matty. You don’t want that. Trust me, nobody wants anything in common with Selena. That’s a dark, dark path that people would rather sacrifice themselves to the dark lord than have to endure. Fortunately for you I’m aiming to give you something of a respite from your suffering this week, at least for a short time while you’re unconscious in the ring and the officials are rushing around trying to pick up the bits of enamel you used to call your teeth.”

“That’s right, Matthew, you’ve won a special invite to the very first Superkick Soiree of the New Year, but there’s no need to be too excited because chances are good you won’t be leaving the party in a celebratory mood. You see I normally approach matches like this with a chip on my shoulder and something to prove, right? But now I’ve got this…” she says, patting the IWC Tag Team Championship, before picking up the IWC Evolution Championship briefly and patting that as well, “…and this… and do you know what that means? If you think that it means I have nothing left to prove you’re dead wrong, because it means now I have a legacy to uphold, I have a championship standard to meet not just as one half of the greatest tag team in the history of IWC but also as the new Evolution Champion, the new standard bearer for all things Evolution Championship, and I’m not intending on my very first match since my ascension to the top of this particular ladder ending in defeat. So that’s why this week I’m going to show you that your own evolution is possible, because one year ago I was just where you are right now Matthew, one year ago I was nothing, one year ago I was looked down upon, ignored and barely considered worth anyone’s time, and now I’m holding these bad-boys, now I’m THE face to watch in 2016, and when I’m done this Monday I’ll still be the face to watch, and you’ll be the one who needs his face repaired.”

She nods sympathetically before grinning at the camera. “Now I wouldn’t want you thinking I’m getting all cocky and that my success is going to my head… but maybe it’s just exhaustion talking because damn, carrying around these bad boys is exhausting, you know? Oh wait, you don’t know…” she says before laughing to herself. “But hey, maybe one of you will get a chance to find out soon, am I right? Maybe one of you will be the next one to step up and to try to take on Wicked Intent. Maybe one of you will be the first to try to dethrone me from my new Evolution-based throne. And if you’re that person, if you’re the one who’s recording right now to tell me you’re coming for me, to tell me to be afraid, to tell me that I’m going to soon lose everything I gained in 2016 then I hope you, in turn, realise how little I care. But don’t stop dreaming people; because dreams can come true… it’s just yours that won’t. That’s the unfortunate thing about life. Welcome to 2016. Welcome to The Chapel Show Season 3. And man, now we’ve gotten to Season 3, just think how far we can go! Until then, I’ve been Lexy Chapel and this has been the Chapel Show. Rate, subscribe, do all that good stuff. Until next time, fuckers!”

She winks at the camera before we fade out with the video ending and the replay button flashing up on the screen.